Girl's game?

darkenergizerbunny · 2011-09-05T20:51:24+00:00

Funny, passionate, intelligent, and articulate go a long way. If a girl enjoys the act of intellectual debate for the sake of mutual understanding, and not for some egotistical need to prove that they are right, then she is definitely someone I'll keep around. If she can actually teach me something and make me laugh, then I'm smitten.

That being said, there is a base level of physical attraction I need before I want to sleep with a girl, and any girl below that falls into the friend zone (basic biology). Guys have different enough tastes that most girls fall above the threshold for some subset of the population.

I think guys all have different values they look for in an LTR girl, though. You can't go wrong by being interested in the things that he's interested in (see: gamer girls).

TLDR: Blowing me and my mind is a one way ticket to my heart.

you_require_moar · 2011-09-05T21:01:16+00:00

As promised!

Lots of ground to cover here, we can break it down into attracting and bonding.

Attraction:

Smoking hot will get you lots of attention, obviously, but lets not forget the power of presentation. The girl getting the most attention in the club may, or may not, be the hottest one there, but I can guarantee you she has the hottest outfit on (or lack thereof). TL;DR skank it up. If you happen to be chubby (like actually chubby, not "I'm so fat :("), this may not be the best strat, your best strat if that's the case is to go for chubbier dudes. Science backs this up.

For most guys if a girl comes up and says "Hi" to them, they translate that into "she totally wants to bang me". Milk this for all it's worth and fuck with them. Go say hi to a bunch of guys and eject after thirty seconds, they will chase you around all night.

Remember that no matter where you are, if you go and approach a guy for no particular reason and just say "Hi", he will translate this into "she wants my dick". Again, use this to your advantage.

Sexy is different than hot. God, I know some girls that are smoking hot but have the sex appeal of a starfish. Know how to work dem hips, be coy, wink, get a dirty look in your eye, play, touch and run away, make it a game.

Girls have nothing, nothing, nothing, to fear in going up to a guy and saying "Hi". They will do all the work from there on after that.

If you really want to get approached (and what woman doesn't), make it easy for them. Remember (most - more than 9/10) guys are terrified of approaching, so make yourself available. The easiest way of doing this is to be alone. I will hit on every girl who is alone simply because it's too easy. A girl with a pack of friends is intimidating. Stand around by yourself for a bit (if you smoke, excellent, go outside for a smoke by yourself, someone will chat you up - I'll put money on it), and don't just stare at your phone or scowl with your arms crossed. Present yourself as available and someone will come talk to you.

OKAY - part two - keeping them around:

This is much more difficult.

Find out where he's at. When was his last girlfriend? If it's been years, no matter what else he says, he's probably more inclined to the idea of getting regular sex. If he starts talking about how he "just broke up with someone and is still raw" or how his "last girlfriend was crazy and is a little scared of relationships", these are all subtle or not-so-subtle ways of saying "I'll hit it, but don't expect me to invest in a relationship".

Make it clear that you're a sexual being and like sex, but don't give it up too quickly. Be fun, sit on his lap and move back and forth, (DEM HIPS ITS ALL IN DEM HIPS), tease, tease, tease. Sexting is good. Be sexual without giving into sex right away.

Be clear about what you want. Everything I say about nice guys being liars applies to girls too. So many girls are coy about 'not wanting a relationship' because they don't want to seem desperate. Good motive, but poor execution. Don't be desperate, but make it clear that you're open to a relationship if you really hit it off with someone.

Let them make all the moves. If he's into you, he'll call and set up the dates. The absolute hardest thing to do for a girl is to keep doing this after you've had sex. No matter how strong the temptation, do not initiate contact until a formal relationship has been established.

Keep them guessing. Don't lay down all your cards, but drop hints.

Figure out how experienced the guy your dealing with is. Is he an AFC? He might be totally clueless about what to do. Has he done this before? Girls are much better at discerning this than guys are in my experience. If he's a newb, give him a little more, make it easy, if he's got experience, play super-duper-hard-to-get. Guys and girls both like a challenge.

The ultimate thing is to keep being a challenge even after you've had sex. I find this is the most difficult thing for girls to do, and it makes perfect sense biologically, but fight those urges.

I hope some of this is helpful. If I can expand anywhere, let me know!

2011-09-05T22:23:10+00:00

Not every guy is going to be interested in a LTR. If the guy you're interested in does well with women and has been in a relationship before, he knows the pros and cons of being single vs being in a relationship. If he's young and not looking to settle down, this may mean that you can be absolute fantastic, and still not anything more than an occasional lay. The important thing to remember is that this isn't your fault and there's nothing you can do about it. Despite what a lot of women seem to think (not saying this about you), being single can and often times is better than being in a relationship, especially if you're outgoing, often "get the girl" and have more than one girl you can call if you want to do something on a Saturday night.

That said, what I'm looking for in a girlfriend is, and I hate to say it, someone I can parade around. There are plenty of girls that I like and that I can spend time with, but the ones who are girlfriend-material are the charming, outgoing, charismatic and self-confident girls who can be introduced to a group of friends/collegues/family and immediately impress them. I enjoy being liked, and that extends to the girl I'm with as well. These are the girls who keep me on my toes, the ones who I make sure I'm always keeping happy because I know that they have a line of guys waiting if I don't treat her the way she deserves.

peak10_account · 2011-09-05T22:56:35+00:00

you wrote steak instead of stake. you are a keeper

throwawaysed1 · 2011-09-06T01:45:37+00:00

IMO

Being smoking hot will give some/most guys the idea that you are a bitch/unapproachable. You will get mostly the jerks. Be approachable by being a little bit vulnerable and by smiling with good eye contact. Saying "hi" covers about 99% of this. (edit: nowadays, after dealing with all the AA, an unknown pretty girl saying hi to me out of the blue is enough to turn me on quite powerfully and put me in "state", true story)
Carry the conversational load. If you are giving one-word answers to a guy you are interested in, something's wrong.
Some girlish behaviours might be cute for some but are a turn-off for me. This includes manipulativeness, weird shit tests, being undecided about sex until the guy has amped up your buying temperature etc. Turn-on's are courage, honesty, optimism, horniness (yeah, really), openness to sexuality and experimentation and new ideas in general. i.e a girl who doesn't need to be gamed.
LTR's are more about lifestyle/life-situations matching somehow. Kind of a crap-shoot. So you should be aiming only for STR's. If they work out longer, that's good, if not, move on. Aiming for an LTR right off the bat is pointless and will lead to less sex/satisfaction.

I'm seeing other commenters give you advice similar to what's in "the rules". This is basically just "the game" for women and is kind of what you were railing against in the other thread. Unless you are very high value, following this will get you only guys who have no other options for sex.

A girl who uses "the rules" (like stringing me for sex as suggested here) consciously to hook me would seriously piss me off. I'd fuck her once and then not call. Even an STR would not be in the picture here.

Makes me psychically ill. Why would anyone want a LTR with a girl who is that easily manipulated? Why would you not want a girl you can have a conversation with who has opinions of her own?

We wouldn't have to manipulate if getting women to be sexual was as straightforward as stating interest and getting a decent rate of positive responses. Women are the gatekeepers for sex and have weird rules for whom they sleep with, when and how often. Men do not.

TLDR: If you like a person, get fucking already. This is completely in your power.

Edit/TLDR2: Fuckable: any girl with decent looks, Keeper: a decent looking girl who does not need to be gamed.

jackele · 2011-09-06T00:00:33+00:00

I'm a complete rookie on seduction, so i don't really know if I'm right in thinking the following...

What can one do to be that girl you want to stick with for more than a bit?

Neil Strauss (Style) did an interview with the women on 'The View'. You can kinda imagine how the interview went, the ladies were outraged about the seduction community and it was up to Strauss to win them around. The point he made that really won them over was that seduction is based on men providing a challenge for women, who feel they need to prove themselves worthy of that challenge and as a result their potential partner.

One thing that he said struck me, which was "we all want to be challenged". He explained that basic seduction fundamentals are relatable no matter which sex you're trying to seduce.

So bringing this back to you, you want to know how to keep a man around for a LTR. This means you've already built attraction and possibly fooled around a couple times but want to make sure the guy doesn't leave after this point.

I think a key part of seduction works by challenging the person being seduced, in a way that doesn't touch on their insecurities. That's perhaps vague, but it's not advice that I can staple to one example - challenging people can be done differently every time, depending on the person you're seducing.

Ultimately, if someone hasn't stayed around, they feel they have had all there is worth having out of you. The challenge is to show that person that you're worth more than they think they are and that you're worth a frankly massive investment (aka a LTR) by them.

How can I get you guys to come over and talk to me?

In short, I don't think there's a guaranteed way of making this happen without interacting with the guy in some way first. Even if you walk past him on your way back from the bar, take something of his, like a hat, or a drink, or something trivial and take it over to your own table. Couple that with eye contact and a smile once you are where you want him to walk to and he'll come after whatever you took and will inevitably talk to you. This is a good example of presenting a challenge to the seduced.

How can I suss out if a guy just wants to get his rocks off or is seeking a full time girl?

The shallow answer is that alpha males think they are looking to sleep around, betas think they are looking for relationships. That is very often a fair way to judge this. Another, probably better answer is that everyone is looking for the right relationship. You look at Mystery or Style, they didn't abuse their talent for long, they ended up in relationships. If you impress the playerest player enough, you'll get him into a LTR.

Is there any kind of thing I can do out in the world to just start conversations without seeming nuts?

The chances are you only look nuts to yourself. Most guys love to be approached. The only clear rule I can think of regarding this, if you go up to a guy in front of his friends, the whole thing may fail because he'll be more distracted by how much his male friends will rib him for the unusual situation of a girl coming to chat him up than distracted by you.

alexryane2 · 2011-09-06T10:00:05+00:00

Pretty much the same things that make a guy a keeper:

Being fun and charismatic with a hint of teasing and affection at the right time. (Btw I'm not supposed to say this but if you throw your arms around our neck and act completely adorable we will forgive you for being late, dragging us shopping etc.)
Confidence! confidence to have sex with the lights on, confidence to be your own person and to not constantly call yourself fat or ugly or whatever else women love to say to fish for compliments.
A great sounding voice. I know one girl who's voice is so sexy I will be happy to listen to her say anything even if it's bitching at me.

- Not doing things that kill our respect for you. Things like making sex into a big deal and "waiting" for the right time, it's stupid.

Rlight · 2011-09-06T02:53:07+00:00

Need to get NycProwl in here

2011-09-06T03:04:53+00:00

Inner game is just as applicable to women as it is to men. Taking a bit of a shot in the dark, but I wouldn't be surprised if you are driving men away because you may come on a little strong/needy. Read Dr. David Burns's books Feeling Good, and Intimate Connections. Dense material, but incredibly eye-opening and helpful when it comes to self-esteem, controlling your emotional state, and dictating the terms of your reality.

and69 · 2011-09-06T15:45:03+00:00

I think most guys would not reject a relationship with a girl they like. So, I think that in order to make the guy to stick around a bit, the first thing is to not make him run away. This means that you should never bitch about him or his friends, or insist that he will spend too much time with you. You must offer him a sense of freedom, that he can do what can do while he is single, and extra, he can do a lot of nice things with you. But it has to go slowly in the beginning, without pressure, it must seem like it's happening naturally. Also, be friendly, listen to him, make him feel ... well ... liked. Almost every guy has some issues with himself, physical or emotional ... make him understand that you like him just the way he is.

This post is most about keeping the guy part, not picking him up. There are some excellent advice here for this.

HaMMeReD · 2011-09-05T23:17:31+00:00

When you see a guy you like, just proximity him for a little bit and make yourself in a available position.

Eye contact, smile, touch them, arms/etc. Make your intentions clear, most guys have no clue. If it becomes they can handle their women you can up your game then.

Throw IOI's, which are indicators of interest, so do the following things.

Prolonged Handshake
Eye Contact
Touch flirtingly
ASK THEIR NAME
ASK WHAT THEY DO (but don't talk money or you look like a cunt)
Be playful
Preening (clean up hair, straighten jacket, just look good for the person)

Just generally show interest in them and who they are.

As for my girlfriend and why I keep her around

Not bossy
Independent
Honest (even with the things I dont always want to hear)
Responsible
Happy to help with all household chores

Anyways, a fuck and a girlfriend are two different things, but if there is a guy you like go out and fuck him by hour 10 or stop wasting his time.

2011-09-05T23:19:30+00:00

Laugh at our jokes. Avoid being be self focused and don't put yourself down. Touch us, help initiate escalation then tease a little but not to much.

coexis · 2011-09-06T00:11:40+00:00

If I catch your eyes smiling and you don't look away, that's a huge invite for me to come talk to you.

I think what separates the keepers is the ability to talk meaningfully about something other than yourself.

WolfInTheField · 2011-09-06T02:09:37+00:00

I understand that you are worried that there's more to this. But honestly? Unless you want to do some very blatantly manipulative shit, you need fairly little other than the above described qualities. Trusting in said qualities and being open to really investing in another person may help. Also communicating openly. Other than that? There's only so much control one can have over these things. Don't be needy, that's a huge turnoff. Accept it as it comes, and you'll be rewarded. That's really all there is, I think.

2011-09-06T07:05:06+00:00

From experience, what I think I want usually never turns out to be what I actually want, so take all the advice here with a grain with salt. It's the exact same reason why guys shouldn't be taking advice from girls about what they want. For all the guys that answering this thread, you should ask them if they have someone as a LTR -- note how none of these posts talk about why they are with their current girlfriends, which might be important when you're considering the advice.

I won't bullshit you theorycraft about what I think I may want. I'm with the girl I'm with because I enjoy her company and she's able to make me laugh and smile. I'm able to be open with her and she respect my fears and insecurities, and in return I trust her completely. We know each other's expectations, but that's the result of various conversations. But I'm a unique fucked up person so I don't know if any of that will help you with the guys you want. Good luck out there.

PetiePal · 2011-09-06T20:15:48+00:00

Mindsets at "steak?" Well if she makes me steak she could be a keeper ;P Long response incoming bc I just had a chat with a friend of mine when she asked me what I was looking for.

My list has evolved over the years, with each breakup too as it should. I would say:

-Honest, caring, compassionate, good with children, has a solid family-life and upbringing (I prefer women from families with married still loving parents) -Someone who preferably is Catholic or Christian gels well with be morally usually -Conflict-Resolver, someone who knows how to agree to disagree but at the same time won't go to bed angry -Loyal women, who would never even THINK to cheat even out of spite etc -Giving and affectionate. Frigid women are not a turn on. If you're playful, even nudge nudge tickle tickle etc that's a BIG turn on for me. -PATIENT person, not someone who loses their temper multiple times a week. -Positive and optimistic. This is mandatory, no ifs ands or buts. If you have each other and you can make the best of it with just that, you're a keeper. It's not a woman or man's job to bring their partner out of the dumps all the time, you should both be in it together as a team. When I truly feel like we're in it together and that it's TEAM AWESOME moving towards goals it fosters the keeper in me. -Mentally healthy. I've dated women with depressed, OCD, bi-polar. I just can't. Be normal please. -Has to want kids and a family one day. That's a life goal for me, she should share it. -Confident. I'm not saying be a man or anything but don't be so insecure or self-conscious you "have to have the light off" or can't be naked in front of your partner etc. If you can't be yourself and secure with them, how can you face the world? -Make an effort with my family. I'm Italian, my immediate family isn't HUGE but we are tight. My parents are awesome, my siblings are great and so are my nieces and nephews. If you don't come to at least a FEW holidays they will be insulted lol. We "love" you by family-time and food it's how it is. My ex didn't spend one Christmas with my family, or Thanksgiving etc. My siblings met her like 3x. The way to my heart is to become PART of my family, especially if you want to BE a family one day.

I mean really when it comes down to it for me you can be smoking hot but a HB9/10 is worth a glance at this stage of my life (at age 29). I want to know there's more substance to you. You should have a good head on your shoulders, be financially independent, doing well in your career and be AMBITIOUS. Women who are JUST looking to be married and a housewife etc I lose all interest. Raising children is a wonderful thing but you should have a life before I meet you etc.

As for how to get guys to come talk to you? Well some will take the bait and others will uh just be beta bait lol. Look friendly, open etc. Don't look cold or frigid or nervous. If we play the glancing game with you flash us a coy smile. If you want to know what a guy is looking for, ask. Most men are pretty open, sometimes more open than we should be in those conversations. You don't have to flat out say ARE YOU LOOKING FOR A RELATIONSHIP? While most men would rarely turn down such an offer LOL, women run for the hills if a man says that!

It's about spending time with someone who you have mutual interest and attraction with. If the chemistry is great you're both OPEN to the idea of pursuing more, but you don't have to pre-decide it initially. You can't force something that's not there or "make" a guy want to be in it for an LTR. Some of us are some of us aren't.

As for ME...I've never been the pickup guy. I'm not dating right now to get laid as much as I can or "get" anything from women. It's just not who I am and I don't enjoy that. I'd rather be in a monogamous relationship with someone I'm retarded for. For me it's about finding a woman who really is looking for a lot of the same qualities that I am. She doesn't have to "be me" or love everything I do, but the gist of who you are should align.

Hope that helped at least from my perspective. :)

JETEXAS · 2011-09-09T15:59:06+00:00

Interesting hobbies and some sort of set goals in life are probably the two biggest factors that attract me to women past looks. Once you're found interesting, then I start gauging whether you're a responsible, productive member of society or if your living off your relatives, have a drug problem, rape beagles, etc. If you come up clean, then I look for a constant desire to learn and grow.

mdoddr · 2011-09-06T04:45:32+00:00

Don't sleep with him too early. A guy will have more time to get to know you and see you as a person this way. Rather then pursuing you more beyond sex and being forced to ask himself if he wants a relationship or not he will simply be pursuing you.

A lot of simple stuff that flies around here can be used to build attraction. Look like you have things to do also. Don't be the girl that is just waiting around to see if he wants to be with you. Keep the pursuit going. But PUA stuff can only get you so far you're looking to form a real bond with someone.

When you show him who you are be honest. Guys are just as smart as girls. They'll sense if you are just trying to please them.

Be yourself. In the end it will never last, nor would you want it to, with someone who doesn't appreciate you (sounds cliche I know). Same for them. Don't try and force a relationship on someone because you're in love with that idea. There needs to be resonance.

You need to provide that person with a counterbalance naturally while still relating to them fundamentally.

If you're asking what you can do to maintain it long enough that if their is a chance there will be enough time to find out then...

The best advice I can give is to be really chill, fun, and understanding. Smile. Don't mope or guilt or scream. No drama. If there is drama from an external source just be aloof. If your friends are being bitches just shrug it off like it's a non issue. The last thing you want him to see during the first couple weeks is a bunch of crying and storming around. If he has to go somewhere and leave the party for god's sake don't act all pouty and guilt him. Just smile and say something nice.

The message you're sending is: "I make good feelings happen" not: "I make the bad feelings happen"

Don't talk about the future at all. Just don't bring it up. Don't make him think about that, with you there, and then wonder if you would be there. Because then he's going to ask himself if he could spend the rest of his life with you. And unless you have made a stellar impression on him he will probably answer no.

Then he's got that a solidified concept in his brain.

Most of all just make the damn move. Whatever it is. Call him. Walk up and talk to him. Don't wait for him to do shit all the time. Guys can be shy. If he really does like you he may be even more shy. Even if he doesn't seem shy at all.

Title	Girl's game?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	37
Comments	67
Date	September 5, 2011 8:33 PM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/k5o4y/girls_game/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/girls-game.1322102 https://theredarchive.com/post/1322102

Comments

- Not doing things that kill our respect for you. Things like making sex into a big deal and "waiting" for the right time, it's stupid.