...at which point, I proceeded to mercilessly make fun of him. Turned out it wasn't actually his (old roommate left it there), but he'd flipped through and found it 'kind of strange.' Asked me if I'd read it, I confessed that I had. He laughed and called me a bad girl, wooing strange men in bars. Pushed me back onto his bed, grabbed the book, proceeded to spank me a few times on my bare ass with it. Then we fucked twice.

It was probably the strangest prelude to sex I've ever had.

Anyhow - word of advice y'all, if you have the book, please cover it up before your date gets home.... You reaaaally don't want to come off as 'that guy,' even if you are 'that guy.'

And because I don't want this post to just be an "I HAD SEX" post, here's some things that I felt like he did really well on our date:

  1. He talked about me. I know, sounds self-centered. And that's because humans are all self-centered. People especially want to know what you're thinking about them, because knowing gives us a sense of control/safety. And with the power dynamic on a new date, girls can be feeling pretty vulnerable. He explained why he was drawn to me (my political values/intelligence), and then added, "Plus, you're cute. But don't get cocky about that." We had a witty backandforth about that for a bit before moving on to other topics.

  2. He isolated me pretty quickly. I was loosely at this place with a few other friends. He said he wanted to go somewhere more private - a booth - to talk, so I gave my friends the tipoff (they're all very sexually active too and were egging me to go for it), and he took my hand the short distance to the booth. It was crowded, so the handholding didn't come off as cutesy, rather dominant and protective.

  3. He kept saying things like, "Oh, I'd love to hear your opinion about this." Or, "You know, that reminds me of something I read that I totally bet you'd like." Kept tying it back to me. It accomplishes two things: shows me that he has a handle of who I am, and shows a curiosity about me directly. Also, it makes him lead the conversation, too, without relying on a fallback like "What do you like?" Nothing wrong with that question, but if that's your entire repertoire of getting to know someone, you're not actually connecting, just accruing data.

  4. HE SMELLED SO GOOD LIKE DAMN. It's SUCH easy flirtbait, a way for girls to express interest in you. Fuck, y'all, wear some cologne. A spritz on your wrists, and then dabbing that onto your neck is sufficient enough.

  5. Dropped opportunities for us to hang out again during the conversation. It's a way for you to say, "hey you're great and I'd like to see you again" without all the social pressure/intensity of actually saying that phrase. I said I loved museums, he mentioned that there was a new exhibit downtown that he was dying to see, and then said, "Hey, you could just park at my place and we could walk over. Way better than the garages." Slick, man. Also mentioned a spicy food cookoff at one of our favorite restaurants, and kept goading me by saying he didn't think I could handle it, and that I'd have to prove it to him one day.

  6. Was this guy screaming confidence and smoothness and charmingness? Was he some casanova? Actually....no. He was sort of a dork. But he was clearly very comfortable with that identity, didn't seem embarrassed about his dork hobbies (although he didn't dwell too much on them, which is so key), and he spoke very intelligently and had strong opinions about a lot of things. And he was able to riff off me well, which demonstrates confidence in who he is. He was definitely not terribly confident in 'picking me up', so to speak, but a comfort with one's self covers a huge multitude of sins otherwise.

And of course, how he initiated the first kiss: to be clear, physical attraction and otherwise had been well-established at this point. He was laying back on his couch, I was sitting up next to him, and we were chatting about life. He reached for my pendant and said, "That's a pretty necklace." And then he said, "Actually, I can't see it, come a little closer." Already I'm aware where this is going but I let it play out anyway. I get really close to him, and he grins and says, "Oh, I like where this is going." I laugh, smack him on the chest, and we start making out.

All in all, a good night! We're seeing each other again later this week.