Should I be going after a committed relationship if I know I am not presenting the best version of me at the moment and need time to self improve?

norwegiandoggo · 2022-01-06T09:39:39+00:00

I never get this "I have to improve myself first and THEN I'll look for a girl". This is just procrastination. An excuse to not hit on women. And the belief that you have to reach the pinnacle of self improvement and be your best self for an amazing girl to like you is just bullshit. You will never be perfect. And you can also do self improvement as well as hitting on women. Frankly, hitting on women is a form of self improvement so you're hitting two birds with one stone.

Cynical_Doggie · 2022-01-06T10:48:38+00:00

The best version of yourself is not an endpoint, but the rate of improvement on a daily basis.

JacobMoogberg69 · 2022-01-06T10:51:36+00:00

When are going to be at your best? When you are you going to be enough? When will you be the men you expect yourself to be? When will you be satisfied with who you are?

Shadow__Account · 2022-01-06T15:15:18+00:00

Yes, never wait until you are ready for things like this, that day will never come. There will always be something that you want to work on before you are perfect enough, the day you wake up and think yes I am ready now won't ever come. And a good quality woman will support you in jour journey of improvement. So the day is today not tomorrow.

ChicoBrillo · 2022-01-06T17:39:42+00:00

I mean, ideally, we’re never done improving ourselves.

Do you feel ready for a commitment? I think as long as you are committed to yourself first, and getting better than why not?

If youre in a state where you’re really insecure and putting relationships on a pedestal, trying to be saved by someone…then yeah, maybe take extra time to yourself before going out there.

No-Beginning-6994 · 2022-01-06T18:44:19+00:00

OP I understand your logic. From experience and self reflection, I’ve had the mentality of the other advices I’ve read about who cares about the best version of yourself and go out and talk to women. However, I realized that was part of hiding my insecurities. I know I can easily talk to women, but it hid what I actually needed to improve in other parts of my life to be the best version of me. My advice is to find a balance in your life, reflect, and improve. Don’t force anything, have good days and not so good days. What I mean by that is, if you genuinely are attracted to a woman, do not have the mentality of “I’m not my best self.” Let her decide that. And if it’s not the outcome you want, move on and continue to work on your best self.

quantumactual · 2022-01-06T21:17:07+00:00

If you’re constantly waiting for ‘the best’ version of yourself (also according to who?), then there may never be a day where you feel ‘good enough’ to be in a committed relationship. None of us are ever the best versions of ourselves, we just do what we can.

Pennyfromheaven19 · 2022-01-07T03:10:30+00:00

I feel sometimes self improvement comes with being in a healthy relationship. You may find you’re not your “better self” until you find someone who may bring it out of you or encourage you in bringing it out more. And relationships that challenge you are the most fulfilling towards self-improvement.

Good-Phrase · 2022-01-07T04:07:47+00:00

When I’m in that state of “I don’t feel super happy with myself and my life so I shouldn’t try to date right now” I just genuinely don’t try at all and focus on other things that bring me happiness. Even while in that state though I’ll catch signs of girls showing interest and once in a while I’m actually attracted to one of these girls so I just go for it. I hate that this is kind of the truth because it feels so lame but after you’re feeling down about yourself and like you don’t want to date and someone you actually find attractive shows interest in you and you actually go out with them even once it’s like a boost. Like even if it was just one date and it’s over i feel like it personally gives me energy and drive to date more and feel better about myself too. So In saying that, I think you should be your real focus if you’re not happy with yourself but if someone comes along somehow when you’re not even trying hard to find it just go with it and maybe it will get you out of the slump you’re in and motivate you too. At the same time if you find someone who is a good match for you and you do enter a committed relationship that’s actually healthy you will build each other up and that could help your self improvement too I think.

MrMacDoctor · 2022-01-06T11:46:56+00:00

The short answer, no. You shouldn't.

The long answer, you'll figure it out when you get there.

My advice, stop improving.

You're trying too hard.

pigletnino · 2022-01-07T03:33:33+00:00

Shieet. True say. A lightbulb just went off for me

lolfagjys699 · 2022-01-06T14:14:00+00:00

If you’re good looking you’d already have success so “self improving” will only add to that success. If you’re average you won’t succeed with women until you break the attractiveness threshold, meaning you won’t succeed until your “self improvement” is visible. If you’re ugly, no amount of “self improvement” will make you attractive to women. You can be a good person but you’ll just be that ugly good person that everyone says “you’ll find her eventually or it will happen eventually” * which btw is the funniest shit ever 😂😂* but you’ll never be what women desire.

Game isn’t real

EdKempThrow · 2022-01-06T13:19:54+00:00

Perosnally: I would not, but will also not use this as an excuse to stop approaching women.

Advice: so should you, until you both really love each other and your partner is caring, intelligent and understanding.

Peace.

jjboy91 · 2022-01-06T19:49:56+00:00

It's impossible to be your best self IMO

Radio_Unique · 2022-01-07T03:31:53+00:00

I agree, I don’t feel like myself during pandemic, Yes just keep dating no need for serious commitment at the moment

Neil1398 · 2022-01-07T03:53:30+00:00

I wouldn’t say you’re best, but if you feel like she’s not the best for you.

nofapHER0 · 2022-01-07T08:52:16+00:00

I had this exact problem. Watch 1STMAN on YouTube and look up “The Male Advantage”. He says getting into a committed relationship will stagnate your progress in self improvement and divert your focus from your purpose and into your woman. If you want to “cash out” and fall in love, just know you will lose that hunger and desire to improve yourself for other hot women which is a potent source of power and motivation and people don’t talk about it enough

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