What was your "Fuck it, I'm changing my life" moment?

gx61 · 2013-01-08T21:28:40+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Zaiton · 2013-01-08T20:16:00+00:00

Love threads like this as it makes me remind what i've been through and motivates me to go further. Bit of a lengthy post but just writing the story out feels wonderful.

I'm 21, I think it was in the end of October 2012. I was riddled with social anxiety, confirmation seeking and mental walls as high as i could build them. I was terrified of talking to strangers and i even remember refusing to enter clothing stores because i hated strangers greeting me. I've always been in shape and been a "Nice Guy". Loved gaming and anything related to games. Oh, did i forget to say i was a virgin? It's okay, i still am! :D

Pretty much said "Fuck it, my life sucks and i can't do this anymore or i'm going to go insane" Uninstalled every game i had, read Models by Mark Manson and started the change right after i was done. Re-evaluated the way i interacted with family, friends, strangers and noticed really quickly people telling me how much happier i was coming across.

Even after having worked out consistently 2 to 3 times a week for about 8 months(started a few months before realization) it came as a surprise how amazing my new clothes fit. I started seeing differences in how people perceived me and the same night i made out with a girl for the first time in years.

And today? Well, i'm still far from done and i'm questioning if i'll ever be. I feel happier, social, ambitious and motivated to see what life has to offer. I'm still working on some social anxieties and expressing myself to strangers and my kino escalation is terrible. The difference is, i'm seeing progress and i'm happy i caught myself while i was still young instead of dragging on for years.

Oh, and the saying "You won't find it till you stop looking" finally dawned on me.

puaCurveBall · 2013-01-08T18:52:29+00:00

25, went through a nasty breakup. Never had been single before. Wrote about it here

Sedditer · 2013-01-08T22:15:50+00:00

When I saw Zyzz.

Mr_Zarika · 2013-01-08T21:03:47+00:00

[permanently deleted]

rdkswt · 2013-01-09T05:38:50+00:00

like most people here, it all started with a crushed heart. I could never really understand why I couldn't get a girl to like me, I did everything wrong. I was the guy who wrote poems to girls and thought that it would automatically make them love me. Anyways, when I was 19 I finally got a girl interested in me, god knows how, and I decided I was going to do anything to make her my girlfriend. You know. Because I loved her.(lol) It all started pretty good, we went on a few dates and I was happier than ever. And then, one night at her place, she asked me to stay over night and my mind was spazzing out. I thought it was the night my life would change. But when i layed there beside her, I didn't dare to do a thing and i convinced myself that we needed more time before we had sex or even kissed eachother. I spent a couple of more nights with her and for every time she became more distant, and I thought to myself, I have to do something! So I made the most logical thing I could think of in that period of my life. I told her i loved her. right there, beside her in the bed. And then, NOTHING. She gave me the "lets just be friends speak" and I cried in front of her, like that was going to help. I continued to hang out with her "as a friend" with hopes of maybe turning her around, I was obsessed with her. when she met other guys I got yealous and started accusing her for being a yerk because she knew how i felt about her.

This continued on for about 5months or something before she invited me to her grandparents, she was going to watch their dog and she didn't want to be alone. I accepted the invitation and when the day came i had completely forgot about it, I was in another town, completely wasted with my friends when she called me and wondered when I was coming. I told her the truth and said that I probably wouldn't be able to make it, she was really upset. Later that day I started to sober up and i was really regretting my decission so I called her and told her that I was coming anyway. When I arrived she was drunk, all by herself and reaaaally pissed of at me. I managed to get her in a better mood and we decided to go for a walk at the beach just outside her grandparents house. By now I had started to realize that things were probably never going to happen between us so I was treating her more like a friend than the "love of my life" at this moment. And when we sat down for a while, she suddenly kissed me! my mind completely exploded and I didn't know what the fuck to believe! I thought nothing was going to happen and now she's kissing me!? I immediately went back to treating her like before, saying i love her and showering her with compliments all night. The day after she said that she was confused and needed some time to think about everything.

I thought that i'd finally won the battle and was happier than ever before, until i opened the local newspaper. she'd sent in a quote from a song she liked to some guy named something, I wasn't sure if it was her who had sent it so i called her to just ask about it and she immediately started to say "i'm sorry, i'm sorry we can still be friends". I didn't understand at all but she explained that she had been seeing another guy for a while (the guy named something) and I couldn't believe what i heard, she had been seeing another guy, behind my back! I was devastated and told her i didn't want to talk to her and I walked around town like a mad man, i even threw a lighter at some poor girl who was only asking if she could borough it! after a while I cooled down and called a friend who told me some comforting words and i were no longer completely crazy.

Later that day she called me and told me that she would stop seeing him if we only could be friends again. I told her that I wasn't to sure if I could be "just friends" anymore and that I was tired of feeling like shit. We didn't talk that much for a couple of days an then one day she called and asked if she could spend the weekend at my place. I said of course!

Now we come to the part that fucked me up and changed my life.

she came to my house and it felt pretty normal. we talked like we used to talk and so on, no hard feelings. She asked me if I had any alcohol at home and said that she wanted to party a little. So we started drinking and talked about everything between heaven and hell. After a while we started to get pretty drunk and she started kissing me. It escalated pretty fast and before i knew it we were having sex, it was my first time. when we were done she said "are you happy know?". I didn't know what to answer so i guess i didn't answer at all, and I bet I was looking kind of dumb. "this was what you wanted right? to fuck me! are you happy now!?" I was fucking paralyzed, couldn't even think straight. then she got dressed and left. fuck...

i was a total mess for about 6 months before i saw some deangelo video at youtube's recomended for you thingie and after that i just sat at home pretty much 24/7 just watching a TON of game-related videos.

now one year later I am who I am today, and that's a better person that i have ever been and i know that I can be even better!

WarriorHawk · 2013-01-08T20:40:23+00:00

19, Was dumped right before my birthday (over Skype too lmao). Realized I was 30lbs heavier than I had been all of high school.

Realized I had just been drifting through my days not really living them.

Murmaider · 2013-01-08T22:06:23+00:00

I was tired of waiting for things to happen, decided I would take control of my life and MAKE things happen.

Crane08 · 2013-01-09T04:11:27+00:00

More of a series of events over a period of time.

June 2011., 26yo, unemployed as the rest of the country, sitting on the computer thinking about stupid shit, not motivated, depressed like never before, bitter, angry, the whole deal. Looking at it now it was rock bottom when it come to my psyche. And not the first time I reached it. I had/have two very good friends that have helped me years earlier in their own way and were it not for them I wouldn't be here today.

ANYWAY, I get a phone call from a job place I called a month and half earlier. Since its seasonal work and the season started a month ago, I have at this point lost all hope of getting a call back. "We're interested," says the old lady on the other side, "are you available?" "Uhhh..."

Fast forward 3 days later, I'm 500km away and getting to know the boss, which happens to live close to me so he's familiar with the situation at where I live. Now, at this point I expected everyone to be a cunt. My previous jobs were shit, coworkers were... difficult and I was usually not motivated to keep them. The boss ended up being something of a... well, a perfect boss? I have NEVER in my life met a person like him. The guy is funny, serious when the job is at stake, organized, will give advice, always has time to answer my questions. He's a god damn posterboy for... something. You know how there are people with whom you will charge a machine gun nest with a gun and no bullets and somehow gets you out alive? Yeah. I met my Yoda.

He was also in a bit of a pickle since HR didn't bother sending him an extra worker earlier, so now he was stuck with untrained me. He didn't say it, but we both knew it. He (and the rest of the staff) also had 10 (trial) days to teach me how to do my job properly. So I put my challengeaccepted.jpg face on and I give it all I got. Every ounce of concentration, focus and mental ability I haven't used in 10 years. I turned the dials to max and then turned them some more, because this is the type of job I wanted and by god I am not gonna waste this fucking opportunity.

Depression? Gone. No time for it, boss was having none of it. Social anxiety? Most of it gone, I'm forced to talk to people. It got better over time. Confidence? In three months I was there, I went from a hopeless forever alone to NEARLY getting laid (it's complicated :D).

Two people helped me there. The boss with his positive attitude and a 58yo coworker lady. She was making me laugh every day (in all fairness she was on anti-depressives and probably saw a bit of herself in me and wanted to help). I love her, she was a great influence, I nearly cried when I was leaving.

Got home, compared before and after, said fuck that shit and decided to do something about it. First things first, the weight. I lost 15kg over the summer and I wanted to go more. Went to my doctor and had a long conversation about various things. While the advice she gave me was good, it didn't work for me. I gradually gained weight again, but I didn't consider it a massive setback. Everything relapsed during winter, but not as much as I feared.

Got called next summer again. A complete shitfest this time due to not having the same boss. He worked at a different place, we talked a lot, etc. Survived 3 months of hell, got home and thought to myself "If I could survive that shit, and that asshole, nothing can stop me now". Found /r/keto, /r/getdisciplined and a few other how-to-change-your-life subreddits and got to it. I lost 25kg in 6 months and still going down, I removed a bunch of stuff/people in my life that were of no use to me, reignited some old friendships that died over the years, lost a few along the way since I "changed".

Overall, I'm mentally stronger now, I've stopped tolerating bullshit from certain people, I'm moving in the right direction and things would move faster if I had a job and living alone. Beware of people around you. They hate change, they will try to stop you, they will try to sabotage everything you accomplish, they will try and manipulate for their own benefit. Because they see you and HATE the fact they don't have a fucking clue where to start fixing their own lives.

Apologies for the wall of text. :)

Getstronger · 2013-01-09T04:56:57+00:00

Like last week when I realized I was a 22 year old physically fit Marine and the only girl I had gone out with was for 1 month in high school and the only girl Idd ever slept with was a stripper I paid for in Tijuana Mexico. Somethings gotta change.

Yellow_Crackers · 2013-01-08T22:40:20+00:00

I was 25 and just got my acceptance letter to transfer into UC Berkeley. I was an antisocial World of Warcraft addict at the time but knew I had to quit. So I did. I took up running and went from 180 lbs to 156 lbs within a year. Within another year after that I put back on 20 lbs in upper body muscle through pull ups and dips. Nowadays I fluctuate between 173-177 lbs and I'm only 5'6"

Before Berkeley I had NEVER had a female friend. Being in the Navy on an all male ship didn't help much and I was shy, insecure and had low self esteem in high school. The Navy helped my self-confidence, in a general sense, but I still couldn't feel comfortable around women. That change happened gradually. I eventually started talking to female class mates and sometimes went out with them for coffee or a meal. I never really pursued women, I just wanted to become comfortable around them. I'm 29 now. Very recently I somehow snagged a nice athletic 21 yr old. A good evening for us is an hour long hill run and then spend just as long doing bed ops. Life is good. :)

2013-01-09T01:03:49+00:00

I read The Game shortly after my now-ex-wife left me. I was at an all-time-low in confidence and happiness, then I had a rebound relationship that put me through the wringer. I had always been okay with women, but I was feeling like a my best days were behind me. I was just another washed-up 40 year old.

Four years later, life is better than ever.

I want to add that therapy was a huge help for me. The PUA stuff I read has been very helpful in terms of strategy, but my therapist really forced me dig into the limiting beliefs and unconscious behaviors that made the strategies necessary in the first place.

apt-get_life · 2013-01-09T15:19:58+00:00

Uggh, last winter. A girl of totally middling attractiveness went cold on me and I forced myself to understand why; I was better looking than her, had more money, tell interesting stories... why can't I keep even a plain looking girl? "It's your social skills, stupid!"

I was 20.

2013-01-09T17:22:48+00:00

Never had one. Gradual.

Correction: Had several. They were never real. It's been a gradual process. Still is; I feel like I'm just fifty steps into a thousand-step journey.

2013-01-08T23:17:06+00:00

Got beaten by a fucker who took my (now ex)girlfriend while being dead-drunk ... nobody stand for me from my "friends", bartender told me to get off the bar even I got kicked and that fucker was laughing. Got home smiling 'cause it was rock bottom for me, signed up for Krav Maga that week, start standing for myself, stopped that "ok ok we will figure something out just calm down I don't wanna make you angry" guy. Still working on it but Iam in a much MUCH different place then before this incident.

1SweetChuck · 2013-01-09T02:11:53+00:00

Watching the girl I liked walk to her apartment door with a guy she didn't like, after a night of them drinking an me the designated driver.

puntingbaxter · 2013-01-08T21:25:04+00:00

Hated myself...

Wanted to stop, so I took initiative.

Wish it was as simple as it sounds. But, as I continue to improve myself I appreciate the work I have put in to this point.

I appreciate how hard it is to change.

Mr_Zarika · 2013-01-08T22:30:49+00:00

[permanently deleted]

dre_day4 · 2013-01-08T22:33:30+00:00

It was gradual, but it really did happen on Halloween. I was on mushrooms and had some life changing realizations. It motivated me to become better and have held it ever since.

I started going to the gym (lots of help), started smoking less weed, made an effort in social situations and started doing what I wanted to do rather than what my dad wants.

2013-01-09T15:24:07+00:00

Broke up with my ex and was left emotionally destroyed and bitter. If our relationship were to end I expected it to be a clean break-up; instead she moved in with another guy and cheated on me for months before finally caving and telling me. Shit dragged on for a few months after that - it was awful. Finally she got knocked up by the guy and I stopped talking to her.

After a year of barely any communication with my ex, I discovered what it meant to be self-sufficient, a leader, and an individual. I greatly developed my social circle(s) and started going out. I wasn't really pulling often but I had little successes here and there. My schooling really turned around and I managed to secure my career too. Things were looking up.

After graduating university and starting work I started getting back into the dating scene. I went on a few dates and really chode-ed it up. Super AFC. I blew $300 across 2 dates with 2 different girls in September and said to myself that it would never happen again. That's when I started seriously reading pickup material. Now I'm really into RSD and Alan Watts and it's helped my game huge. My life isn't fully turned around, but my game is slowly getting better over time. I'm basically following Tyler's quote:

Pickup Year 1: Go out and talk to pretty girls.

2013-01-09T01:59:21+00:00

I get those moments every once in a while, but my most recent was a couple of weeks ago:

I was at my buddy's house smoking the MJ and I wandered over to his kitchen, high as fuck, to grab some munchies. His really cute sister is there and she starts hitting on me, only to stop when I appear retarded and can't keep eye contact or string together coherent sentences (this always happens when I get baked). I went home and masturbated for the second or third time that day, then felt like complete shit about myself.

That was the last time I've smoked or jerked it since then. I started posting and reading more on this subreddit, stopped hanging out as much with my group of lazy stoners, and started hitting up parties and girls in my social circle to hang out.

I've kissed my former one-itis and gotten several numbers since then. Have a much more confident and positive outlook on life. Not planning to stop this change anytime soon.

2013-01-09T04:01:13+00:00

Been drifting through life for awhile, wallowing in self-pity over a girl that walked all over me for a year, almost 2 and a half years ago now. We never even dated, just fucked on and off and she had me wrapped around her finger. I'm also quickly approaching 4 years since a real relationship.

I got halfway there over the last year- lost a shitload of weight (60+ pounds) and began dressing well, but I was still drinking heavily.

New Year's Eve something weird happened, and when I woke up, I decided it was time to shape and begin dating girls that I see as high value. No 25 year old girl wants a skinnyfat guy who drinks all the time. Haven't had a drink since. Got back to the gym, and am working on getting caught up on my previous numbers. Already went up 20 in bench, 20 in squat and 30 in deadlift. Here's to life.

MoVaughn707 · 2013-01-09T07:35:26+00:00

I had turned 23 in july 2012 and I realized; my ex cheated on me twice 8 years ago. And since then I had only approached 2 women. One my senior year in high school and the other a month after I turned 18. I said enough. Basically I prescribed myself a hefty dose of MAN THE FUCK UP. Ill tell you what, it worked amazingly well. Im talking to a few girls here and there. Not trying to get laid to be perfectly honest, im just trying to be happy with myself before I try anything more serious. Dont get me wrong though I miss sex, really badly. But its a means to an end. Thank you Seddit.

St4rBr1ght · 2013-01-09T15:41:10+00:00

I've been deciding to change every day(I'm an ambitious guy). I guess it all started a few years ago in the Fall of Sophomore year. A crush I was very close friends with just stopped talking to me, my sport - crew - ended for the season, my classes were very easy for me, and I entered a very deep depression. I've been working out of that, onwards and upwards ever since.

Untraced · 2013-01-09T17:43:31+00:00

Two days ago.

2013-01-10T21:16:15+00:00

I don't want to go into detail, but let's just say I'm an average looking guy with nice guy syndrome and devastating depression, and repelled away even 1 fat chick. Got married once, emotionally abused, and women ended up cheating on me.

I'm at the beginning of a journey now, I'm just afraid I'll be too chicken to follow through with all the great advice / things I'm learning.

By my pure badassery however (I managed to kick a standing punching bag so hard that it broke off and flew into the air during kickboxing) a girl that has told me she has a boyfriend asked me out to apple bee's with one of her other guy friends. I get the "I'm into you but will not cheat on my boyfriend but want the attention as a friend" vibe from her.

It's a start I guess.

Here's my recipe for beating depression so far:

wellbutrin
prozac
therapy
fish oil
magnesium
centrum
vitamin D
b12 / electrolytes [5hr energy + gatorade]
keto (45 lbs lost in 6 months so far)
trying to be more social
extreme exercise
just starting to try to figure out all the wrong ways I'm interacting w/ women, and that it has nothing to do with my looks or wealth, but my behavior

Reddit has really helped me begin to turn my life around. I actually hit rock bottom when I thought I was a psychic conspiracy theorist [yes, I wanted to escape reality THAT badly I developed mild schiz symptoms, turns out I'm just smarter than I thought I was but connected all the WRONG dots subconsciously] which eventually led me to a trip in the mental ward. Those places are hell on earth.

Now I have my subconscious working for me. I can use it in social situations now and problem solving. My trick is to not "think", but just "do." Thinking gets you nowhere fast, as I would just freeze up for way too long to be considered normal, but in reality I was just getting lost in my own head.

I'm a healthy skeptic now. Currently 27, only had one girlfriend/wife, going to change that ASAP

Now that I write this out, I realize everything was wrong with me.

leveledupPUA · 2013-01-08T22:41:12+00:00

When I asked a girl for the first-time when I was 22. (Late bloomer, since my family was going through a financial crisis post-recession in which my parents lost their house and were in a ridiculous amount of debt). And was rejected.

After a week of depression, I got my act together. Blamed myself for my lack of experience. A year since then, I got a fling; which was brief, about a month. Made out with a girl at a random party in front of my oneitis (yeah I figured I should move on, so kinda used her as social proof to secure the make-out). Have a strong feeling that my oneitis might be into me now (but she's also a friend of mine, so I won't pursue it at all due to the social dynamics of our current social circle, basically they act like high school kids).

Shit tons of #-closes and dates, so it's looking good. Still need to sow some wild oats before I'm entirely ready to settle down.

jewiger · 2013-01-09T01:53:39+00:00

There is no aha moment in my opinion. You are going to go through ebbs and flows, good times and bad times, throughout your life. Some time your game will be solid steel and other times it will suck beyond belief. However during those sucky times you can reflect on what's going on and how you can fix it. Things usually always work out in the end.

ClimbTREES · 2013-01-09T02:52:54+00:00

Hooked up with with the sexiest girl I had ever hooked up with back in OCT 2011. She blew me and I went down of her. She blew me two days later...I thought things were going great. The next day she says we should "Just be friends". I was crushed and was stuck in her friendzone for months and months.

Fast forward about 7 months. I was at a female cousins wedding. I was throwing back a few beers with a male cousin of mine, who is practically my brother, and he asked if I had ever read "The Game". He explained some basic theories and I was hooked. I bought the book the next day. The book changed my outlook on male & female interaction.

meximate · 2013-01-10T18:18:00+00:00

I kept watching RSD and I listened to a ton of material, I went to one of their freetours and I they kept pushing to approach. I did, but it still felt akward, now I just do it, because that's just what I do :D. Past week I've been sick, but now that's going away, I feel ready to plow the field once again.

2013-01-08T19:01:17+00:00

Summer of 2012. I didn't like the way I feel and I was mad that I couldn't talk to girls so I started going to the gym so I can be stronger and stand-up for myself. Also joined cross country and took care of myself before I started talking to girls.

Pretty much trying to become alpha

Edit: I'm 17.

Title	What was your "Fuck it, I'm changing my life" moment?
Author	treyn
Upvotes	39
Comments	59
Date	January 8, 2013 6:51 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1673ol/what_was_your_fuck_it_im_changing_my_life_moment/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/what-was-your-fuck-it-im-changing-my-life-moment.1303054 https://theredarchive.com/post/1303054

Comments