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[–]PatientAssociation62 45 points46 points47 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
“You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even months over-analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could've, would've happened... or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the fuck on.”
- Tupac Shakur
[–][deleted] 11 points12 points13 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
"A bitch could be like 15, fuckin with a nigga 35, gettin him for EVERYTHING...... Hoes these days is way too motherfuckin intelligent...
... When niggas get to trickin... It's over then"
--Tupac Shakur, 1996
[–]no_not_this 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
“You claim to be a player but I fucked your wife” Tupac Shakur
[–]Throwaway902ve 59 points60 points61 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Preach bro. It comes down to valuing your own time as much as you value any woman's imo. Great post.
[–]don_Shado 17 points18 points19 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Absolutely bro, I think when you put yourself first in some situations, and show that you respect yourself and your own time - it will show in your personality and transcend into every other aspect of your life as well.
[–]IntelligentPurple4 4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Amen. Too many men put women on a pedastool. If they just all would have one bratty Sister like I did, you wouldn't. Trust me, many of them aren't worth the time of day.
[–]Keezymac34 23 points24 points25 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Thanks man i really needed to read this. Its a tough pill to swallow but medicine isnt always easy to take. Every girl i meant is always on her phone so i should take the hint when they take forever to respond.Damn it really sucks to think about.
[–]don_Shado 11 points12 points13 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
It really sucks, but a part of being a "man" in my opinion, is knowing when to understand these tells that aren't explicitly said or stated, and knowing how to handle them in a way that best helps you. This transcends into other aspects of life too, not just romantic interest and pursuits.
Sometimes the best way to handle a situation like this is to put the ball in their court, and walk away. You'd be surprised how many times a woman will reach back out to you after you walk away for a bit.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Harder when they aren't interested in you, and later you see them with a piece of shit lol.
[–]IntelligentPurple4 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Because alot of women believe they only deserve to be treated like crap so if you are a decent guy and treat them nice, they think something is seriously wrong with you.
[–]Crucible52 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This has worked for me in the past many times!
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
TALK TO THEM
[–]whatisthisaboutagain 22 points23 points24 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
My golden rule: "If you have to ask yourself if she likes you, she doesn't"
[–][deleted] 6 points7 points8 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
When will I ever see a success?
[–]marian8523 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
When you will not look for a woman
[–]desperate_for_a_name 4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
I have a question for that. I've met this guy and I'm getting such mixed signals that I don't know what to think anymore. Till two days ago everything was great. We've been texting nonstop, been meeting up atleast twice a week and we just had a great time. He even asked me if I could imagine a future of us dating which we both replied to with yes, but since said two days ago we barely speak. His answers are short af, he doesn't reach out on his own and I feel sreaighg up ignored. What's going on here? Please all men/women/non binary help!!
[–]Spirited_Citron_2352 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Yeah. Same BS happened to me. Been talking to someone for a few months and made plans to hangout out. A few days pass and he barely spoke. When he did it was short, sometimes 1 word. A few days before the hangout day said he's been seeing someone else, has feelings for them, and now only sees me as a good friend. Wth? O.o
[–]desperate_for_a_name 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I'm sorry that it happened to you but I can no say that I feel your pain ^ Thank you for sharing :))
[–]LARPing_Kiltsman 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
If you like them, keep in touch with them, be a good friend, and when the other person turns out to be crap, well you're there for them. And they'll trust you more because you been there through thick and thin. Trust is everything, so is communication, so trust their judgment so they have the confidence to ditch the other person if they slip up, and communicate your respect and value of their friendship regularly so they know you're there for them and, with subtlety and good humor, occasionally remind them of your continued interest.
[–]Spirited_Citron_2352 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This sounds like a good way to become the fall back girl or 2nd option. He already said he sees me as a friend. Not trying to get rejected again. After the 1st rejection I just left him alone and moved on to someone else. If he changes his mind, he knows how to find me.
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
He probably just met someone else.
EDIT Public service announcement: Know how to identify an asshole and a dickhead when you meet them.
[–]desperate_for_a_name 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thanks guys, I probably just needed to hear it directly ^
[–][deleted] 10 points11 points12 points 4 years ago (19 children) | Copy Link
As a girl I can confirm most of this, I just wish there was a guide like this for girls about guys, lol!
[–]Canadian-Seductioner 9 points10 points11 points 4 years ago (12 children) | Copy Link
I would've thought knowing when guys are interested vs not interested would be fairly obvious. Where are you finding the confusion?
[–][deleted] 4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link
Honestly I think most confusion about interest in relationships arises because different things typically have different meanings to different people.
For example, stereotypically guys are a little more straightforward than girls, so if a guy and a girl are talking and both say straight up that they're romantically interested in one another, for the guy that's the end of the story and he's happy she likes him back. But the girl might wonder if he's just messing with her, or if he likes her as much as she likes him, or what it "means" to him when he says he likes her.
So basically, it seems like OP really has girls figured out at least in this respect, but it takes a while to get that figured out, especially with all the crazy emotions of a new relationship involved. Does that make sense?
[–]Canadian-Seductioner 12 points13 points14 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Here's what I can tell you about guys. Most guys' main priority is to get laid. This means that when a guy says straight up that he's romantically interested, it's either because he actually is or because he's lying because he wants to get into your pants. If he doesn't even want to get into your pants (and there is no other ulterior motive), then he wouldn't even say that in the first place. There isn't really any other alternative to this and any other alternatives that a girl might come up with like the ones you mentioned are all in a girl's head. Like you said, guys are straightforward.
Now if your question is "how do I know if a guy is actually interested in something serious or just trying to get into my pants?", well then the answer is a bit more nuanced. This whole sub is dedicated to learning how to get into girls' pants so in a way, you're asking the right people lol.
Basically, the best way to figure that out is to take the lead in chasing the guy rather than being chased. Since guys are used to taking the lead all the time, they are always in control of their schedules and conversations with girls so if you flip it around on them, it should be easy to figure out if they're actually genuine.
For example, start leading the conversation with him instead of waiting for him to start one with you, start asking him when he's free to hang out instead of waiting for him to ask you, etc. If he starts pulling some of the moves that OP mentioned in his post, there's a good chance he might only be in it for the pussy. If however he's super responsive and is accommodating to your schedule to do things that aren't just smashing, then there's a good chance he's interested in a relationship.
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Good to know, this makes a lot of sense! I guess I am asking the right people, lol
[–]SergeantWea 4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago* (7 children) | Copy Link
I think that a great rule of thumb is "is the guy willing/ready to spend time/and or money on you? If yes, he's interested.
I can only speak from my own personal experience, but I'm sure other men feel the same way. if you're a single guy who's looking to date/get into a relationship, you only have a finite amount of money and time. regardless of what your feelings are on gender roles in dating, the very vast majority of the time the man will initiate and plan first dates, and is generally expected to pay (at least at first).
with that being said, a guy would 100% not invite a girl out if he wasn't willing and prepared to do so.
as far as personal interactions, I think it's a safe bet to follow similar logic and say that, if a man is actively seeking to spend time with only you at a party (especially if there's other girls there) then there's a good chance that he's very interested.
[–]Spirited_Citron_2352 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Thank you! Your advice is really appreciated!
[–]IntelligentPurple4 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Watch what happens when you act like sex is plentiful and you can take it or leave it. Women will be ALL over you because you are so vastly different than the others and inside, they will freak out wondering if they are still attractive. Do it, see what happens. Act like sex is no big deal.
[–]truthbomb999 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Terrible advice. I'm not interested unless I know we are sexually compatible. I'm not spending too much time or money on anyone who wants to hold back on sex as a prize.
[–]SergeantWea -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
terrible response because you based that comment of of your own preferences rather than in objective reality- men ask girls on dates to show interest. not exactly rocket surgery and if you asked anyone they'd very likely agree
[–]truthbomb999 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
men ask girls on dates to show interest
Incorrect. men ask women on dates with the hopes it ends with sex.
[–]SergeantWea -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
right....interest
[–][deleted] -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You're right, he's reaching.
And I don't know why. That's the type of attitude that leaves everyone confused.
Needed a witness. Life needs more witnesses, that's where people like me come in.
SERIOUSLY
[–]Spirited_Citron_2352 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Omg yes! I feel like guys do these EXACT same things. Plus, if guys are so straightforward then why not straight up tell the girl they're not interested? Instead, they stop responding or ghost you for days/weeks/months. THEN have the nerve to pop back up like nothing happened. Like sir, I'm confused to the 10th degree now. What do you want from me?! Lol
Seriously!! Like, there's always two reasons a guy could be doing something, and you're never sure. For example, if he doesn't talk to you he's either 1) Really interested but trying to seem cool, or 2) Not interested at all! But the more they talk the more confusing they get lol.
[–]truthbomb999 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Guides for women are so easy....be sexually available, don't be fat, be kind and have a nice attitude.
Ok makes sense! Proof that good advice doesn't have to be complex or take up space to be effective, lol
[–]truthbomb999 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Most good advice is well known and simple, but it may not be easy or what people want to hear and so many people are seeking to justify their own laziness or bad behavior
[–]Canadian-Seductioner 5 points6 points7 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Great post! A lot of guys need to learn this. Understanding this leads to having a lot of time and energy saved.
It should be pinned.
[–]don_Shado 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thank you!
[–]Spinuchi 4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
Needed this.. Im one of those guys.. Definitely mixed signals.. Her responses went up from a few hours to like 30 or an hour at one point. She started messaging me just seeing how my night was going every now and then. Had pur 4th date 2 weekends ago. The next day she messaged saying she doesnt know if she has the capacity for romance or intimacy right now but has alot of fun with me and wants to hangout. Then offered to hangout the next weekend. I told her no worries we hardly no eachother no need to worry about anything. Since then though its felt off.. Her replies pace slowed up again. I ended up notnseeing her this weekend cuz I expected her to tell me a day. Saw her Friday at an event and its felt a little off. I messaged her last night saying I was sorry we didnt get together this weekend, some stuff came up. And that I want to see her again if she wanted to hangout soon.. Still no reply
This whole thing has felt off from the beginning and i kept getting mixed signals. In person things were great, but outside of that I couldn't read her. Then she finally started to warm up a little. Then hit me with that text last week. Since then its felt off.. Really sucks a have had other women show me interest since I met her, but they were all so boring. I m so attracted to this one for so many reasons.. But mentally im drained dealing with all this
[–]probablysomeonecool 7 points8 points9 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
reply
Sucks, man, but honestly the solution is to pull back. Focus your energy other directions - yourself, your friends, these other "boring" girls. Don't engage with this girl for a week+, if she contacts you first be polite but short, and DON'T contact her first. If she wants to schedule something say you're busy then, but you'll get back to her later. Wait several days at minimum before getting back to her. Then you can TRY to hang out with her after that, although tbh it's more likely than not gonna flounder.
[–]Spinuchi 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Man Idk how i havent fucked this up.. I have still contacted her throughout the last week and like I said noticed her replies got more distant etc.. And I didnt setup for hanging out this last weekend like she asked originally..
She got back to me tonight about hanging out this weekend.. So setup for this weekend, then just not reach out until then is my plan?
[–]TheSunshineMan 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
4th date... How many of those dates have you had sex on?
If none.. you probably put yourself into the friend zone..
And lost interest..
[–]Spinuchi 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
I know.. So 3rd date almost had sex.. We were at her place making out I was gripping her throat, she was moaning, she was sucking my finger.. Then her roommate came home and walked in with a party of friends.. So we hung out with them. Then the girl smoked some weed and hot anxiety and started crying because of something that was going on with one of her friends..
4th date we still made out but it was less passionate, then she shut me down on sex.. Asked her whats up and she told me she struggles with intimacy right now cuz of some Shit from the past
Now in reality is am horrible with escalation honestly. I had her there the 3Rd date and could've found a day if i was smoother. 4th date I didnt properly escalate. And to be honest I dont have a lot of sexual experience so i have some mental anxiety attached to it.
After last week I made it clear im interested in hanging out still but im sexually attracted to her and not into straight friendship. She messaged me back tonight and said she wants to hang out this weekend.. Any advice?
[–]TheSunshineMan 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Stop holding back and the man she wants you to be..
The man that goes after what he wants.
Take what's yours.
[–]Spinuchi 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Should I tell her this weekend works and skip going out? Straight to the house to drink and watch a movie? At this point I do feel confident that I can make out with her and physically escalate like I did on the 3Rd date..
Honestly dont know how I havent completely fucked this up at this point.. Still feel I can repair it by being that man.. Having sex.. Then backing off to restore a little mystery and attraction
[–]TheSunshineMan 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
Yes 100%..
I don't really ever do public dates..
Why make it harder on yourself than you have to?
You should still have a ton of mystery left..
She should still barely know much about you..
[–]Spinuchi 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Ya the first 3 were fun we went drinking barcade random shit like that and it was all dutch so I didnt mind.. Got a little salty after the 4th date.. I thought I should step it up a bit.. Went to dinner did some other things and i covered it all.. Spent a good bit of change.. Then got denied on the sex and I kinda got thrown off.. Then she hit me with that message about struggling with romance and intimacy right now..
I have no plans on spending anymore money in her now, and i told her im fine with no romance, not necesarilly looking for a relationship, especially with someone i hardly even know.. But having someone that is interesting and fun to hook up with is all im in for right now.
[–]douknowmasha 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
mn i read this shit in a funny voice and the move on part rhymed really well,😂
[–]Xombie0991 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I’m surprised no guy came in here like “I disagree. If you have game you can change her to be interested.” The whole dating scene seems really confusing to me but this post gives me hope that it’s more simple than I think.
[–]don_Shado 4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This guide isn't really for "dating", it's more judging if she's even interested at all before you start that process. A lot of guys want to jump into dating a girl, while having no idea they're not even interested and just don't want to reject you. Hope this helps.
[–]Calamity__Bane 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Great post! With respect to this:
Is she playing "games" or being "confusing" or "playing hard to get"?
even if she is playing hard to get, the correct response is still to move on.
I wish I could post gifs and memes on Reddit I swear.
[–]MrNiko_Bellic 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
R advice
[–]Spirited_Citron_2352 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
So about 2 years ago I got a new job and met a nice guy there who actually wanted to be my boyfriend. However I wasn't interested in dating a coworker because of all the pitfalls I've heard of. We acted like bf/gf but without the title. Well I left that job and we kept in touch via text and social media here and there. Asked the basics of "how you're doing and what's new?" but that's it. Well he eventually got a gf and blocked me on ALL social media but would still text me and say crazy stuff like he misses me and loves me and acted like we were back fwb. I told him this can't continue because he's got a gf now and that's crossing boundaries. Plus, I was tired of being his secret friend that he only talks to when his gf isn't around.
I woke up one day and was DONE and TOO TIRED to care anymore.
Cut him off FINALLY back in April of this year and haven't heard from him since. Do I miss him...a little. I miss the companionship/friendship.
Question? Once he got a gf, why did he start saying inappropriate things? I tried ignoring him and told him he's crossing boundaries but he still continued. Why do people play games like this?
[–]wejaow 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This post is so on point. I tell my homies all the time: “don’t ever give a woman the chance to reject you twice.”
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Ok when I’m talking to girls I’m gonna pull out this list. Preciate it
[–]HotBubblegum1 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This post hits every point so well. I wish dudes took better hints bc when they dont consider social cues shit gets creepy feeling
[–]TWA-GGLMG 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Captain your own ship and you’ll never be lost
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
As a girl I can confirm this. And I as I grow older I feel very bad for doing it (on behalf of girls I'm sorry) Most of the time it’s not because we want to misguide you. Some men can't stand being rejected and become aggressive if you say it directly (I.e. r/niceguys )
Very true but I don't feel sorry for doing so when my safety is in jeopardy. In the nicest and most respectful way possible, I told one guy "No thank you, I'm not interested." He followed me, yelling and cursing. After that incident, if I can sense a guy can't handle rejection or has an aggressive demeanor, I'll lie and say "Idk or I'll think about".
If I have access to him through social media or his personal contacts, I'll tell him through there while I'm somewhere far away and safe.
If I don't have access to him and just happen to run into him, I'll walk to a group of people and tell him then. At least there will be witnesses in case he decides to act up.
Holy shit that sounds scary. Of course your safety is first!
[–]Reasonable-Pepper627 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thank you
[–]truuuuuaway -2 points-1 points0 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
So there’s this chick at the gym who’s always trying to work out next to me and I always feel her eyes on me. Every time I try to talk to her she pretend likes she doesn’t hear me, when does finally answer, she gives me super short answers and goes straight back to working out. I though she was disinterested at first or maybe it’s because my openers are wack. I left her alone and moved on. Next day/week she back to working out next to me reassuming my oneitis.
I know she’s not shy since I always see her talking to everyone in a bubbly way, but when I try to talk to her, she turns into a chick that’s too good for me. I also don’t think she’s just fishing for attention, there’s so many other dudes there she can get it from but it seems like she doing it to me
Last week after trying to get her attention I looked in her eyes and let out the biggest smile/laugh after realizing this whole thing is ridiculous. I saw her make a super quick smirk for like 1/5 of a second then her face straight back to bitch mode after I tried to talk to her like an autist lol. But yeah anyways, I’m still not sure if she’s into me that’s why I haven’t asked her out this whole 4 months this has been happening.
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
she's not into you
[–]truuuuuaway 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Care to explain?
Reread the original post. Smoke two joints and pm OP in the afternoon.
Not the morning. Don't be creepy.
[–]truuuuuaway -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Lol not gonna lie I skimmed through the post.
PM who? I didn’t pm anyone and it’s afternoon where i am
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