Hey there,

I'll keep it short. I'm surprisingly normal. A terrific master's degree and a good job. But it looks like I was traumatized by bullying so much only now do I realize I completely retreated from life. I developed panic attacks that caused to me run from many situations like Pavlov's dog when I felt the symptoms coming on. Nothing in my life is wrong except that I have no real life friends and no girlfriend. Which you might say are huge fucking things, but you know.

However.. time is running out for me, and while in recent years I have had some pathetic attempts to approach a female or two, I have realized that I have total phobia about trying to seal the deal. I saw a nice girl out like 4 or 5 times, her eyes were wet from affection many times from talking to me and she really appreciated me. Couldn't even kiss her after any of our dates, let alone discuss going to someone's place. I'm completely neutered emotionally.

So the first thing on my list now is seeing an escort, no matter how bad it goes. That's the only way this phobia can be removed. Any tips regarding this, some do's and don't? Apparently it's fine to lick her boobs gently, but use a rubber and all that good stuff. Still risky, but I don't see an option.

Thanks in advance. Finally ready to change.