I've read all the books, went through this sub for days at a time, tried everything I can think of, but nothing works.

penguin_says_slide · 2015-12-18T19:18:51+00:00

I've tried cold approaches multiple times with pretty much 0 success.

Oh no, you tried a couple of approaches and no one sucked your dick yet?! Motherfucker stop focusing on the results. The desperation will ensure you don't get nothing as a result. Focus on the process and be prepared to go the long haul. How? Well for me I admitted that I sucked balls and on my own nothing was going to happen so I dedicated myself entirely to cold approach for a long ass fucking time. I have wings who've gone out for an entire year and still haven't been laid and that's perfectly okay.

Everything starts off smooth enough, but pretty soon I run out of things to talk about

Again, it's a process. Like a videogame, you finish Level 1 then there's Level 2 and so on. Level 1 is approaching, you did that well done! Level 2 is talking. You're getting stuck on that. Google "how to not run out of things to say(bonus tip : add "rsd" after every search)". Watch all the videos on the topic. Go outside and practice until you've got Level 2 handled. Then you'll come across Level 3. Escalation and Leading. Google "how to escalate and lead (+rsd)", watch all the videos on that, go out and perfect it until you get to the lay.

And stop fucking crying like a bitch. Having an upbeat optimistic attitude is the difference between the top performers and the bitches.

AttractandSeduce · 2015-12-18T21:11:36+00:00

Hey man, thanks for sharing your situation.

I can tell you right now that the first thing I recommend you to do is to to honestly love yourself. Let it sink it for a bit.

Becoming the most attractive version of yourself is a life long JOURNEY. Right now, things may not be working in your favor but almost every dating coach in the world has been in your shoes at some point. They had the approach anxiety and the frustration of not having their dating life the way they wanted it to be.

It looks like your beating yourself too much. This lowers your trust in yourself as well as your self esteem.

I recommend that you accept yourself the way you are right now. Your strengths and weaknesses. Work with yourself and avoid going against yourself.

Your insecurities are only really bad when you try to hide them. When you admit to your insecurities and embrace yourself for it and take small actions towards getting that area of your life handled you become more attractive, you trust yourself more, you give yourself hope (which you should) and your self-esteem goes up.

What I recomend you to do is to take small steps towards handling your approach anxiety. You got to make it a habit to be more social. You will do it with SMALL steps.

Before you do any real approaches, warm yourself up. Say hi to the people you walk by, give them a compliment or make an observation to them.

Join a club or group that does activities that your interested in and make friends with everyone.

Become outcome dependent. Make it your goal to go out and become more social because you want to be more social, you want to have hot female friends as well as hot lovers. Use your current anger to drive you to overcome social obstacles while being your own best friends and not beating yourself way too much.

Shadow180 · 2015-12-18T19:00:41+00:00

I need to see a situation which you had encountered. Can you give me a illustration of what happened to you. How did you start your conversation and how you ended up aborting it.

Seatown93 · 2015-12-18T21:27:45+00:00

Okay, let me try this: What are some 'exercises' I could do to improve my social outlook? Like I said, something that I can follow step by step, IE "Go out and do A. After that, move on to B." So on and so forth.

Tjodleik · 2015-12-19T04:11:14+00:00

"Oh god, what do I say now? She must think I'm weird, abort ABORT." and I pussy out. And I have no idea how to get past that stage of panic.

This and this might help.

The gist of it is to just "go with the flow," so to speak, to experience the emotion while spending the least amount of energy possible to label it as fear.

This is just a wild guess, so correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm thinking you might be focusing on your negative emotions too much, which in turn means you're basically training yourself to panic every time you approach a girl. The thing is, you can't fight this. First of all our minds are rigged so that we have to imagine a thing before we decide if we want to accept or ignore it, so if you're trying to fight the feeling of panic you have to think of it and associate it with a given situation, which in turn means you're just strengthening your training. Second, you're giving your panic the very thing it needs to sustain itself - attention.

Thoughts and emotions are very much like living things when it comes to this, in that they need "food" in the form whatever time and energy you spend on them to survive. If you can experience your emotion without labeling it as "panic" or "fear", and invest as little time and energy as possible in it, it will eventually starve and wither away.

It's a form of meditative technique, which helped me beat severe depression and crippeling social anxiety (I was an unkissed virgin until I was 30, to put it that way), and meditation in general is great for lowering the amount of fear we experience in stressful situations. Check out this little rant by Jeffy on the topic.

Also, may I ask why you assume she must think you're a weirdo without having any way of actually knowing this? We're not mind readers, so you're basically reacting to your own fantasies and bailing out on girls who might actually be interested in you. And have you considered the possibility that you're screwing yourself because your reaction to your own runaway imagination is what makes you come across as creepy and weird?

vardarac · 2015-12-19T06:46:00+00:00

My best, and frankly only successful pickup, was in a time where I was so thoroughly convinced that I was shit and would never succeed on my own merits with women that I did not care what happened to me. I didn't just believe, but actually internalized that I would be trolling a girl by flirting with her. It was bizarro-confidence; if I'm already aware I'm shit, then why should I care what anyone thinks of me?

The confidence was for all the wrong reasons, but the sheer detachment of it nearly charmed her panties off. This all happened before I started reading any of this stuff, so I didn't pull the trigger when the time came because I thought it the nice thing to do, and I lost her - but it definitely opened my eyes to what a different world and mentality the people who succeed at this must have. It's incredible and hard to get to and I want to say totally worth it, but I never quite seem to have gotten back to that state again to say that it is.

BigBobbert · 2015-12-19T08:00:51+00:00

I feel like I'm in the same boat as you. I went to a club tonight approached 20 different women... not a single one of them was interested in me. Not one. I didn't have a single conversation that lasted longer than two minutes. After I introduce myself, they just kind of look at me, introduce herself, then goes back to talking to the girl she came with like I wasn't even there.

And I'm told over and over on this sub, "Women go to bars to meet guys." No they don't. Not in my experience. I'd say less than 5% of the women I've talked to in bars are interested in meeting someone, and that 1/20 that is interested usually takes me by such surprise that I manage to screw it up, because I literally do not recognize the signs that a girl is actually interested in me, on account of it happening so rarely.

wolfpackgalpal · 2015-12-19T09:22:41+00:00

Don't be ashamed of seeing a counselor if you want some advice. Tons of people do. I do. It's far healthier than stomaching it. I agree that the advice of "Be more confident" is useless. It's a topical shrug off when people want to seem dominant but have no solution to your problem.

The best way to work on yourself is to do it with someone else. I think you may be too wrapped up in trying to do what people tell you to do and not doing what you feel is comfortable... or figuring out what you feel is comfortable. What do you like to do that doesn't require anything but yourself (other than masturbation) is one of the hardest questions to answer. Figure that out and simply...well... do that and get good at it. Someone that is meant for you will be doing the same thing and be looking for someone like you.

JowlStash · 2015-12-19T16:29:43+00:00

Like others have said just try starting conversation with random strangers, both men and women. For example I was in the gym one day and a simple comment about by a man about college finals being over soon turned into a conversation about terrorism and politics(Even learned of a new book to read). I know it'll be hard at first, it was for me, but you have to crawl before you can walk.

Title	I've read all the books, went through this sub for days at a time, tried everything I can think of, but nothing works.
Author	Seatown93
Upvotes	12
Comments	42
Date	December 18, 2015 6:54 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/3xdk9f/ive_read_all_the_books_went_through_this_sub_for/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/ive-read-all-the-books-went-through-this-sub-for.1399351 https://theredarchive.com/post/1399351

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