When you are seducing a woman what gets better results: Do you try to make her feel better about herself or do you try and play on her insecurities a little?

AloofTortoise · 2012-10-09T19:47:36+00:00

I think it isn't really the teasing that has to do with it but rather it shows that you`re a confident and playful man that will call the girl out on her shit.

Positive, friendly, upbeat attitude is good but if it`s unconditional it can be seem as supplicating:prime beta behaviour.

I think it is a good technique for gaining initial attraction for the reason I mentioned above. It shows confidence and playfulness as well.

EricDisco · 2012-10-09T20:26:34+00:00

Girls are themselves their own harshest critics, particularly very attractive women. If you are constantly buttering them up, not only do they stop believing you, but they lose attraction for you. They don't feel like you're a challenge and they lose respect for you.

When I'm with a girl, if she says something negative about herself, I don't disagree with her. If she says, "I feel fat," I don't say, "You're not fat." If she's looking for a response from me, I'll throw a question her way. "Why would you say that?"

You disagreeing with her is like putting a band-aid on gaping wound. It's a lie. She feels bad about herself and she's the only one who can make herself feel better about herself.

I rarely compliment the women I'm with. Less so the more attractive they are. The more you compliment her, the sooner the glow wears off. She may feel sexy and confident at first from your compliments, but then after a while, she sees through the bullshit. And that's what it is, bullshit. If she's up on a pedestal, it's bullshit. That makes her more insecure and distrustful of you.

On the contrary, if you never compliment her, after a while, she longs for your validation. She's dying to win you over. She's doing everything she can to get your approval. That's what you want. That's what she wants. That's when she's happiest, focused on me and being led through the relationship.

She doesn't want a cheerleader. She doesn't want a sycophantic parent or a girlfriend that butters her up. She wants a dominant lover who grabs her by the throat makes her say, "I'm your whore," when he makes love to her. Women long for that submission.

welcome2dc · 2012-10-09T21:33:43+00:00

Really? Complimenting girls does not build attraction unless she already likes you, and it especially does not work on American women.

dakru · 2012-10-09T23:54:48+00:00

Here's the thing. Compliments are great. Making other people feel good about themselves is great. You want to improve people's lives.

But you can't just think about what you say. You have to think about who it comes from. If you're that guy who's always posting on the facebook pictures of girls saying "omg I'm so ugly!" with "no no no, you're beautiful!", a compliment from you is not going to mean much. A compliment from that desperate guy is not going to mean much. A compliment from a guy at a bar who's clearly terrified of the girl and is going to quickly switch into buying her drinks doesn't mean much.

A compliment from that hot guy? A compliment from a guy with standards? A compliment coming from a guy who isn't desperately craving her attention? A guy telling his girlfriend (who respects and trusts him) some reasons why he likes her? That's going to mean a lot more, and it is what you should be going for.

TL;DR: There's a big difference between walking up to a girl and saying "hai you're beautiful I'd be honoured to go on a date with you" and a guy, after being on a few dates with a girl or lying in bed after having dated her a bit and saying "you know, you're pretty cool" or something like that.

uberafc · 2012-10-09T20:10:34+00:00

How do you make them feel good about themselves OP? Do you compliment the girls? Any good examples to do it directly/indirectly?

tomsd21 · 2012-10-09T22:20:51+00:00

What about if she just played in a soccer game or something? Could I say good job if she won?

Nabert · 2012-10-10T02:11:07+00:00

I never neg a girl hard on her insecurities. I feel good in the company of girls and friends, and I want them to feel good in my presence too. I'll tease, but make it clear that I'm joking. The only time I'm ever openly negative about something is more about calling women (or anyone for that matter) out on their shit. If they're lying, manipulative or otherwise just being unpleasant, I'll call them out on it.

itsmevichet · 2012-10-10T17:47:42+00:00

I try to have fun. That usually gets the best results.

Sorry if that's an oversimplification. But seriously - just have fun. Teasing can be part of that.

iblowhard · 2012-10-09T23:32:03+00:00

Ref from the Cajun episode, you use negs when you are new to the game, if you have mastered it you don't necessarily need to use negs.

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