when i am not interested in a girl my game is better than when i am interested. how can i make my game better when i really like a girl.

thesupreme333 · 2013-12-04T05:11:42+00:00

Every comment on here makes a good point. My personal advice is along the practice line. If you practice flirting with everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, it will be second nature and you'll treat a lady of interest more like a real person than some goddess on a pedestal. I'm not saying you need to try to seduce everyone, but if you aren't comfortable bantering with that old lady on the bus, the cashier at the store, the girl giving you your coffee, etc, you won't be comfortable flirting with someone of particular interest.

P15Raindrop · 2013-12-04T07:34:44+00:00

Think of it like this. You arrive at a new city and you want to explore. You have a map and places you want to see, but there is a lot going on. You have two options:

Plan a route and visit the spots you feel you would enjoy and don't deviate from your plan.
Wander through the streets and explore places as you come across them.

Option 1 is just like the way you act with girls you are in to. You think too much about what you are doing to the point where it all becomes a bit introverted. You think to yourself "If I say this, in that cute way, she might laugh and like me" just like you might say when you arrive at your tourist spot "I thought I'd like to be at this place and I'm here, so I must be enjoying myself right now."

Option 2 is like how you are with any other girl. You don't really care about what's supposed to happen, just that something fun is going on. You might crack a funny joke or shoot a well timed compliment in the same way that you might walk past a bar in the new city and see that it's banging inside so you wander in.

The central point here is an often used phrase in this subreddit: Outcome Independence.

Now, outcome independence is not a state of mind you should just put yourself in when the time suits you, it should be your permanent state of mind. That can be a hard thing to do when it comes to women, but it is by far the best place to put yourself in. Say you went to NYC and you were desperate to see the Statue of Liberty. So much so that you decline an offer to go with some people to a great spot just around the corner. You go down to the Statin Island ferry to look at the thing but a fog is clouding your view! Bum move right? If only you'd have seized the opportunity at hand you could seen a new spot in NYC you've never even heard of AND seen Lady Liberty when the weather clears up.

The mindset of outcome independence is necessary if you want to capitalise on the opportunities life gives you. Say the hot girl you're in to is right across from you and you are showering her with attention. You can see yourself tripping over your own words and not making progress. Just let it go. Make an excuse and move on. Take a look around and see where the fun is at. If you do this often enough you will see that it isn't so bad when you don't commit to that one girl and life is much less stressful. Lower your standards a little and game on girls you don't like. After a few years of confidently gaming girls into bed you will find that it comes very naturally and when you really do like somebody, you can just go through the motions in the same way that you did with all the not so hotties.

Girls are very jealous and observant creatures. If they see you acting confidently with other girls they will want a piece of the action and then YOU will have the upper hand. And hey, even if that one hot girl isn't that in to you, then so what?! There will always be another woman on the radar. Don't waste you time. Be outcome independent.

rusty84 · 2013-12-04T03:56:25+00:00

That's what I would like to know. Whenever I'm trying to get over oneitis after getting dumped, my game is really tight. I can literally just go up to a girl with a simple 'hi' or ask them for a recommendation (even when i'm just trying to hook up with them, at all), and they become interested in me and ask for my number. I've actually had girls jump on my and just start making out with me. What I do now, before I do approaches, I tell myself that I like another girl (I think of a specific one), and that this approach is just for the learning experience. You can fool your brain into thinking its true, but sometimes your emotions do betray you. :/

2013-12-04T05:11:40+00:00

There was a scene from the movie Office Space where after Peter Gibbons gets that epiphany from the hypnotherapist, he asks out Jennifer Anniston in a way that I apply to my own approach

"I'm going next door to Chachkees (sp?), and you want to have lunch with me that'd be cool, and if you don't that's cool as well"

You have to be ok with getting the girl equally as ok with not getting the girl. You put girls on a pedestal you start censoring yourself, become self-conscious of what your saying, and essentially turn into a nice guy that gets walked over. You have to treat her like a girl who you aren't interested in, embrace the fact that you don't need her to be happy and use that as a reminder to keep calm when you interact

I think this what the phrase "give zero fucks" really means because while it sounds weird, investing yourself into people like that will only hurt your chances

BFG_MP · 2013-12-04T04:02:21+00:00

You gotta take her off that pedastal, stop treating her like a trophy, and just act like you would around the other women. Obviously easier said than done. Going into it you should have a carefree mindset, be yourself and have fun. Pretty generic seeming advice, but i think its solid.

jakethesnake313 · 2013-12-04T07:15:30+00:00

boom

ArtilleryCamel · 2013-12-04T04:46:13+00:00

The idea is to practice your game to the point where it becomes second nature. It's a lot easier to perform under pressure when you don't have to think about what you're doing so much. You'll just have to keep practicing because there's not a magic sentence I can give you to perform the same when the stakes are higher.

O3EAN · 2013-12-04T04:27:09+00:00

The real way is to just put yourself in more situations like that more often, what your basically asking is "how do I become more cool so I act normal around hot girls?", a mindset won't change how you act unless you internalize it through repeated exposure.

skullbeats · 2013-12-04T05:59:44+00:00

Think of it like this:

If you like a girl a lot, you subconsciously get nervous because you want to really impress this girl. Of course you'll over-analyze and worry about what you say.

If you don't, you're not trying to impress her and you just act like you normally are. You have no intentions, you just go with the flow.

InfiniteBlink · 2013-12-04T07:40:40+00:00

[permanently deleted]

pspman354 · 2013-12-04T19:13:44+00:00

this may sound weird, but to help from liking a girl too much and investing in her too much, i would advise going to the strip club by yourself on an afternoon to clear your head.

lycergeum · 2013-12-04T05:10:07+00:00

Treat her like you would any other girl. She will probably like it and you won't feel like you have to be different around her.

itakmaszraka · 2013-12-04T16:37:38+00:00

They say if You're nervous You should imagine people You're talking to naked... wait, that won't work.

2013-12-04T23:50:46+00:00

Look at her, realize that for every hot chick there is some guy who is sick of putting up with her shit. Know that she is insecure and probably has daddy issues. In a couple weeks you will be sick of putting up with her shit. I have yet to meet a chick that doesn't have baggage. Bring her down to earth in your mind. I have know some super hot chicks who were dating total losers because they had no self-esteem.

And the flirting with everyone thing is awesome advice.

wrdp · 2013-12-04T05:41:41+00:00

Consciously make an effort to keep your interest level mellow like it is with the other girls. Less stress, more fun, tighter game.

2013-12-04T12:04:56+00:00

Back in college I met some of the girls I was friends with at a club. They had brought along another girl whom I had admired from afar for a long time. She was so beautiful and I had admired her for so long that I stupidly put her on a pedestal. I assumed she was completely out of my league. I danced throughout the night with all of them, but with her only a couple of times. I didn't really engage her in much conversation for fear of coming across too beta. I'll be damned if she didn't call me a couple of days later and ask me to come over. Unfortunately, she lived about 2 hours away and I had a big test the following morning, so I couldn't go, but that taught me a valuable lesson. Don't ever put someone on a pedestal. Relax and don't try too hard. If it is going to happen it will happen.

kingzombymandias · 2013-12-04T14:04:41+00:00

I have this problem, I also find that if I don't believe I have a shot in hell my game is better as well. I dunno what to do so I just flirt with every chick.

joshsway · 2013-12-04T14:31:31+00:00

Really common problem, you have to game her like you do the non interested girls. It takes practice, there's no real secret in terms of mindset. Just consciously think about what you do with uninterested girls and imitate.

InfiniteBlink · 2013-12-04T16:24:11+00:00

Ye old outcome independence. You dont care about what happens to her so you're natural. Stupid brain when you like girl. I like girl. Let me act like i think she wants me to act or like the suave james bond. Key is you're acting and not being genuine. I do the same shit. I go into a bit of AFC mode, even though i have no problem talking to them, in the back of my mind i'm like 'shes hot shes hot shes hot' and it fucks with me too.

roadywan · 2013-12-04T16:25:28+00:00

Decide to go out just to be out there - pronounced "Have actual fun"

Eventually the switch will flip over permanently and your relaxed demeanor and ingrain itself as static. You'll maintain your frame of mind regardless of the girl in question.

ben0wn4g3 · 2013-12-04T16:53:44+00:00

I have one thing to add. OMG the amount of times you see a gorgeous girl and put them on a pedestal only to talk to them and realise in 30 seconds she's totally not your type.

electron_wrangler · 2013-12-04T19:01:07+00:00

act like youre not interested.

Next!

itsmevichet · 2013-12-04T19:24:11+00:00

how can i make my game better when i really like a girl

When you're less interested, you act a certain way. Continue to act that way when you are interested.

EcstasyMan · 2013-12-04T15:39:25+00:00

Learn to play poker. It helps with the doublethink

thekatzpajamas92 · 2013-12-04T16:17:04+00:00

Do you really want to "game" a girl you genuinely like?

Be real with her. The only way anything good will happen between you and she is if you both genuinely feel the same way about each other. Most of the game preached on this sub is great for quick pickups and flings, but if you want a fulfilling relationship with someone, you cannot, I repeat CANNOT, begin from an insincere or deceiving place.

Title	when i am not interested in a girl my game is better than when i am interested. how can i make my game better when i really like a girl.
Author	arbolesdefantasia
Upvotes	187
Comments	63
Date	December 4, 2013 3:05 AM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1s1qom/when_i_am_not_interested_in_a_girl_my_game_is/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/when-i-am-not-interested-in-a-girl-my-game-is.1362573 https://theredarchive.com/post/1362573

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