Girl who has been 'just friends' with me suddenly comes on to me.

georgec95 · 2015-05-16T12:58:14+00:00

She's trying to reel you back in there, resist, in fact i'd cut her off completely.

What does she add to your life? It sounds like she only gives a shit when your attention isn't turned on her.

SamGill · 2015-05-16T14:39:09+00:00

attention bro she wants YOUR attention...........and she wants to know her market value........can she reel you in even though you're seeing someone?

teh_booth_gawd · 2015-05-16T16:23:47+00:00

Be as uninterested in her as she previously was with you.

ArtimusX · 2015-05-16T13:31:52+00:00

Why is it that girls only like you when you are not available?

BECAUSE you're not available. Neediness & Attractiveness have a directly inverse relationship

Havic3814 · 2015-05-16T14:38:19+00:00

Simply boils down to now that you have found someone for yourself, she doesn't have you to coddle her. And she's playing your feelings to try to get it back.

Tog_the_destroyer · 2015-05-16T18:31:51+00:00

As soon as I start seeing a girl, she's literally all over me.

There are a multitude of reasons why this can happen: Sometimes it is an attempt to sabotage your new relationship; other times it is a desperate plea for your attention because she's afraid she'll lose you as friend or potential mate; other times it is because you're now safe to flirt with because you'll have to hold back; other times it will be her attempt to tell you something with actions she hasn't been able to say with words. Then there is the other reason, you're safe, and suddenly you're both inebriated around each other. Not a safe mix, that last one.

The most important thing you can do here is not listen to the most common advice most people will give you. Most will say 'drop this friendship like a bad habit, she's poison' because they see her as too much effort to deal with. But the fact that she frustrates the hell out of you by doing this is likely because secretly, you'd rather be with her or have entertained that idea in the past. You probably wish she would initiate conversation more, be open with you, and possibly even just straight up be-with you.

If this has been an ongoing and repeated problem for you, chances are good it has caused drama for you in the past. But you didn't ditch her before... Why? You need to answer that not for me or anyone else, but for yourself. Why would you put up with that? Why have you done so multiple times? What other conditions come about that cause it to go down like this? If the lazy, fast answer of 'drop her' would work now, why wouldn't it before? Perhaps you've hit a breaking point?

If its because you really do like her, have liked her a long time, etc, then you need to tell her. Because it would be healthier for all involved to ask her to talk to you, get her alone somewhere semi-public and tell her exactly what this does to you, than to just drop her like a bad habit. Why? Because she might not have any idea what she's doing to you. OR it could turn out she does and its an attempt at sabotage, in which case you need to know that about her. At that point she really will be poison, not because some jerk-off on a forum said so, but because she's confirmed it. That kind of person will--even after you drop them--try to find ways to sabotage you. Writing them off just gives them the best excuse in the world to talk crap about you to anyone who will listen.

If you need a line of dialogue to start with, try this: "I've liked you for years and tried to be your friend, and I've even considered being more than your friend, but you wouldn't give me the time of day. Now that I'm seeing someone, you're all over me. I don't know why--you don't do that normally--but it's causing problems for me. It's very frustrating. I would totally welcome it if I wasn't seeing someone, but I am, and you're making that harder for me. What I want to know is why." If you read that closely, it would be you telling her exactly what you've told us.

No matter how she responds to that, you will know more about her than you do right now. If she says that's not what really happens, she might not know she does it. If she is surprised you've liked her and this is problematic for you, maybe she's just oblivious and has no idea what her animal side wants. If she gives you a real, honest answer, you'll probably learn a ton of stuff about how she thinks about the world. If she straight-up freaks out on you, then you know you've hit paydirt.

The thing most guys can't get through their thick heads is that girls--even standoffish, introverted, shy, anxious ones--are more likely to communicate how they feel than a guy is. But they won't do it unless you prod them a bit to find out what is happening inside their head. Why? Because of fear; fear of how they'll be seen, how others will think of them, etc. A lot of girls are very anxious and it's one of the reasons why the prettiest girl in the room may even be the loneliest.

2015-05-16T17:16:33+00:00

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JefemanG · 2015-05-16T15:14:15+00:00

She wants to see not only if she can get you, but also you have proof now. This new girl you're with proves you're desirable and now she wants you. Ever hung out with a group of girls and been flirty with one? Notice all the others will start being the same and compete for your attention. It's the same idea here.

smoochie100 · 2015-05-16T14:16:53+00:00

It's only a test to see if she could get you

locotx · 2015-05-16T20:17:42+00:00

Don't worry, just as soon as you express interest she'll lose interest in you.

2015-05-16T19:06:50+00:00

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matrix2002 · 2015-05-17T00:20:19+00:00

Of course, this is pretty common.

The only way to deal with it is:

1) She is crazy, so cut her out of your life.

2) Make it a relationship on your terms, invite her over and then try to escalate. No date. No discussion about "where this is going". You just try to escalate, within reason, of course. If she doesn't want to, then stop and show her the door.

ArtimusX · 2015-05-16T19:25:02+00:00

Some girls get off on the idea that they're hotter than other women. My freshman year in college, I was an absolute retard about women: I was a terminally nerdy social reject in high school, and had nothing to do that summer, so I hit the gym and bulked up like crazy because I was still blessed with a fast metabolism. College comes about, I had a significantly improved body (still meh, but a lot better than before), and some confidence. I met my now-fiance, and things were great. Then Alicia happened: she was a snake. Like I said, I was clueless, so the little things went right past me: she was holding my arm while we were walking, I thought it was because it was cold out. She sat exceptionally close in class, I thought it was because we were friends. We ended up doing some group work together, and she came to my house (I was living with my fiance at the time), and they met like fire and ice: Alicia was super fake warm to her, and in turn, fiance was fake nice right back. It was like they were best friends, just with this livewire of "FUCK YOU BITCH" going between them. Within 20 minutes of hopeless me and her going back to my room to (actually) discuss classwork, she had somehow managed to sneak the following into the conversation:

1) How much she likes gaming and how she thinks nerds are hot (I had a Skyrim poster on my wall)

2) How she liked to shave her cooch hair into little patterns for whoever she was dating, did my fiance do that for me (?!?)

3) Nice matress! (Flopped down on the bed and spread out)

Now, not saying that this girl you're friends with is that extreme, but women think differently than men in a lot of ways, and I got it beaten into my head by the fiance and her (actual) best friend that some chicks dig guys who aren't single because they are a challenge; the fact that I was totally into my then-girlfriend in a big, bad way made it all the more interesting. Don't let her do that to you. If someone is coming onto you due to circumstance and not because they are legitimately into you for you, that can never end well.

rainbowSober · 2015-05-17T00:48:42+00:00

Dude these other comments are mostly bullshit. Just do what you want, be Alpha. If you want her, have her. If you don't want her, don't. If you want to keep flirting with her, do that. If you want to just be friends then tell her to cool down.

innergame · 2015-05-16T21:08:46+00:00

Has anything changed in her life? Maybe this isn't about you. Or, at least, not only about you.

azority · 2015-05-16T21:18:50+00:00

If the world worked according to Reddit's suggestions, we would all break up with our partners and unfriend our friends.

spm201 · 2015-05-17T01:44:04+00:00

Psychological phenomenon called social proof.

2015-05-16T16:12:11+00:00

It's just the way girls are man, once they start seeing you as desirable they're all over you. Don't let it get in the way, which I'm sure you won't. I had a girl in my life who was important to me but the relationship was very one sided and whenever I went to see another girl she'd hit me with the "I'm jealous." I let it get to me and it got in the way, never again.

caesarfecit · 2015-05-16T18:10:24+00:00

Simple. If you're worth having, a girl wants herself on your radar screen, there isn't a normal straight girl alive who doesn't want to be wanted. So not wanting them fundamentally opens them to frustration from which they seek release. Then it's your job to be the right guy at the right place at the right time. See, rejecting, ignoring, or slighting a girl doesn't have same effect because you have to pay attention to her - the lack of judgment and therefore attention or reaction is what drives them nutty.

That's why guys often get wrong with teasing and negs. The goal isn't to damage her ego, its to signal that sexually, she's not on your radar screen. Being too aggressive defeats the purpose.

bong-water · 2015-05-16T20:51:14+00:00

Jealousy,she might be somewhat attracted to you but not enough that she wants to fuck. If you keep going after other women and ignoring her you might end up fucking her. I've been in a similar situation and I ended up getting laid last night doing exactly what I said.

Azn_dan · 2015-05-17T00:13:06+00:00

Because you act different when you are unavailable.. They want what they cant get so be that way when you are available dont give her the attention she needs. You do the push and pull. Give her some of her own medicine

theelementalflow · 2015-05-17T04:48:35+00:00

She doesn't know what she's missing out on until you're gone. ;)

wannagetbaked · 2015-05-17T11:39:21+00:00

Psychological reactance

Title	Girl who has been 'just friends' with me suddenly comes on to me.
Author	georgec95
Upvotes	295
Comments	44
Date	May 16, 2015 12:54 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/365u8n/girl_who_has_been_just_friends_with_me_suddenly/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/girl-who-has-been-just-friends-with-me-suddenly.1293599 https://theredarchive.com/post/1293599

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