Just failed my first cold approach and I feel great

BlackBookBasics · 2019-09-19T16:10:20+00:00

I walked towards her and then straight past her out the doors. As soon as I left the building I knew I couldn't let myself get away with this so I walked right back in

Man...you don't how many times I used to do this...and still do sometimes. lol Props to you for not punking out and approaching her!!

jimmywarrior · 2019-09-19T19:16:22+00:00

If you would like a good exercise on how to get more comfortable having longer conversations...

Go to a Starbucks (or any high traffic business/area) sit there and do the following:

Have a conversation with old people about anything. Do as many as you can. One after another of course. Make EYE CONTACT!! And listen!
Talk to the smile. Anyone that smiles (girls or guys) at you ask them how their day is going. I used to do this A LOT. Helped with the anxiety and fear of rejection. I still just smile to everyone and my personal rule is if they are with in 3 -5 feet and return a smile I have to say something. Also helps if you buy your coffee and start with the employees. Make EYE CONTACT!! And listen!!

Once you have done these two steps go on to number 3.

Talk to the hot girls. Make EYE CONTACT!! And listen!! I mean this is what you want right?

You can reach the 3rd step easily. This can be done in one day, One week, one month, one year. But at the end of the day if you want to feel comfortable and not awkward when talking to a hot girl do this. Plus you will have more to talk about because you’ve practiced on others. It never gets easier; you just get better!

Kylemoa1 · 2019-09-19T14:31:46+00:00

Now that it’s out of your system, the next time just focus on holding a little bit of a conversation. As you learn more about social skills and build confidence you’ll find quality banter and small talk works a lot better and warrants a much better response.

When I first started approaching and trying to rush with “you’re cute and uhh...can I get your number” sometimes I’d get it and she’s ghost but (2/10) or (7/10) she’d say I have a boyfriend.

Once I slowed things down and made it less awkward. Numbers and dates increased and in truth I can’t tell you the last time I’ve heard “I have a boyfriend”

Slow it down. Build rapport.

HOOF_HEARTED91 · 2019-09-19T19:10:44+00:00

Nice job. In the future, try to approach with a more neutral comment. Just starting conversation. Not necessarily hitting on her. "That tattoo is badass, I've been thinking about getting something like that" after a couple more lines say something like "well I'll let you get on with your day, but if you dont have a boyfriend, we should go out sometime" say "we should" not "do you want to" shows more confidence. If you cant think of anything else to say as an opener, tell her shes cute but immediately move the conversation forward. It avoids any awkwardness. "I wanted to tell you I think you're really cute. So do you work around here?" Either way, even if you fail miserably, the fact that you approached, is the win. Getting the number is just bonus.

redditerfan · 2019-09-19T19:26:40+00:00

I've been cold approaching for a year now and it started off as a 30 day challenge. I still feel like a beginner yet today I like to approach at least 5 women per day and it's a lot of fun even if I don't hook up with every girl I meet. I wouldn't have time for that anyway lol. I'm at the point that if I see a pretty girl, I have to go talk with her. I've met so many interesting women and talking to pretty girls is like one of the coolest things ever. I've had sex with 13 girls since I've started which is more than I've ever have done so in my life within a year. I've learned so much about myself and continue to do so. I'm 39, a single dad and at this point not looking for a serious relationship. About this time last year I was yet at a time I had a week where I had 4 dates with different girls, somehow I really appreciated the day where I did not have a date so I could relax with myself.

I wish I started doing this sooner in life but better late than never. There are ups and downs yet I don't feel so damn scared of the world like I used to. I meet pretty girls during the day if I see one and what I've gathered is that the majority of women I've approached have been really friendly and encourage men to meet women face to face. I've probably approached 1500 women since I started my challenge and each approach has been some sort of lesson in life that I can't really explain here. Women are not scary as I used to think and feel.

Thanks for coming here and sharing your story. Face to face used to be the only way a woman could meet a man. For me I feel like it's effective and when done right with the correct mindset it builds a mans mental strength. I've had times where I would approach 30 girls with no number and would feel like fuck man, this sucks but then I would get laid so it's such a finicky to learn in my opinion. Sometimes I feel like cold approach is akin to initiation to manhood. Maybe.

So many men are afraid to approach women which is an advantage for us men who have the balls to do it. Even I get scared at times but when that hot girl I met on the street or at the grocery store is naked in bed with me I smile at how fun it is to connect with a pretty girl sexually.

kjmo999ok · 2019-09-19T19:17:57+00:00

As a single woman, it’s definitely jarring when someone opens up with a direct compliment like that. Conversation is always good. Ask about what they’re reading, give them your full attention while they’re talking, ask them more questions and talk a little bit about yourself! I don’t necessarily think that an approach should be any less successful based on if they noticed you or liked you first (especially since you can’t always tell). Often if someone is obviously trying for you right off the bat women will make an excuse to not deal with it (whether or not they actually have one). Trying being a “friendly” pursuer first and then if it goes well you can be more upfront about your feelings.

basschaser28 · 2019-09-19T20:16:28+00:00

I'm 56 recently divorced but I talk to almost every woman I see. Grocery store. Bar where ever. Don't ever say they are cute or pretty. Just keep it light and ask questions that require a longer answer than just yes or no. Your confidence will grow. Always dress and groom to impress

MrMemper · 2019-09-19T19:29:31+00:00

Just keep doing it. Just like any skill anyone is learning, the first few months is about quantity over quality. Keep going until you wear down your built up fears over rejection. Over time also improve who you are as a man. Read. Lift. Improve your wardrobe a bit. Save money. Get good at hobbies that are not video games. Over time your options will get better and better but this also means you will also need to learn how to properly vet women too.

Good job on getting started!

kruger_schmidt · 2019-09-19T19:27:56+00:00

Confidence, my man. That shows great confidence. Good on you and good luck!

Latinguy4321 · 2019-09-19T18:37:31+00:00

Don't listen to Webby..people talking too loud can make people uncomfortable..your a guy and if you wanna approach a girl there's nothing wrong with that...I approached two girls who are classmates just to chat a bit ..no different.As long as your not trying to pull some over sexual stuff this is not an issue.

svesrujm · 2019-09-19T18:45:45+00:00

Tips?

I've done cold approaching. Many times. Huge waste of time.

Bold?

Yes.

Direct?

Yes.

Effective or efficient?

No.

Odds of failure increases significantly if she's not into you first. The "I think you're cute" line works if she thinks you are first. In other words, a woman has to choose to be into you. If you choose her, you've given up your masculine power.

Women are the choosers, and when a woman chooses, you know - I mean you really know.

They bump into "accidentally" usually with their breast, giggle "loudly", flirt, tease (slap/pinch your butt, hit your arm, poke you, etc., literally the same shit girls did when you were in grade school), touch you randomly, talk loudly around their friends, hoover around you inconspicuously, are nervous/shy around you, plays with their hair "a lot", or looks at you with doe eyes and you get a strong pulling energy that feels like she's inviting you to come say "Hi"...

...and THEN you approach.

But, you see, it's never "cold". It's warm, because she's opened up to you seconds or minutes before you make a first approach.

Your role as a MAN is to be AWARE of these signals from woman and then YOU decide if you want to engage. A king doesn't pursue. He's given OPTIONS. A king doesn't "chase", he has choices. And then a king decides which of those options he wants to entertain.

When you cold approach, you become the entertainer. Amusement. Validation. A bit like a clown. Nothing more.

You pined over a girl for nearly 2 days, giving her your precious mental and emotional energy, just for her to say, "No, sorry, got a boyfriend." She wasn't thinking about YOU at all, but you see, that's the way it must be.

Fuck what you heard all your life from society, WOMEN are the pursuers. They need YOU more than you need THEM.

Why?

Because you carry the seed of life. A woman gives life (give birth) but you create it. Your manhood; your masculinity is between your legs. What you hold is your power, and that's what women crave like bees to honey.

You are called your mother's/father's son for a reason, because mother earth (feminine) revolves around you (Sun).

Earth (feminine) needs you more than you need Earth. So it's the Earth that seeks out the warmth of the Sun. So, too, is it the woman that seeks out the warmth and glow of a man.

That's how that works. Here's how you create that dynamic. It's real simple:

...if you watch porn, STOP!

...if you jack off, QUIT!

...if you ejaculate, NO MORE!

When you're anxious/nervous around ANY female, that's FEMININE...remember when I said that a woman will be shy/ nervous around a man she LIKES...girls are supposed to be that way, so why the hell are you?! That's a feminine trait; a result of consuming porn, jacking off, and worst, ejaculating your power (sperm/semen).

If you can resist watching digital pictures and jacking off to ejaculation, the dyanmic will flip and that same girl who "rejected you", after only 2 weeks of this discipline, will be confused as to why she suddenly "likes" you.

Females can somehow sense a mans power; his virility; his essence. They can literally smell the potency of his seed and go crazy. Go for 2 weeks and watch what happens. Than go for 30 days, than 60 days, than 90 days, and you will never have to cold approach a girl again...

...they will start cold approaching you.

And, trust me, girls are 10X better at the whole 'relationship thing' than us guys. We have to LEARN how to do it. Girls are just NATURALS at it. They have to be for the survival of THEIR bloodline. You don't have that problem because you are the direct SOURCE to their survival (via your sperm).

Try this and your nervousness/anxiety will magically disappear. You will stop being in your head. You will actually say and do things that most people say "not to say" to girls that turns them on (I've said some rude shit to beautiful girls and it makes them even hornier), you'll just "know" what to say or do when she says something sexually suggestive to you, things will just "flow"...

...nature will work with you when you work with nature.

I hope this helps you.

Tonynguyen10 · 2019-09-19T18:26:07+00:00

Niiiiiice! Props man!

basschaser28 · 2019-09-20T11:09:20+00:00

Look at the cart and ask about something they are buying or how to cook it.

recyclablebanthas · 2019-09-22T16:31:02+00:00

It's great that you cracked the seal, so to speak. Now some notes on how to make some improvements next time.

I walked towards her and then straight past her out the doors.

....I walked right back in

.....sat down next to her and mentioned the bench and told her I thought she was cute. I stumbled a bit

Using observation is dead easy and gives you a lot to open someone on..... stuff that dovetails straight into conversation much of the time. David Wygant has some good videos on this concept, like this one.

Now here's the issue: observation requires your senses and focus to be outside of yourself, gathering data. Think like that scene in Terminator 2. It's constantly taking in everything, it's not analyzing inside itself, ignoring the world.

But when those monkey voices start going off in our heads when we see a girl like that, it pulls our focus inside our heads and we get stuck trying to analyze. Like, "What do I say?" or "What do I do?" And once we're in that mode and/or panicking, we're not gathering data anymore.

Which means we are robbing ourselves of data that's right in front of us.

.....and she said she has a boyfriend.....

So from her perspective

A guy walks up and sits down
He mentions some event a few weeks ago that didn't even register to her memory. She likely had no recollection of what you were talking about, which would have made your comment random and possibly unintentionally creepy.
He opens with a generic compliment opener like "cute." Which is unintentionally unobservant because "cute" isn't attached to anything specific she said or did.

That's definitely awkward and possibly unintentionally scared her a smidge. But it's okay, we all have been there! I know I've had more cringe-worthy encounters than this one you describe.

Side-note: A lot of girls will say they have a BF, because a lot of guys out there won't take it well if a girl says or shows that she isn't interested. But those same guys will leave a girl alone if she brings up another guy.

But the good news is, if you push your awareness and focus outwards and onto observation, you'll have something better to say next time.

Observation would have involved commenting on what she was doing:

What she was reading
What she was working on
Maybe something she was wearing
Something else notable about her situation.

Same thing when you were on the bench.

TheNexum · 2019-09-19T23:54:31+00:00

I would highly highly recommend to not go in direct if you are at a college. Its a small community and people talk. Go in indirect next time. Meaning, no more "hey, I think youre cute" then leave. Also, the "i have a bf" line is sometimes true and sometimes a filter to get you to leave. So just dont leave after that. If you need help starting a conversation and how to open in direct, I wrote an entire article about it here:
https://thenexum.com/howtostartaconversation/

basschaser28 · 2019-09-20T01:58:04+00:00

From an old guy . Different generations but same rules apply

mediasinass · 2019-09-20T09:14:11+00:00

Good job! 1. Approach without hesitating 2. Approach often and frequently 3. In the beginning don't pay too much attention to the outcome 4. Later try to learn from your fuck ups and adapt

hey-bail · 2019-09-20T12:54:48+00:00

"That's how you become great, man. Hang your balls out there!"

StrobeRogers · 2019-09-19T19:36:01+00:00

I think im nervous sometimes and dont approach, but its usually my gut that says shes taken. If i ignore it, im usually correct. If im not nervous, but hesitant, i usually get a number, but then its like.."im broke, too old, or nervous about not being man enough for her."

LowLowBanjolo · 2019-09-19T22:34:27+00:00

But did you bang though?

Celestial_Europe · 2019-09-19T17:37:30+00:00

I would NEVER approach any girl EVER! They should do it! Its their problem if they dont!

Webby915 · 2019-09-19T18:11:59+00:00

You're being a dick by making people uncomfortable in the library.

Do it somewhere else.

Title	Just failed my first cold approach and I feel great
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	604
Comments	101
Date	September 19, 2019 2:06 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/d6ejhy/just_failed_my_first_cold_approach_and_i_feel/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/just-failed-my-first-cold-approach-and-i-feel.1479040 https://theredarchive.com/post/1479040

Comments