My inner game is gamey in the rotten kind of way

intjpua · 2010-05-13T23:22:47+00:00

Here are the things that changed my inner game to where it generally isn't holding me back:

First up, I started working a job that has me talking to hundreds of people in a day a few times a year. I had to make a conscious effort to be the most exciting, enthusiastic, funny, and charming person in the room at these events, but after a while it becomes second nature. I'm actually kinda cocky about these events now, because I genuinely kick ass at these things. Even the hired guns that are rampant at these events are even starting to get flirty with me. At the last event, I pulled off an awesome after-event dinner party that I just sprung into existence during the day...just to see if I could. One of the girls that attended was totally into it, and giving me the doggy dinner bowl look all night. Logistics were the only thing that prevented she and I from spending the night together, but she still emails me and contacts me on facebook asking when I'm going to be back in town. That was a very successful day, and those kinds of minor successes have a real transformative effect on your confidence and inner game.

I had some success...they weren't super-hot girls (less attractive than any girl I'd dated up to that point), but they were cute, not obese, and intelligent and cool to hang out with. In college I had this same thing happen, and ended up dating three girls at once (with each new one being hotter and smarter and kinkier than the last), and had other girls flirting with me...with women, success begets success. After college, I spent several years in an LTR (somewhat codependent), and when I came out the other end, I had very few remaining friends and a very small social circle, and no prospects for girls to date. So, that was when I started in on the PUA and seduction stuff. I started getting flirty with more girls, some I knew already, some I met online or who were friends of friends, some I met in my day to day life, and a few of them took the bait. I got laid a couple of times with different girls, and dated a few others and things turned into friendships.

I think I've mentioned it to you before, but I think what you need more than anything right now is some success. You need to feel like a pimp, and have your way with a girl that is totally hot for you. She doesn't have to be gorgeous, as long as you enjoy spending time with her and she isn't looking for something serious (so, younger is probably better, if you're older than late 20s; my two "mojo recovery" girls were 23 and 24; one was in an open relationship, and the other was playing the field for a while; many girls in their late 20s and early 30s start getting fixated on marriage and kids, and you don't want to distract those girls from their goals just so you can get laid, as they have a shorter window of reproductive opportunity than men).

Since you're approaching a lot, you should be seeing one or two girls every few days that are really into you. Follow up with those girls. Get the number, or get an insta-date. Push forward with her as fast and as far as you can. Maybe 10% of girls that are really into you will sleep with you the day you meet them...within a few hours or even minutes. If that doesn't make you feel like a pimp, nothing will.

Also, address your whole life: Get exercise (weights 3 days a week, cardio the rest), get sunlight, get social activity outside of cold approaches, and get your life in order so it is low-stress and full of pride for the things you have accomplished and are working on.

nooneinparticular · 2010-05-13T22:51:46+00:00

You can't bullshit inner game. It's something that you earn as you grow. You grow by putting yourself out there, working hard, trying, failing, learning, and doing better. It's the confidence you get from being able to look back on a series of hard-won accomplishments, knowing that you're more than equal to the challenges life throws at you. It's difficult to obtain, but nothing worth having is easy to get.

What you can do is try to "fake it 'till you make it." Identify beta behaviors and work to avoid doing those things. It's OK to react with angry jealousy internally, but it's possible to avoid displaying that emotion. Watch people who have really solid inner game and try to model their behaviors. You will eventually internalize solid game by practicing it, which will help you build inner game--but really, it's the successes you have and the experiences you gain from practicing game that help build inner game, not really so much the act of pretending to have it.

Two other things that can help are psychotherapy and putting in a lot of gym time. If you look and feel great, and you have a good therapist to help you analyze your own bullshit, you can make a lot of progress towards becoming more mentally and emotionally strong and healthy (which is what "inner game" really boils down to, I think).

I distinctly remember a time in my own game when my income was literally the only thing that I could think of that might set me above other guys that might be competing for a girl. And income really isn't that important, so I would be insecure and have difficulties attracting women. The more success I had in my career and my hobbies, though, the easier game became. I lost a ton of weight, I ran a marathon, I benched 275 pounds, I got promoted in the same year most people got laid off, I manage people and run meetings well, I have cool friends and my band is awesome. So now, when I talk to girls, I don't even have to mention any of these things for women to know that I speak to them from a base of confidence. My personality has been shaped by my experiences and women respect that. Like I said, you can fake it till you make it, but the goal is to reach a point where you never really consciously "open" or "neg" or "kino" or whatever--you just are that guy, and you succeed with women because you are a person women want to be around.

thefugue · 2010-05-13T22:36:43+00:00

I just want to say that this thread's title sounds like a Strokes lyric.

GreatBarrierReefer · 2010-05-13T22:57:26+00:00

If you have 20 odd hours to spend, download The Blueprint. The entire second half is basically a bunch of tricks to distract your own limiting, noisy mind in a way that will relax you with women. I'm the type who over-analyzes everything, so this sort of training definitely helped me out a lot.

Take up meditation.

Also, you don't have to be able to imagine yourself as Mr. Suave to pull it off - I certainly couldn't when I was learning this stuff. Just fake it till ya make it, and try not to give into astonishment and self-doubt when you see the exponential increase of effectiveness in your interactions with women when you infuse more confidence, whether it be faked adeptly or genuine (I certainly choked because of this the first few times).

rmbarnes · 2010-05-15T13:42:27+00:00

I have awful inner game too, so take the following with an industrial sized pinch of salt.

I don't think there is much you can do to work on your inner game. There are some small ways you can chose to see the world in order to put things into a more positive light (for example, when I try and open and get blown out, I no longer think of it as the girls rejecting me; it's just my approach was off and so they rejected my approach, not me as a person), but I don't think reading all these affirmation type phrases helps much.

You can't fool you're inner voice into being more confident. I think you have to fake external confidence the best you can (smile, body language etc), and when that brings you some success you will naturally feel more confident due to the success you've had.

tl;dr Confidence comes from doing, you can't talk yourself into it.

lovesystemssheriff · 2010-05-16T13:28:26+00:00

Some books:

Psychocybernetics by Maxwell Maltz Iron John by Rober Bly The Power of Now by Ekhart Tolle

All helped me muchly. I'd also like to take a moment to pimp LoveSystems CD #25, the alpha male one, which Braddock, Mr M and I did a while ago, because it's fucking AWESOME, and because the three of us put most of our best inner game ideas in to it.

Title	My inner game is gamey in the rotten kind of way
Author	nooneinparticular
Upvotes	9
Comments	25
Date	May 13, 2010 10:29 PM UTC (16 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/c3sof/my_inner_game_is_gamey_in_the_rotten_kind_of_way/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/my-inner-game-is-gamey-in-the-rotten-kind-of-way.1310339 https://theredarchive.com/post/1310339

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