"We're not going to have sex tonight" twice in a week from two different girls

recyclablebantha · 2014-11-12T05:45:02+00:00

Story 1: .....so I stand up and take her hand and pull her to the bedroom. "no this is not going to happen" yeah whatever......I tell her I want her, she tells me she wants me, too. Yet we're not having sex. wtf? She's wearing nothing but a string and I'm in my boxers, shes moaning like crazy yet she's so resistant. I slept there and left in the morning.

Dude. A couple of things here:

This was classic anti-slut defense.
And I know it was possibly hot to tell her you want her, but it's actually better not to verbalize at that point. When you start talking, she has to process what you said, which requires her to change tracks from feeling & instinct, to whatever logical side of the brain processes words and speech. And once you activate that part, you risk her thinking and reconsidering what she's doing. This alone, affected the tone in a way that contributed to you being denied.
Also, you didn't need to take her to the bedroom. Doing so also allowed the train to jump the track.
It's unclear from your story, how things stalled out. Did she literally say something or physically block you? And how did you respond?

...."you're dangerous for me" blabla "we're not going to have sex tonight".

This could mean that you came on so strong that you activated the infamous anti-slut defense.

"yeah ok". I ignore it, we continue. She fucking loves it. So I say "do you want me? I want you!" "yes I want you, thats the problem!" I rub her pussy through her pants and after 10 seconds she stops me. So I stop, too. I end up giving her a masssge, she fucking loves it "I always get so horny when I'm getting a massage".

This is unclear. Were you kissing and touching her besides rubbing her? And what happened post-massage?

What do you guys respond when she says "will you be angry if we're not having sex tonight?" girl 2 said that and I just said "nah I'm fine".

First off, I can't recall ever hearing that and sex not happening. Maybe it's a Day 2 or later that same night, but it's usually still happening.

Secondly, you could almost think of this as an "Are you Outcome Independent, obvthrowawayisobv_?" shit test. And getting frustrated is how you fail it. The way I always deal with it is to focus on enjoying the ride. I show my desire but rein it in and make it obvious that I really want her but I'm holding back. Barely. Like start to do something but then check myself, etc. But at the same time, I still tease her and enjoy whatever making out is happening, within the boundaries that have been set. So if she checked me at panties coming off and said, "No sex." Then fine. I continue to tease and kiss in every other way I was doing so before that, and I leave her panties and everything under that alone.

If you build the tension up while showing you have enough restraint to respect her boundaries, she'll often let you in. Sometimes in the same night, if not then certainly soon after.

But it sounds like you were pushing way too hard and still giving off some sign of frustration.

ReverendDexter · 2014-11-12T00:12:15+00:00

"We're not having sex tonight"
"Okay, I don't want to do anything you're not comfortable with. I had fun tonight; I'll text you later." {put clothes back on; exit stage right}

RandomGoodMan · 2014-11-11T23:56:05+00:00

I actually had this happened to me as well. I made out with this girl at a bar and then rejoined my buddies. At the end of the night I went to the girl again. She said we can go at her place but I'm not gonna have sex with you. I just said 'Lets go, I don't expect anything'. LOL, as soon as I stepped inside she started kissing and we had sex. Its just a shitty shit test. Play it cool and don't say anything serious. Its a good sign she is thinking about sex with you. It usually ends up with sex.

ThrowawayPUA · 2014-11-12T03:13:58+00:00

You have learned nothing from our community. You should be telling her "we're not having sex tonight" long before she ever gets a chance to tell you. That way, if you are making out, she is the sexual aggressor, and she knows it.

Learn our methods like the Freeze Out. FrenchMaybe described it downthread. If you are giving a woman sexual stimulation, but she does not want to have sex, you should not continue to stimulate her, or else you're giving her everything she wants and getting nothing you want. Withdraw contact, don't pout or be irritated, just do something else like check your phone for email. Let her re-initiate contact.

blitzik · 2014-11-12T04:33:37+00:00

It's just token resistance.

Keep advancing until she stops you, then back off a little. Re-engage the sexuality and you should get further before she stops you. Rinse repeat. Respect the drawn boundary, and often she'll let you pass it.

This is probably contriversial, but another trick I picked up.. guys always under estimate how much a woman who's horny enough to fuck you loves the feel of your dick. If it's getting super sexual and clothes are coming off, pull your dick out and put her hand on it. Let her play with it for a while while you keep doing your thing, and she should get horny enough to ask you for a condom or otherwise signal that she's ready to go.

Synzael · 2014-11-12T05:21:54+00:00

I never bring up sex at all, and if she does I tell her it's never going to happen with a grin. If she says shit like "what will we do this late at night" I respond " Netflixing and possibly weed. I seriously don't have any ulterior motive." I basically kid that I don't plan on having sex with them then have sex with them. If you assume sex you will never get it, if you assume not sex you will get it every time.

sirtwitchington · 2014-11-12T05:32:29+00:00

Stick with it bro, this is a set up for fwb for sure. They are obviously attracted. So, just be cool. Next time you hang out don't even bring it up. Make them start making the first move. They are obviously comfortable enough with you to have you over late at night. Do NOT get mad, maybe they are testing you out. Also don't take advice from some of these guys saying to just take off, that's not gonna get you laid for sure. Tis the season brother, I'm sure you'll be fine. Don't sweat it too much.

obvthrowawayisobv_ · 2014-11-12T09:36:40+00:00

If she says we arent having sex your reply should always be... "who said we were" ...then battle through with minimum conversation...if she stops halfway you lie there and ignore her until she comes for more...

2014-11-12T20:27:48+00:00

This happens.

From my experience, the key is to not express any disappointment. If she's not down, just pause to show your surprise, then raise your eyebrows and say "ok!" and seamlessly keep doing what you were doing short of initiating sex. The main thing is that she feels in control and likes that you aren't outcome dependent. Two things can result from this:

(1) As she continues to get turned on, you end up having sex that night anyway. (Sorry that wasn't the case for you.)

(2) You don't have sex that night. But! Since you did not act like your night was ruined, she does not see you as a sore blue-balled loser. Then on another evening, text her and say that you enjoyed the previous night (yes, even if you weren't too thrilled) and that if you want to explore each other further, let's meet again. If she's down to hang out again that means she has thought about what you want, has come to terms with it, and feels more ready.

TL;DR: Be a taoist about it.

fortyfourmag · 2014-11-12T00:01:29+00:00

Make it clear what you want. If they say 'no' twice you WALK OUT. Stop cuddling and rewarding these cock teases.

FrenchMaybe · 2014-11-12T00:45:58+00:00

shes moaning like crazy yet she's so resistant. I slept there and left in the morning.

So I stop, too. I end up giving her a masssge,

Dude when a girl gives you shit, STOP all sexual contact until she re-initiates it. If you get this bullshit twice, LEAVE HER PLACE. Don't spend the night, don't give her a massage, the fuck she didn't earn that massage. LEAVE. If sex is your goal and it's frustrating you enough that you have to make a Reddit post then I assure you, start redressing yourself and LEAVE. 9/10 she will text/call you and beg for you to come back. Whether it be the same night or a week later, girls can't fathom why you just turned down sex.. The fucked up thing is these girls want to have sex, they most likely don't want to look too easy or else their ego takes a hit (OMG I'm such a slut!!).

Let's recap: "We're not having sex tonight..." happens for the 2nd time in one night and you've already pushed it with "okay/alright" THEN

"alright, I'll see you later..." BOOM

lofiharvest · 2014-11-12T00:33:11+00:00

I don't know this for certain, but it sounds like you haven't built up enough comfort with the women before jumping into the full on sexual mode. When I encounter the last minute resistance to sex thats usually when I pause, build some comfort, and then start the foreplay process again. Women are like slow cookers, not microwaves. You gotta warm the oven up before you put the meat in ;)

Murder_Ders · 2014-11-12T04:17:16+00:00

If a girl gives me a boner we are fucking. If she resists, I do not allow any boner-making activity to continue and I'm perfectly okay with it. This puts me in the position of power now, and she will want the power back, and want to continue being turned on. Sometimes it takes a minute for the tension to grow again, but it always breaks and they always crumble. ALWAYS.

GABAPYCO Get A Boner And Pull Your Cock Out

She doesn't want the d? Okay. Fine. The d gets put away. She makes it hard again? It comes out again. Win.

Hadephobiac · 2014-11-12T06:41:01+00:00

remember everyone's advice here is given to you under the asumption you really wanna get your dick wet, and it sounds like you really wanna get your dick wet so it's good advice.

human advice however is to just do whatever makes you personally happy. If you aren't having fun, bail. Future expectation in the face of current failure is a crucial ingredient in a creating a gambler's fallacy view of getting laid with a particular girl. "It didnt happen last time so it's got to this time"

in reality your chances of getting laid is the same every time, so yes sticking around maximises your chances but not any more than if you did what you want in your own time and came back to it later, or with a new girl.

Probably better chances with a new girl, given you have 0% success rate thus far with these two ;)

pureboy · 2014-11-12T09:47:45+00:00

Did you notice that you have asked the same thing in both the stories? It turned her off!

"I want you" and "Do you want me?"

Why are you asking her like that? It feels like you want to marry her.

theCHAMPdotcom · 2014-11-12T18:07:52+00:00

I've had this happen...literally she said this and I was completely indifferent...she was already blowing me...then all sudden we are fucking.

2014-11-12T11:59:01+00:00

I had a FWB I've been cutting loose come over and try to pull this shit on me. I got up got dressed made some food and fed the bitch pretending nothing was going on.

15 minutes later she's bent over, my thought was because you have to build more comfort. I KNEW she was craving sex, she drove half hour to see me after hardly talking for a few weeks.

Go do something else, or even make a snack together, and honestly that might build enough comfort with these girls for you to get it in.

It is anti-slut and I've only ran into it once, although she said she was on her period, but wouldn't hang out after.

winning335i · 2014-11-12T00:21:20+00:00

I agree with dREAMmuah, its just a final shit test, I've had a girl say the same thing and I ended up taking her virginity on a one night stand, although its not something I'm sure I should be proud of, but she loved it and I made her beg for my dick. Girls say this more often then not, its way of validating what they're about to do so they don't feel guilty about it later. Be a man and be dominant, but at the same time make sure she is okay with it, but do it indirectly, like ask, "Is this what you want? To be dominated by a real man?" something like that, it'll make them even hornier. Be confident in yourself when you say this though, you could lose them at the smallest hint of fear or indecision. Now if it doesn't work and shes stiff about it, lock her out be like okay no problem and act like you're just gonna sleep or do something else. Then go back at it again, if it still doesn't work either get up and leave, or if you can't go to sleep. Also one more thing you can try is if you're fingering her get her all worked up and then just stop, make her sexually frustrated, and then have her at your mercy. hope this helps ;)

hostergaard · 2014-11-12T09:44:24+00:00

Yeah, they probably wanted sex, but did not want to look like sluts so they put up a last minute resistance like that. Back of a little and tell them we are gonna go as far as she wants.

Then after a little of lighter kissing and whatnot ramp up the kino and push for sex again. Unless they basically says "NO" or "STOP" its just them telling themselves they are not too easy. They are actually telling you what to expect, not that they don't want sex. The fact that she says this means she is already thinking about sex with you.

I made the same mistake with the first girl I took out, respect her limits, but always push for it.

StealYoGirl · 2014-11-12T10:18:32+00:00

I don't know if this is some sort of weird humblebrag or not, but if you are complaining about being told by girls they don't want to have sex with you it's really not such a dire situation, show some self control and stop acting like a desperate loser.

Jaricho · 2014-11-12T11:42:54+00:00

Best reaction on any response so far.

"Ofcorse we're not going to have sex." < That's what I say to those situations, and then it happens anyway.

Edit for clarity

benthinksit · 2014-11-12T08:20:12+00:00

Get over yourself.

gexxx007 · 2014-11-12T03:06:06+00:00

Should have backed off and tried again five minutes later. If she resists again, get the hell out of there and don't respond to her texts until she's begging for your dick.

2014-11-12T04:58:22+00:00

[permanently deleted]

mykonos_rm · 2014-11-12T02:54:03+00:00

Fuck that shit. Give em a hard life lesson and walk out on them. These girls already decided weather or not they'd fuck u. If there's chemistry then they're is no time sink before sex. Unless these girls are too embarrassed to say they're on their period they're playing games.

Title	"We're not going to have sex tonight" twice in a week from two different girls
Author	obvthrowawayisobv_
Upvotes	52
Comments	67
Date	November 11, 2014 11:38 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/2m0nda/were_not_going_to_have_sex_tonight_twice_in_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/were-not-going-to-have-sex-tonight-twice-in-a-week.1379522 https://theredarchive.com/post/1379522

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