Single guys will often get fixated on a female “friend” or acquaintance that is already in a relationship. This is because the female acquaintance either shows them kindness, flirts with them, or acts in way that they misinterpret as behavior that they believe is romantic interest.

These guys are usually either lonely or have a mindset that they are not worthy of a girlfriend themselves, so they build these interactions up in their mind, and put her on pedestal, even in some instances where they haven’t known her for very long. In his mind, there is a “connection”, because she is the only attractive female that is showing him positive attention and is his primary source of validation.

In these type of dynamics, there are usually three scenarios at play:

She is just being a kind, friendly person and he is so needy that he latches on to any positive interaction with a female.

She enjoys attention from other male sources aside from her boyfriend, and is using the guy “friend” as constant source of validation.

She has crossed the lines of what is appropriate, and either has been sexually suggestive, excessively flirtatious, or hooked up with the “friend”. In this instance, he thinks he is special and believes it is only a matter of time before they are together romantically

The thing is, he isn’t special, there isn’t a connection. If she breaks up with her boyfriend, the male bystander loses his shit or is utterly confused when she moves on with another guy instead of him. He thought it was his turn.

In scenarios two and three, he put a woman on pedestal who was either untrustworthy or insecure. He was in fantasy land and believed that she was just with the wrong guy, her actions were the result of their imagined connection.

The woman’s intent in these scenarios is irrelevant. Waiting in the wings for someone who is unavailable and building a future around them is the ultimate form of needy behavior. When things don’t unfold as they do in his misguided fantasy, he only has himself to blame. He was desperate and wasn’t grounded in reality.

If you find yourself in this scenario, find your happiness in your own development, and only put emotional investment in women who make you a priority as well, not as a plaything or an amusing distraction.