What should I do when a girl flakes on me

Woujo · 2017-03-28T15:01:02+00:00

There's different kinds of flaking, and what this girl did was very rude.

From what it sounds like, she's using you as her texting buddy but doesn't want to actually hang out or put any effort in real life.

Unless there is something I don't know here, I would go completely cold on her. Don't say hi to her in class, don't respond to her texts/snapchats, etc... If she says hi to you (which she will after she realizes that you're going distant) be very nice but don't ask her out and make her feel like you're busy and you need to go do other stuff.

Basically, don't schedule anything with her agian unless she does all the initiating. She really disrespected you and she needs to make up for it before you give her a second chance.

t1mman · 2017-03-28T17:19:26+00:00

She stood you up, and then resumes on texting and snapchatting you without any “sorry for the other night”? And you are asking how you should act? Are you a doormat or a man?

sergeant_flem · 2017-03-28T15:27:23+00:00

Don't waste your time with her

Radicalmattitude1 · 2017-03-28T17:48:37+00:00

Holy shit the comments here are an absolute cesspool, it's clear most people here are just the blind leading the blind. The best thing to do: Move on. I'd act like nothing even happened and realize you don't really want a girl that does this type of shit because she will continue to do it to you even if you fuck her/get in relationship and it'll just get worse. I'd in a sense friend zone her and realize that YOU are the prize. If she text you respond a few times and then stop expectantly if shes boring with 3 word responses, if her snaps are boring don't respond to them. Make it seem like you're talking to even more attractive people and only will give her attention if she's worth it, and most importantly DO NOT get salty about it or too distant, it'll seem like you're weak enough for her to make you change you're emotional state. You wouldn't be bent out of shape all day if you stubbed your toe in the morning, maybe it hurt for a second but just continue on with your day. Treat this like the same way. you can even drop this line when talking to her in class and watch her response: "Wow you're so right the girl that im right now talking to thinks the same way" or whatever variance of that term. It could show that she was too slow and some other girl sweeped you up. I garentee the will change her domenor in a good or bad way but at least you'll know her intentions but don't make it obvious that you're saying it just to see what she'll do. If she starting to get playful with you be playful back but keep holding you're frame and keep her in the freindzone. If she seems like a cool person to talk to just friendzone her and keep her around, Successful men use EVERYTHING in their life to their advantage, ask yourself how can I use this situation towards my advantage rather then asking how to change the state.

tsirolnik · 2017-03-28T16:14:05+00:00

Throw her away, you're in the friendzone either way

suffocation49 · 2017-03-28T16:26:17+00:00

Honestly man you should've brought it up in class. A simple "hey what happened the other night" would've helped clear it up. She may not be the most proactive girl so you may want to put your eggs in some other baskets. She may only exist for texting, which may be preffered?

Trowawaycausebanned4 · 2017-03-28T16:29:06+00:00

Jesus, what's with these other passive aggressive responses? She's your friend and she's in your class. You're still seeing each other so why don't you ask her. Are you literally texting her every day and not even mentioning this? I'd be all over this case, but I guess as a kid it was a little bit more embarrassing so I'd be shy.

Radicalmattitude1 · 2017-03-28T21:49:53+00:00

You're going to want to check your personal beliefs on what happened here. There's no point in trying to implement a quick "game tactic" unless you have a solid understanding of why you are doing it.

Here's one way of looking at it: " omg what a bitch. I waited for her to show up at the entrance for like 20 minutes. I texted her like 50 times and she never replied. How dare she. That's so rude and inconsiderate. Doesn't she even know who I am? Girls are so fucking flakey. Flakey bitches. How dare they! My fucking night is ruined. I was looking forward to seeing her all week and paid all this money to go see a concert and now it's all fucking ruined because of her!!! ect."

Here's another way of looking at it: " That ducking concert was so amazing! Omg I can't believe I got to see them in person. Such an amazing night I got to spend with my good buddies. Holy fuck we rocked out. Can't wait till the next one. I wonder what happened to that girl from class? Hope she found the place alright. That would suck so much if she missed it"

If she could read your mind, which thoughts would you rather have in your head?

I'm not commenting on your actual reaction to the flake. You know which way you're probably leaning in this instance. And I hope you know which belief system is more productive in relationships.

Unfortunately you might've screwed the pooch in this instance. Someone has to address the fact that she stood you up if you want to move forward and make a real connection. It might as well be you. However, the fact that she didn't at least say sorry and now ignores you in class tells me that she is less invested than you. So good luck trying to get her reinvested now that there's an elephant in the room.

If you really really like this girl, you might still have a chance to stop her outside of class or something and ask her why she didn't meet up with you. But the longer you leave it, the harder it will get .

Either way. Take this as a learning experience for future flakes. Even the guys with the best game in the world get flaked so don't sweat it. The best guys just look at it the right way.

BravoPUA · 2017-03-29T04:11:27+00:00

How to handle flakes

Bravo One of the most misunderstood and most difficult to overcome sticking points for new guys.

Flakes

The fear of the approach is so powerful, that it quickly filters out the guys who aren’t committed to learning this stuff. But new guys who have very little experience getting numbers and getting dates start encountering “flakes” and their resolve and self confidence can get a bit shaky. Lucky for you, I am going to break this down so you can instantly understand what is going on…and you don’t have to spend a year trying to figure this out on your own (like I did back in 2006 which ultimately lead to the Bravo Number Close)

Guys (and AFC me) have so much trouble trying to understand this because we are still viewing the world thru AFC glasses, and have a distorted view on is actually going on.

The most important and first thing you need to understand is=

A reschedule is different than a flake

“Hey, something came up and I have to stay late at work tonight so I can’t meet you for a drink, can we hang out tomorrow?”

That COULD be a 100% legit excuse!mans since she is offering a reschedule date, that conveys that she WANTS to see you.

If she’s doesn’t offer a hard date and is more general with something like “maybe next week” then you should try to lock it down. If she is wishy washy on setting a time then respond back like a confident guy would with, “cool, well let me know when you are free and we can do something then :)”

That way the ball is in her court, incase she IS wanting to see you, the door is still open and her getting back to you is her giving you a big GREEN LIGHT. This also saves time my time because I don’t think about her or the date again until she contacts me, and it prevents AFCs from contacting her too much and looking creepy. It also conveys that I am a man with other options.

When dealing with a legit reschedule, I give her 1 chance at another time. If she wants to see me, she will find away. If she is on the fence just trying to “politely” blow me off (wasting a guys time and giving him false hope isn’t the polite way ladies. This is a good example of woman logic. If she doesn’t have to deal with the repercussions. It doesn’t exist). Now there are always exceptions to the rules and one girl who is a nurse and was on call had to reschedule a few dates, and because I was attracted to her, I let it slide. I did however let it be known that any time that happened, she had to figure out a way to make it up to me…and she always did! 😉

Now a TRUE flake= a chick blows you off, stands you up, leaves you hanging= fuck her.

Back in my AFC days, a flake would get me worried. (me being the super nice guy that I was)

She was digging me…and she wouldn’t do this, she’s not that type of girl….so something clearly happened…I wonder if she got into a car accident or something. Is she OK? I need to know. Maybe she’s lost. I better call her again. No answer. I better call her again. Shit. No answer. I’ll know, I’ll text letting her know it’s OK to blow me off! “If you don’t want to go out with me that’s cool, I just want to make sure you are OK. Just text me so I know. Either way I wish you all the best. :)” What a giant fucking pussy….that was still painful to just type out….too bad I am not the only one who knows that pain.

Why would you wish a person who just conveyed to you, that you aren’t even worth a few seconds of their time, the best.

Fuck them

Fuuuuuuuuuuuck them!!!

AFC think like this

Not adults who value their time!

Not MEN!

Our time is our most valuable asset, fuck anyone who wastes mine! (especially whoever invented the fucking automated telemarketer)

Just like fuckers on craigslist who never come by, and don’t call/text/email you saying they changed their mind and leave you waiting around the house for an hour waiting for them.

Fuck them! (got it?)

Bottom line.

If you built SOLID attraction, she wouldn’t flake on you.

—————————————————————-

example time-

Who do you think is the hottest chick in the world?

Megan Fox

Prime Angeline Jolie

Jessica Alba

Or maybe some dirty porn chick.

Whoever she is, it doesn’t matter. The analogy will work. For the sake of the story I’m going to use Natalie Portman.

To help with story To help with story Let’s say you bump into her in your home town. You approached her (because you decided FUCK IT and took a shot like a Boss) clicked and go for the number close.

“I actually don’t even have a phone right now. It got hacked and I’m going over to japan for a month for a movie. But give me your number and I PROMISE that I will call you when I get back and we will have a date”

What would you do?

Of course you’d give it to her!!

So a month goes by, you tell all of your friends about it, and as 30 days draw closer you start getting excited.

Every time the phone rings you get excited, only to look at the caller ID and see its work, or even worse. Mom.

A few weeks go by

A month or 2

4 months go by and you’ve finally accepted that she isn’t calling, none of your friends believe you and you are so bummed, you don’t even jack to her anymore.

Then the phone rings and it’s some weird number.

“Hello?”

“Hey……Stephen? It’s Natalie. I’m not sure if you remember me…”

“Natalie, of course I remember you…… what happened?”

“I am SOOOO sorry. I put your number in my purse, it got packed up, I looked for it everywhere, and I JUST found it and called you right away.

I really want to see you….if you still do?”

– of course we want to

“I’m in town this weekend, I have a suite at the Ritz and was wondering if you would want to come over, we can get room service and enjoy the hot tub that is in my room?”

– of course what would you say???

But, you have to work?

So what would you do?

Take time off? Call in sick? What if they won’t let you… quit your job?

What if it is your mom’s 60th birthday that weekend?

“Sorry mom. I’m sick. Cough cough. I can’t make it.”

Or are you cool enough with your mom-

“Hey mom, just got off the phone with Natalie Portman, we are hanging out this weekend, she’s in town, and we are hot tubbing, cool if I raincheck the bday?”

“Sure thing! Good luck Steve, wear a rubber, pretty sure she banged Russell Brand.”

“Shit, good memory, Thanks mom!”

Now why would I blow off mom’ bday for a chick that I don’t really know, and left my hanging for months?

Because she Natalie Fucking Portman, that’s why!!!!!!!!

She has SO much value (in my head), social proof, is hot, rich, basically she has +5000 attraction in my mind.

So if the girl you number closed last week only has +10 attraction in YOU, she might flake for any reason. If someone else comes along who rolls a +200 attraction, you get downgraded to a +2 and get blown off. Or since you only worked flash game, had a +200, but a day later, after she had time to think about things, and decided she didn’t like the pink boa as much as she thought….and the alien high five was more gay than cool, then that +200 turns into a -500 and her and her friends sit around making fun of you.

How do you fix this and prevent flakes?

By running solid game, that connects on a deeper level, that isn’t just flash game, and striking while the iron is hot ( locking in day 2 plans THEN, not days later).

Do that, and your flakes will basically disappear and reschedules rarely, if EVER happen. If they keep happening, then you aren’t running solid game.

I don’t even worry about flakes now. If a girl does flake, then that is her demonstrating her mindset (which clearly is not one I want to be around) that she clearly has bad taste (by not making the time to hang out with an awesome guy like me), or the third reason a chick will flake.

An emergency actually came up and she couldn’t reschedule with me.

If that happens, then when she does reach out to me later, I have to hear a good excuse, believe her apology, and accept whatever offer she is making to “make it up to me”. If I’m not satisfied with all of those, then her ship has sailed.

Lastly, a simple way to prevent those AFC thoughts from ever building up is to have a texting relationship with her already established. So when she is getting ready to leave she texts to let you know. Maybe she texts you because you have to let her into the building from outside, or for any other reason you can think of. That way if she doesn’t text before your date, you already know and aren’t left swinging in the wind.

Simple

😀

anon_wat · 2017-03-29T06:13:58+00:00

Classic PUA theory (which is always about trying to get the lay, very practical and goal-centered) is to pretend that it wasn't a big deal, that you had a great time, that you barely noticed she didn't come, that you already forgot that she wasn't there that night.

So this would all start from right when she flakes: when she doesn't respond to your first text about where she is, you don't send anymore texts, you just go silent. And then she doesn't show. So you next see her in class, and you completely ignore the fact that she flaked, you come in confident and happy, talk about how awesome a weekend you, then smile and then eventually set up another meet.

Why is this the best way to turn around what seems like a very bad situation into a possible lay in the future? Because it's how a super high value man would react. A guy who has women falling all over him and leads an exciting life isn't going to be butthurt or care that a woman flaked on him, because he's got 10 other women lined up, because he's super high value. Therefore this non-reactive (ignoring) response to flaking mimics what a high value man would do, thus sub-communicating that you are a high value man, which women find attractive and desire... thus leading to potential success in the future.

In my opinion this is by far the best technique if your goal is to hook up with this woman in the future. All the old PUA techniques are about getting laid - none of this spiritual, self-improvement stuff, just the pure, uncut, unfiltered, ultra-practical techniques that get you lays. On the other hand, this technique basically tells you to put aside your hurt and not assert yourself when someone just disrespected you (by flaking). You have to decide which you'd rather have: a cathartic assertive moment, or a chance at sleeping with this woman in the future. Up to you based on your self-esteem and how much this actually hurt you / how bad you want to sleep with her.

bodhi1187 · 2017-03-29T06:14:07+00:00

Here's what you do. Nothing. Seriously. There are so many women that will appreciate whatever it is you have to offer. I used to be the biggest pussy/pushover, worrying about what to do, or what I did wrong. The only wrong thing I did was continue worrying. Just keep your mojo running like O.J. In a white Bronco and you'll land a chick that's worth it.

Jaereth · 2017-03-28T17:10:10+00:00

Unless she herself takes the initiative to reschedule at another time, just move on to the next one.

prezident_kennedy · 2017-03-28T17:29:25+00:00

Definitely read Models by Mark Manson. I'm reading that right now and it really answers any major questions that you might have for this sub.

syntaxocs · 2017-03-28T18:30:16+00:00

Throw her some shade bra

sumostreet · 2017-03-28T17:42:03+00:00

She isn't worth your time and effort. It's her loss. Time to move onto the next as hard as it may seem to be.

Garthanthoclops · 2017-03-28T19:33:40+00:00

Move on, forget about it. She's not worth your time. If there is a legitimate excuse she will try to get in contact with you.

FartingLikeFlowers · 2017-03-28T21:38:34+00:00

She still texts you but doesnt respond when you text her. What? Also yeah bring it up in class I say. Not as a way of saving this but just to teach her a lesson that this is not how you treat people and she can't get away with stuff like this.

2017-03-28T22:01:48+00:00

So... are you sure that you actually had organised to meet up. Did you get confirmation? Note: "sure, I'll see you there" does not count as confirmation for concert meetups. If you organised it weeks in advance and didn't check in the day before then that is just flakey millennial syndrome. If you're organising a group thing with your friends and her friends, you have to send a reminder to everyone in both groups the three days before and a day before. The group dynamic is different to one on one.

Also, meeting at a concert is not a date. Concerts can be loud and chaotic and it is generally a matter of luck if you manage to spot someone. If she has to drag her friends around looking for you... it ain't gonna happen.

Tell you what, rather than trying to organise dates for all your buddies, how about you just tell her that you were hoping to see her at the concert, and you were disappointed that you didn't because you actually enjoy her company. Then ask if she wants to split a pizza after class or something and then talk to her in person and get to know what she wants.

Game isn't hard. You say what you want to do with them. If they also want to do that with you then you go and do the thing together. If they don't want to do that with you then you find somebody who does.

Corkfire · 2017-03-28T22:07:15+00:00

That was a disrespectful move by the girl, and i wouldn't have oversight with anyone standing me up like that. Plans are plans. If she's such a princess that she thinks its no big deal to stand a guy up, then she is not very good relationship-material. She is probably in a fucking around phase or something, i would guess you're rather young. Talk to some other girl and she might give you attention again, thats how (insecure) girls normally function.

Cthulu2013 · 2017-03-29T00:44:32+00:00

I wouldn't piss on her if she was on fire after that.

Have some self respect op holy fuck

herrrro · 2017-03-29T00:51:36+00:00

These comments lmao

If u want to bone this girl....

Tell her you went with another friend .. let's call her Alissa. She's just some friend from math or something.. she doesn't need to know anything about her just know her from school. It's no big deal

If your "hanging out" with other girls it shows your worth .. don't give two fucks wether she goes or not make it look like u are always fun and eventually she will want what the other "girls" do

mcr00sterdota · 2017-03-29T01:19:52+00:00

Sounds like she was using you as validation.

recyclablebanthas · 2017-03-29T03:00:33+00:00

.....she said they'd be there, my friends and I get there and she doesn't respond when I text her. She never offers an explanation and I know you're supposed to ignore them when they flake.....

It was a group meet, not a date? And at a concert, right? Those are often pretty chaotic and if you don't meet before you go into the venue, sometimes there no way you'll find each other.

In any case, what do you do when a friend does this? That would be your answer.

but we're in the same class

So there's no reason to be anything but cordial in class. Being "cold" would too easily be a passive aggressive thing. Don't fall into that negative trap.

and she still text/snapchats me.

And you still initiate texts or snapchats? If so, why?

Was that the right move? What do I do from here?

Why are you acting as if it's your job to fix this girl's rudeness? It's not.

What she did was show what level of priority she places you at. This is not a thing you fix or take personally. It's something you take note of as you move on.

RedditorDoc · 2017-03-29T03:23:34+00:00

That's pretty rude of her. Ask her what happened just for the sake of closure. Beyond that, it might be time to just swallow the bitter pill that she's either not invested enough in you to care about flaking, or that she hasn't got the decency to know that what she did was rude. In either case, bad red flag to go ahead since that tells you what kind of person she is.

UoAPUA · 2017-03-29T05:01:35+00:00

A lot of people in here are stuck in "follow the manual" mode. There's lots of way to not be needy y'all and doing something that could be taken as needy doesn't really matter if you truly don't give a fuck. Trying to think 8 steps ahead is also needy. And cringey.

Nolat · 2017-03-29T08:06:03+00:00

you don't need people who'll disregard you like that in your life

kingofkingxxx · 2017-03-29T09:27:06+00:00

Maybe she was in period yuck

deejay_1 · 2017-03-28T16:04:29+00:00

Confront her about it and find out. Otherwise you'll never know.

Veganpuncher · 2017-03-28T19:15:59+00:00

She's not going to fuck you. Fuck her off and get real friends. If she gets all whiney about you not talking to her, tell her straight up and in front of as many people as possible that she's a bitch and you don't have time for her shit.

Be The Man. You'll get mad respect from everyone else.

2017-03-28T19:58:22+00:00

A couple people said don't bother asking her about it or confronting her about it.

You should confront her sure, but you're just clowning her for being rude. She will come up with a lie, but all that shit is supposed to amuse you because she's basically going to behave like a child. And she is one, isn't she? What you're telling me is that she's immature.

Don't invite her out again (or just give it a few weeks), she gotta invite you out now.

disposable_pants · 2017-03-28T18:23:54+00:00

How firm were these plans? Was it "we're going together and meeting at 7:30 at XYZ place, looking forward to it", or was it "hey, we're both going to the same show, maybe I'll see you there"?

shyturtlexyz · 2017-03-28T21:09:03+00:00

Next her

Title	What should I do when a girl flakes on me
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	82
Comments	62
Date	March 28, 2017 2:55 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/61ztep/what_should_i_do_when_a_girl_flakes_on_me/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/what-should-i-do-when-a-girl-flakes-on-me.1422519 https://theredarchive.com/post/1422519

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