How to deal with questions like "Do you love me?"

lookatmeimskinny · 2010-06-22T12:48:46+00:00

You have three different options that are a trade off between feeling good internally and having sex:

Be completely honest. You won't get laid quite as much but you'll feel much better about yourself as a person. Also, the more you do it, the easier it will get, and the more likely they will be to sleep with you. Personally, this would be my choice.
Avoid the question with a funny answer. "Do you love me?" "Of course, I love everyone!" or "Do you have a girlfriend?" "No, I have many girlfriends." The basic idea is to give her the answer she wants, but then immediately qualify it.
Lie. Hey, you won't have any integrity but at least you'll have an orgasm!

2010-06-22T22:16:30+00:00

Answer with a question: "Do you have a girlfriend?" "Why? You want an application?"

"What kind of girls do you like?" "What kind of girls are here?"

"Do you love me?" "If I say yes, do your clothes come off?"

Never EVER lie!!! A true PUA doesn't have to lie or trick a woman into bed. Once you lie, you cross the line from PUA into douchbag. Be honest and be yourself, if you feel cornered or trapped in a convo thats going someplace you dont want to go, try changing the subject. You can also try to answer with things that point back to her:

"Do you have a girlfriend?" "Well, this hot chick is talking to me and she looks like a promising candidate..."

"What kind of girls do you like?" "The kind that ask me questions about the types of girls I like... "

"Do you love me?" "I could answer with empty, hollow words... or I could show you with action. Which would you prefer?" Kiss her before she responds...

Best of luck tomm night!

2010-06-22T12:57:48+00:00

So should I just lie if necessary?

Sure. If you want to be a total douchebag.

Blatantly lying about your intentions to deceive girls for sex aside....

For most of these questions, you should give indirect answers if you don't want to answer them. It's usually good to end with a question to keep them from just asking it again. The idea isn't to lie -- it's to hint you find the question invalid (without having to answer it, of course.... they are somewhat loaded questions).

If it were me, I'd reply with something like:

"Do you have a girlfriend?"

(Jokingly) I have lots of girlfriends. Do you want to be one too?

"What kinds of girls do you like?" Are you worried I don't like my present company?

"Do you love me?" (Red flag, try to end the date) No.... I've only known you for _____ hours/days/weeks.

"Do you want to be my boyfriend." (Yellow flag, try to end the date) No.... I've only known you for _____ hours/days/weeks.

pooflinga · 2010-06-22T14:56:24+00:00

If you havnt known her long, then I usually respond with something like "Woah girl, slow down. I barely even know you/dont even know your name!"

On the other hand if its after a few dates then your best off answering truthfully.

impotent_rage · 2010-06-23T04:15:35+00:00

but if I say that I don't want a long-term relationship, it seems like a lot of the time I'll get rejected for sex at the last moment.

So should I just lie if necessary?

Please, please, please...and I'm sort of begging you here...please don't. Because it really, really, really hurts the girl when you do. Like deeply. Like in the soul killing kind of way that you just don't get over. And that sounds cliche and stupid but this is something which a guy will never be able to relate to because guys are just not wired the same as women. A guy will never feel terrible in retrospect that he had sex with a girl, only to find out that the girl just wanted to hook up. A guy's perspective will be "hmm that sucks because I liked her" but he's not going to wish he had passed on good sex.

I'm a woman, and I'm trying to explain a feeling which you, as a man, will never experience - just how devastating it is to offer sex as a good-faith gesture towards the relationship you hope to be establishing together, only to discover that you were tricked into giving it up, and he had no real interest in you. It is devastating in a soul crushing, self esteem obliterating sort of way. It makes you hate yourself and cry for weeks. As a woman.

And if you think about it, this makes sense. Historically, women had to be good at distinguishing between guys who were likely to stick around and raise the kid once he impregnated her. When a woman pre-historically allowed a guy to impregnate her, only for him to run away and abandon her vulnerable and pregnant - the result was usually that she died, left to the wolves. So women have a whole lot of psychological wiring built in that punishes them severely if they misjudge a man's character and trust a man to stay when he's actually going to abandon her. The reason why is because historically, their life depended on getting it right. But the psychic pain of misjudgement remains.

My point is, if a woman doesn't want to have sex unless it is a part of working towards a long term relationship, then that is her right, and please respect it. Tricking a woman into sex under false pretenses, is theft, and it is wrong. I am very enthusiastic about pickup and seduction, I help my pickup artist friends all the time as a wing or pivot, and I'm very practical and very all-about-what-works. But this is my one soapbox, this is the one area where I moralize, and this is the one thing I won't back down on, because it's just so horribly painful to experience, and if you are a good person you just won't do it to anyone, let alone someone who is so kind as to consider having sex with you.

If being honest costs you one sexual encounter, that's an acceptible price to pay. The beauty of pickup and seduction is that it gives you the tools necessary to get what you want without lying about it. If you want one night hookups without commitment, and you master this material, then you can have those hookups without misleading anyone. There's no excuse for lying or tricking your way into a girl's pants.

ferveo · 2010-06-22T16:29:32+00:00

When I was younger, say teens/20's, and was asked "Do you love me?" I would say "We have to make love for there to be some between us.." This worked for younger more emotional type girls. As an older guy now, I live in the moment and loved many women, even if just for a week. So I answer quite honestly "yes".... But "love" is a fickle, fleeting thing and quite often goes away as quickly as it comes. The more dangerous question is when they ask "Do you STILL love me?", to which I usually say "yes, but in a different way than you". After which the relationship usually goes cold and I move on to the next woman.

2010-06-22T16:38:01+00:00

Here's what my ex did: She smiled and pulled me close for a big hug, and didn't say anything. Simple, effective, I got the message.

monolithdigital · 2010-06-22T18:02:45+00:00

Say what you want, or what you mean. You are studied in PUA, but still don't want to say what you mean, and mean what you say?

2010-06-22T20:52:19+00:00

Just be honest. Don't worry about trying to be smooth. She wouldn't be asking these questions if she didn't already like you. Lying about this will give you a bad rep and get your face on thedirty.com. LOL. Anyways, if she asks you if you love her and you haven't been exclusive for at least two months run fast.

westsan · 2010-06-23T02:48:51+00:00

Babe, just go make me a sandwich please.

westsan · 2010-06-23T02:49:20+00:00

I'm trying to. Just quit bugging me.

whatsupmydamies · 2010-06-25T15:19:50+00:00

If she doesn't want to have sex with somebody who isn't interested in something more, DON'T TRY TO TRICK HER INTO HAVING SEX WITH YOU. She is a person, treat her like one you scumbag. These are legitimate questions that will help her decide whether to fuck you. She is not obligated to fuck you just because you want to get laid.

offshore_coppertop · 2010-06-23T01:47:31+00:00

Above all else, if you act like you want/need to get her in bed the first time you meet her, you are very likely to fail.

Act like you've got women lining up at your door and they will. Patience, grasshopper, patience.

To answer your question, I always go with the truth and generally give it a good edge -- lies erode your self-confidence, and avoidance is sleazy (like politicians). Chicks are expecting the obvious answer and if you don't give it to them, it means you have balls, unlike all the other douchebag greased-up fucks that have hit on them that night. Women are attracted to men with guts/balls. Besides, if the chick can't handle the truth, chances are you're not going to bag it anyway.

For the record, questions like "do you want to be my boyfriend" come from women who lack experience and self-confidence -- i.e. young -- the relationship should define the label, not the other way around. If she's asking you to be her "boyfriend" before she has sex with you, it's very likely that she wants to bang, but feels some social anxiety about banging someone who's not her "boyfriend." Personally, I like to turn the tables on them and give them the same canned response that they give us when we want to bang with NSA (no strings attached) -- they say things like "when the time is right," or "I don't know you well enough," or "let's not rush anything," or "it should be special." It's sorta fun to watch, because they want the sex but can't admit it. They hear your response, but know it's bullshit because it's what they say when you want sex before you're "her boyfriend." It causes a little short circuit, and if you capitalize on that split-second pause, you're golden. Spring an unexpected response and then a venue change -- remember that you're always trying to maximize your leverage and control. If she says "let's sit," you say "at the bar." If she says, "I like this place," you need to have a better place to go.

The question "what kinds of girls do you like?" is a tasty little morsel. My mouth is watering for the opportunity to answer it. This is an open door -- an open GARAGE DOOR -- for all sorts of leverage. I would go with an answer that consisted of a truth (a drop), a neg, and a rescue. Something like, "I generally find self-confidence the most attractive part of a woman, but the last woman I dated had an incredible smile."

The truth is the self-confidence thing -- any time you mention self-confidence to women, they will posture, immediately assuming that they don't have enough. It throws them off. The neg is the smile -- she'll be thinking that she doesn't have a nice smile, because you're not trying to be her boyfriend.

She'll almost certainly ask what you find most attractive about her, and I recommend you go with something you haven't mentioned, and is not what she's expecting -- if you're with a smokin' hot blonde in great shape, tell her it's her smarts or the way she treats others -- everyone else will have said it's her body. She doesn't want to hear that again. If you're with the mousy geek, don't tell her she looks cute in her glasses -- tell her it's the way her hair falls around her face, or compliment her choice of jewelry -- especially if it's some eclectic piece that has a good story behind it.

Key to life: keep 'em guessing. Always go with the truth, but turn the tables at every opportunity. Good luck!

winsmith · 2010-06-22T16:36:16+00:00

"It's complicated"

It solves everything. Many many thanks to the one who posted this on the first place, unfortunately I can't find the link right now...

roseybell · 2010-06-22T22:08:44+00:00

Why not be honest? If you have a girlfriend, but you want to fuck some other girl who is coming on to you, and wants to know if you have a girlfriend just say "yes". Trust me, most girls don't give a shit if you have a girlfriend or not if they are interested in you. If some girl you just met or haven't been dating very long asks if you love them, then you probably want to just get away from that one. Having sex with that girl or continuing to have sex with her will make the situation worse and stalking may ensue. Good luck on your date :)

hotsexgary · 2010-06-23T00:11:10+00:00

She knows she's shit testing you, so don't take her seriously

"Do you have a girlfriend?" - I tried it once, wasn't really my thing

"What kinds of girls do you like?" - Ones who don't ask too many questions

"Do you love me?" - I love your ass/tits/hairdo, does that count?

Just brush off stuff like this, it's not important. Actions and intentions are what really count.

m4gnificent_b4st4rd · 2010-06-29T19:06:52+00:00

So should I just lie if necessary?

It might be hard for you to grasp why this is so hurtful to a woman, I'll try and demonstrate this by showing you another scenario.

A girl is in her pitch black bedroom and her boyfriend enters. He makes sexual advances, she gives her consent and they make love. Then she turns on the light and to her horror finds out that it isn't her boyfriend, it's actually another man who sounds like her boyfriend. Now the man could try and defend himself by pointing out that she gave her consent, but the truth of the matter is that she gave her consent based on the assumption that he was her boyfriend.

Can you see any similarities here?

Horatio__Caine · 2010-06-23T03:53:29+00:00

Be honest.

"Do you love me"

DO NOT say you a love a girl if you do not. That kind of shit is weak and pathetic.

"Do you love me" is a shit test. Do not lie and say yes - if you haven't had any kind of physical relationship, she does not expect you to say that you love her. Say, instead, that you don't know her well enough to know whether or not you love her, but that you think she's a really cool girl who you enjoy spending time with.

And then get down to business.

"Do you have a girlfriend"

I don't endorse cheating. Cheating is for guys who can't find a woman they're satisfied with. Cheating is for guys who are afraid to leave a girl because they don't want to end up alone. Cheating is for guys who crave the power they lack in their relationships.

"What kinds of girls do you like?"

This is an obvious shit test and not even in the same category as the other two. Tailor your answers. If she considers herself smart and witty, say you like hot girls who can make you turn your head on the street. If she considers herself a hot piece of ass, say you like a girl who can handle the back-and-forth of a deep relationship. It's all an oblique compliment to her (after all, you are interested), but it will make her more eager to prove that she is those things.

Title	How to deal with questions like "Do you love me?"
Author	forotrance
Upvotes	4
Comments	30
Date	June 22, 2010 10:54 AM UTC (16 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/chon3/how_to_deal_with_questions_like_do_you_love_me/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-to-deal-with-questions-like-do-you-love-me.1310693 https://theredarchive.com/post/1310693

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