I am uncomfortable talking myself up/talking about myself. Bragging?

TAOofSTEVE · 2012-11-30T16:05:32+00:00

Never brag about yourself. You can never tell someone how awesome you are, you have to show them how awesome you are. If you try to build yourself up by bragging about your job/money/possesions, you will come across as a try-hard. But if she discovers these things about you on her own, she'll realize you must be high value because you don't brag about being high value.

READMEdotTXT · 2012-11-30T15:03:55+00:00

[permanently deleted]

READMEdotTXT · 2012-11-30T15:41:13+00:00

don't worry about sounding like a douche. it's not a boast or a brag if it's what you do, especially if your telling someone what you do upon being asked. you having an awesome life is just all it is, and if others get intimidated by that just because you have it better than them, you don't need them in your life, they are just trying to make you feel as shitty as they are

I think most people prefer it when others are humble so that they can feel better about themselves rather than someone says they have it good and they get jealous & bitter if that makes sense

frogma · 2012-11-30T18:26:41+00:00

Google "DHV stories." Basically it's a way to mention your accomplishments without really bragging. For example, instead of saying "I'm a male model," you might say "Something crazy happened at a modeling gig the other day. Blah blah blah." The story focuses on the crazy event, but you still casually let it be known that you're a model. Then if she asks about it, you just casually confirm it like it's an after-thought. Sometimes it can be pretty transparent, but when done right, it won't sound like you're bragging about it.

IMO, it's better to brag a bit than to purposely avoid it altogether. Everyone does it to some degree, often without even noticing. To make it more relevant/natural, tie your story into something she said.

Also IMO, humility is really the defining factor. Be passionate and happy with your job/accomplishments, so long as you're not prideful and gloating about it (which you're already trying to avoid, so I don't think you have much to worry about).

2012-11-30T19:34:26+00:00

There's the problem: you feel like you need to sell yourself to her.

Make her sell herself to you.

entho · 2012-11-30T16:31:14+00:00

The thing is to speak with passion. Sound passionate, ambitious and confident about your life. Women love that!

pickup_sticks · 2012-11-30T20:46:31+00:00

Success, measured financially or otherwise, is a byproduct of action. The action is what's interesting, not the result. In other words, Brad Pitt is not interesting because he's rich. He's interesting because he's played some great roles in great movies.

So, for example, when discussing your work, talk about how much you love it, and especially why: you feel like you're making a difference in the world, or you get to play video games all day, or you have really great co-workers. Doesn't really matter, only that there is positive emotion attached to it.

senator_mendoza · 2012-11-30T18:32:14+00:00

i hate to think i ever "brag", but if the topic of conversation turns to something positive about myself, i always frame it in a way that conveys that i'm appreciative for what i have, and i'll provide a bit of a narrative about having had to work for it. talk about your fears and concerns and hardships (not excessively of course) and how you overcame them. i've found that if you frame it like this people will be happy for you instead of jealous.

dablac · 2012-11-30T18:41:36+00:00

Either stay modest or amplify a bunch and own it while framing it as semi-joke. Just try not to talk about wealth, that's just generally not cool unless it's just a joke and nothing else (not that it's much of a conversation topic anyway).

Modest = no alteration, purely objective and neutral language. Good for presenting yourself as genuine and grounded. Example: "I'm good with computers, I've been using them since I was 3 years old"

Amplify = always semi-serious at most, can be utter bullshit, avoid mixing with small amounts of genuine modesty as it mentally fucks most people (in a bad way). Good for entertaining and giving yourself freedom to turn anything into a joke. Example: I'm like a god with computers, I can practically speak with them as if I were one of their own... peacefully grazing in fields of bits and bytes."

tdltuck · 2012-11-30T21:19:13+00:00

The beautiful thing about the English language is that you can convey any number of emotions or opinions with your words. It doesn't matter what you say. You can say anything you want. Imagine if your situation was reversed. Would you not be out looking for a woman? Maybe, but let's pretend you still have your animalistic drive to find a woman to enhance your life. If you tell her with utter confidence that you're really close to moving back with your parents, she'll probably find it funny. If you tell her that you need to go Dutch for this date, she'll probably respect you for being up-front. In your situation, if you tell her what you have and how you're fortunate in a confident manner, it should come off like it doesn't matter. If these things matter to her, it's up to you to decide whether or not she's a keeper. The point is, it doesn't matter what you say; it's how you say it.

Your eyes say everything. Your words help.

dan_dreamstream · 2012-12-01T04:41:33+00:00

Simple. Don't. Just like in movie script writing, show it don't say it. Show her the awesome life you live and love and let her be a part of it. Bring her along but never brag or 'sell her' on you. She has to want to discover you on her own and become invested in wanting to know more. The less you say the more interested she will tend to be because attraction (as Joshua Pellicar wisely counsels in his awesome book the Toa of Badass) is more about creating curiousity than anything else. Curiosity is attraction so the less you say about yourself the more attractive you seem. Talk about her and direct the conversation so she can talk about herself. That also takes the onus off of you while also showing her that you're interested in her in a way she loves.

only_says_what_a_fag · 2012-12-01T21:59:43+00:00

what a fag

TheSadNick · 2012-11-30T20:55:46+00:00

I find this as a problem for me too. I can easily make a conversation with girls, make them laugh, keep kino going all time but when they compliment me i freeze and don't know what to say.

Examples: I was playing a gig at a local pub when one of the girls i was having a fling with said this; "Man Nick you're amazing! It sounded awesome! It must be incredibly hard to practice guitar and vocals by yourself without teaching and bla.. bla.. bla.."

I have no idea how to respond to this and not trying to sound like a douche. My usual response to any flattering comments from women is just; "Nah it's not that hard"

Any suggestions?

rondeline · 2012-11-30T21:06:49+00:00

Nah. You're fine.

If she asks about your life dude, no need to hide either though. One suggestion is make sure you express what you're passionate about and what motivates you. So if it's the work you do, and she's asking, share what excites you about it. That's not bragging that's being real.

Bragging is championing your accomplishments as if everyone you meet gives a shit. No one cares for unsolicited namedropping, bling flashing kind of nonsense. That's usually interpreted as a sign of immaturity so you're right to be careful. But if she's asking, share. Or tease her some more because she's bugging ya to share.

TheLaw655 · 2012-12-01T00:51:12+00:00

Don't let your ego write checks your character can't cash.

ThirstxCrow · 2012-12-02T19:34:09+00:00

I like to do this, and maybe it will work for you as well...

When somebody asks what i do, and I have an awesome answer (ie engineer, musician, baller, etc), I like to explain what I really like about it. It does 2 things:

Shows the girl how passionate you are about x. I talked to a girl about learning qualitative approaches to math once, and projected that feeling of solving a problem or puzzle during my explanation. Threw in some kino and it was gee gee.

Answers her question and DHV without looking like someone who is bragging. I like to think of it as a situation to personally connect with the girl.

If you are good with analogies, those help too. These are good conversion tips in general, so add kino, blend to desired consistency and serve.

Title	I am uncomfortable talking myself up/talking about myself. Bragging?
Author	READMEdotTXT
Upvotes	75
Comments	34
Date	November 30, 2012 2:30 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/141wb3/i_am_uncomfortable_talking_myself_uptalking_about/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/i-am-uncomfortable-talking-myself-uptalking-about.1343560 https://theredarchive.com/post/1343560

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