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[–][deleted] 30 points31 points32 points 4 years ago (51 children) | Copy Link
"I appreciate all that. I'm not interested in being friends, however, so prob best if we go our separate ways. Good luck out there!"
[–][deleted] 4 years ago (49 children) | Copy Link
[permanently deleted]
[–][deleted] 14 points15 points16 points 4 years ago (33 children) | Copy Link
Eh. It's fine. I wouldn't even reply to that, dude. You have every right to your feelings. Gotta learn to tune some of this stuff out at the end of the day. On to the next.
[–]TheC0ld0nes 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (30 children) | Copy Link
Probably doesn’t make sense to respond. Weird because her body language was showing attraction whenever we hung out
[–][deleted] 13 points14 points15 points 4 years ago (23 children) | Copy Link
Don't reply bro. I could unpack why she's saying what she's saying now, which one might argue even involves a degree of manipulation. But the short of it is she's not entitled to your non-romantic attention any more than you are to her romantic attention.
[–]TheC0ld0nes 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (22 children) | Copy Link
What part of it could be manipulative? Could you explain. Thank you
[–]5_7pickup 17 points18 points19 points 4 years ago (19 children) | Copy Link
Bro just ignore her.
Shes trying to guilt trip you. Make you seem like the bad guy.
You did nothing wrong. Just like she doesnt have to be romantically involved with you, you dont have to be platonically involved with her.
[–]Ok_Cupcake8963 -4 points-3 points-2 points 4 years ago (18 children) | Copy Link
It's not necessarily guilt tripping him, if she was actually interested in being friends.
If she was just leading him on, then it is better to cut off contact anyway.
But he did just respond with a text that sent the message that "I don't want to be friends with you, I just want to get into your pants" - most women are not going to be happy with that.
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (17 children) | Copy Link
Lol. Too much talk about her and her wants, not enough talk about him and his wants.
[–]Ok_Cupcake8963 -4 points-3 points-2 points 4 years ago* (16 children) | Copy Link
Well, clearly that kind of strategy blew up in his face - got to give a little if you want to take a little.
Not bothering to understand women is always going to blow up in your face in the end - and telling a woman you were just pretending to be her mate to bang her is not suave one bit.
[–]WalidfromMorocco 4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
She tried to guilt trip you.
[–]dontcreeponmepls 6 points7 points8 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
She's guilt tripping you like you're someone only after banging and are giving a friendship up for that while only you wanted to date her seriously.
[–]TheC0ld0nes 9 points10 points11 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
And how are we friends if I’m the one asking to hangout ever.
[–]spicy_simba 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Hey there buddy,
2 things
1) body language is different from person to person, Some people get close and touchy with their friends.
2) sometimes we are stuck in narratives so much that we perceive events and people reaction more than they are, we are emotionally influenced, a hug becomes " i love you" and a "thank you you are so sweet" becomes "marry me"
Reading queues and body language is to be done with a grain of salt and attention to ones bias.
That is why it is good to ask at some point to know where she stands about you
[–]Jailhouseredpilled93 -4 points-3 points-2 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
her body language was showing attraction
No it wasn't. You need to brush up on your body language skills.
[–]TheC0ld0nes 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Were you there?
[–]Jailhouseredpilled93 -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
If she was attracted you'd be sleeping with her.
[–]The_Wallabies 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Nah bro don’t even respond.
She sound like the type of girl who will put you as a side dude type of thing. She probably found what she’s looking for so that’s why she straight up with yu
[–][deleted] 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
You should've stopped talking to this girl 3 messages ago are my thoughts dude. Do you want to be plastered all over r/niceguys? This is unattractive, pointless, and embarrassing.
The whole point of my initial suggestion is that it was the last message I would've sent to her. And for a guy who used to be quite inexperienced, I know it was an important first step in expressing my boundaries and intentions with women. Getting one random girl who put you in the friendzone isn't the point here. Defending and explaining myself after I sent that message isn't the point either. Finally standing tall in my desires and intentions is. And that's why, at least for me, sending this kind of message for a bit served as an important stepping stone. But that's all I sent. And I considered it a win when I did.
As you become more experienced, to be sure you'll still be rejected, but you're less likely to deal with this kind of friendzoning because you're actually being clear with your intentions. And in the unlikely event that you do get this kind of message, like the other poster I went back and forth with said, you won't even be asking how to respond to it because you've fully accepted the underlying communication.
But I assume you're at a point where you're still uncomfortable expressing your intent and are still afraid of women's emotions and how to navigate them. This is why I suggested that message. But that's all I suggested and maybe I should've included an additional disclaimer. Everything after that is totally missing the plot.
[–]Distraughtsugardaddy 5 points6 points7 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You should be glad that this is the response you got from her because it shows that you are not willing to appear to her needs of a platonic thing and she will respect you more for this vs those dudes who say sure and still try and get w her. Plus when she said the thing about showing your tru Colors that’s slightly disrespectful which means she’s hurt to a degree which is also a good thing
[–][deleted] 8 points9 points10 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
She seems manipulative. Good to let this one go
[–]Mysoulisnotforsale 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Manipulation af! Talk about gaslighting
[+]Ok_Cupcake8963 -6 points-5 points-4 points 4 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
Yeah man, that was a lame response from you.
The thing is, some girls are just too nervous to say that they're not interest in you romantically, and this has the effect of unintentionally leading them on.
She did tell it to you straight, you weren't ever going to be romantic, well not in the short term, and you blew a potential of a great friend. Even in the long-term if you had a chance, then that would've probably been as a result of you not trying and it being a natural progression.
She was honest to you, she wasn't interested
You had a choice, do you want her as a friend or not? Because you aren't going any further
You made your decision, and no offense, it was a poor decision.
Learn from your mistakes :)
[–]WalidfromMorocco 7 points8 points9 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
He did nothing wrong. You should not be an orbiter. If you want to be friends with a girl, do it because you want to be friends. Don't put yourself in a position in which you have to wait for her to bestow her pussy upon you.
[–]Ok_Cupcake8963 -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I 100% agree with you about orbiters!
I'm not talking about being an orbiter.
When you establish a friendly relationship with someone, you did it in pursuit of them, and it doesn't turn out the way you wanted - you can still be mates.
What he did, and not his entire fault, was essentially tell that girl "Oh I was only nice to you because I wanted to get into your pants"... Obviously, he didn't say it in those words, but that's EXACTLY how she will read it.
It's just a dick move - he should've just said "Ah ok, fair enough I'm happy with that!" and then just moved on. Don't go "I don't want to be your friend" - that's just a dick move.
[–]Lilluzzo 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
What???
[–]Ok_Cupcake8963 -2 points-1 points0 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
When a lady tells it to you straight - she just isn't interested, but that you can be friends, then it's a dick move to essentially say "Nah, I was only nice to you to get in your pants, goodbye!". Ok it wasn't exactly that, but that's exactly how it'll be read. He's NEVER gonna have a chance with her again, that's for sure.
Nothing wrong with being her friend and just moving on and looking for another girl. Hell, that girl may have changed her mind by that - but it'll be too late by then.
It's called being respectful, and from a woman's POV, the reply he went with was disrespectful.
Better if he didn't even reply tbh, may have turned out better in fact - a sign that the guy who told him to say that, doesn't have a clue how a woman's mind works.
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
He has a bigger chance of being with her now than if he has agreed to stay friends. What you fail to understand now is that feelings change.
Perhaps he was friends with her in the beginning and developed feelings, hence him asking her about it. Her turning back and gaslighting him actually showed her true colors.
[–]Ok_Cupcake8963 -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Btw, it's not a gas light, because he literally revealed to her that he's only being friends to bang her by saying he doesn't want to be friends anymore - so she's right in calling him out for that.
Wrong approach, too direct, probably didn't escalate the relationship early enough and got friend zoned anyway and wasn't a challenge and it was just plain rude.
You've got to some have some etiquette when you're dealing with a high value woman.
He took advice from a guy who's read guides but clearly hasn't had much success (the evidence is in the fact the advice blew up in his face) - it's useful understanding how a woman thinks
[–]Everyman1000 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Why do you keep saying it's about banging her? He could be genuinely you're romantically interested which yes it involves sex but it's not only about sex
[–]Ok_Cupcake8963 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That's true, and I get the feeling that's what he wanted, a relationship, which is why it was doubly bad that he responded the way he did.
If you want a relationship, that usually implies you like then more than their looks, in which case, just being friends is still better than having her think you're a jerk who's only wanting to bang her
[–]Ok_Cupcake8963 -2 points-1 points0 points 4 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Staying friends isn't about trying to get her, it's just about accepting your losses and moving on to greener pastures.
She was pretty damn clear, that he's lost his chance - he blew it.
If he'd been respectful, which he wasn't (he basically admitted he was only being mates with her to bang her), then he could've had a chance later on down the road - if he stopped chasing her.
Now she'll think he's a jerk just looking for sex.
[–]swarmofpenguins 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
She wants this
[–]Mundane-Currency5088 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This one..
[–]TheRiverOfDyx 8 points9 points10 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
“Not even gonna grace that with a response. Bye”. Better yet, ghosting will get that same message across. In your head, you’re “scared to respond” in both yours and her head. In HER head, she just got brutally rejected. Good job :D
Mate, place yourself in her shoes. THIS is a GIRL’S version of a copypasta. They have shit tons of dudes asking them out, and they don’t reciprocate BUT they’ll keep them around for validation. “Friendship”. They tarnish the name of friendship, us dudes don’t do that shit. Either we’re friends with you or we’re not, we don’t game each other like that.
Women say they got game. THEY DO. It’s a totally different game to ours though. Their game is killing men but keeping the corpses - rejecting them but retaining them. Pretty fucked, right?
So if you’re a girl, and you don’t like a guy but love his attention and you love that your “flirty nature” gained his attention, how do you keep that attention while also not having to go out with the guy? You respond like she did, by covering up “I’m not interested but please stay interested in me” with bullshit. That’s what they do. Your daughter will do the EXACT same thing because it’s what they teach each other in school. Girls learn to play the brains of men while men learn sports.
It’s a copypasta. Girls are manipulative. “Daddy’s Little Girl”. They play on that…HARD. Some dads catch it because they’ve been around the block and they slap that down hard, “no girl of mine is going to start becoming a manipulative hoe, and she is DEFINITELY not doing that to me”, most don’t catch it because they never understood it with their wives and girlfriends, and their woman goes “she’s just being ______” to defend it. This is hour wife ganging up on you emotionally and psychologically with your daughter - and now the women remain in power. See how they do it? They don’t join wars, they cause wars. They cause us to kill ourselves, women control war. We die in it.
Female game is about having cake and eating it too, they’re very ambitious in this. Male game is just getting a cake, and it’s an all or nothing battle to the ego death/suicide.
Now, if you were smart, you’d start doing this back to women. If they don’t consider it manipulation, how could you be manipulative? Right?! So if you start doing this stuff and manipulating them - keeping a roster and keeping them rotated, not dependant on them for attention or anything else, they’ll turn around and eventually call you out on it. “You’re toxic, you’re manipulative”
THIS is where you double down and go “And what of it?” Call her out on her own shitty behaviour, and then ditch her. Move on. She’ll come back, if she does - KEEP PLAYING HER because she’s experiencing what guys experience from girls everyday. She’s experiencing the reality of what women have become, and we will reflect that with our own toxicity. Maybe it scares them out of doing it and they be respectful people for a change.
OR you go “and what of it” and play that so that she is drawn further into your toxicity. Don’t literally say “I’m the bad boy archetype” but make it KNOWN to her through action. “Yeah, what of it?” And keep on walking. She dumps you for admitting to it? “Okay, I respect your decision. Guess I’ll go blah blah blah [imply fun and adventure somewhere else, don’t go “sucks you won’t be there”]. This sounds genius on paper, here’s the snag:
The reason to leave out implying she should be sad she won’t be there to have fun with you is because it’s a 50/50 chance she recognizes that tool in her own toolcase, and see through the bullshit. So it’s better to make them think you’re 100% okay with the break up, and set that as the bluff. Don’t undermine your bluff by being 95% okay with the breakup and 5% regretful.
War is Deception. Love is War. Women are the fiercest warriors on THIS battlefield. If you have the means of victory - make it look like you’re without the means of victory. If you have not the means of victory - make it look like you have the means to victory. If you’re gonna bluff, commit to the bluff, don’t backpedal on it. It’s an obvious bait for the bluff…NEVER BAIT BLUFFS.
Until then, refrain from simping. Go out with the aim to crush girls hearts. It’s not enough to go out and just insult them that’s 6 year old sandbox tactics - this is the big game; and you have to go out and make them believe they found the love of their life, their soulmate. That alpha chad who takes no shit…and then you don’t take her shit…and kill her soul. Dead. Crushed. Buried. Shattered. In the very tactics they raise themselves to perpetuate.
Girls are monsters, why be afraid to kill monsters. “I’m just like them!” Yeah…you’re human, you have a right to be shitty to people who are shitty to you, they’re not entitled to customer service levels of respect when they never offered it to begin with. And they never did, ever. Girls have never offered to come to the table and sit down, they insist they are the table and should be waited on hand and foot. Not how this works, sweetheart. It’s an agreement, not a buffet line of dicks.
[–]MistressVixen007 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
So you’re not wrong, however you’re always going to be single and eventually lonely if that’s how you plan on treating every girl you come across. Girls only play those games with guys they never plan on being with. So if you treat every single girl like that you’re never going to find the one that’s not playing the game.
[–]TheRiverOfDyx 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeah, this would be playing the Hoe Phase Game, definitely not the Long Term Strat, and it’s not really meant for long term strat
[–]The_fractal_effect 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Its hard to accept but she's just not that into you. One thing I learned was if a women wants you they will make it apparent and easy. Think about all the times you had success with women. You'll realize how easy it was.
[–]Important-Quote9544 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Nothing. cuz you don’t wanna be friends
[–]mattgk39 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Just like she’s under no obligation to date you or have sex with you, you’re under no obligation to be friends with her if you don’t want to. Just say something along the lines of “Thanks for your honesty! However I don’t want to be just friends with you and I’m not willing to pretend like I do so it’s best if we go our separate ways. I wish you all the best.”
[–]1hatethis 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I’m not interested in being friends. See you
[–]CompetitionFair7686 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
I think what you should learn from this is, don’t become friends with girls you want to have something with.
You need to be more direct when you meet a new girl you are attracted to, you need to hit on her from the beginning, not disguise your interest for weeks or months before you actually start showing interest
[–]TheC0ld0nes 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
I thought I flirted enough, but also got to know her. Touched her, brought her to a concert tried to dance with her. Led her with my hand on her lower back.
[–]CompetitionFair7686 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
For some reason reading this i doubt that you know what actually constitutes flirting.
[–]TheC0ld0nes 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Being playful, taking things out of context, teasing her?
[–]CompetitionFair7686 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
What about hitting on her because that’s the most important thing in order to create sexual tension. How would you hit on me and make me feel sexual tension?
[–]TheC0ld0nes 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Not sure, I always thought the difference was hitting on had more sexual tension. Where can I learn
[–]CompetitionFair7686 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You need to verbally express that you find her cute and sexy, that her smile is making you feel nervous, that her eyes you can’t just take your eyes off of her, that you think she is different from other girls and that’s why you are into her, acting like you are hungry for her and staring at her lips with a smile while you are saying this things, that her personality is making your heart pump so fast because of how different she is from other girls… etc
[–]Nofapthrowaway2003 -3 points-2 points-1 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
“Im sorry its come to this, theres so much about you that Im gonna miss”
[–]teletubby77 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
“ hey sorry to break it to you , but you dont have what it takes to be a good friend , so cant be friends , good luck bro “ say this to her .
[–]Jailhouseredpilled93 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You already said it. Your reply should be a terse, "I don't want to be friends."
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
“Not looking for a friendship, I have plenty of male friends.”
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[–][deleted] 30 points31 points32 points (51 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (49 children) | Copy Link
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