How do I start flirting and for a lack of a better "signal" that I'm interested in them as more than a friend

Backseater48 · 2020-06-14T10:15:44+00:00

I get that this is the "seduction" subreddit, so people might not think that this is very smooth, but being really blunt and honest has always worked for me. People respond well to confidence (not arrogance, though). For example, you could just say, "I like you, and I'm attracted to you. If that makes you uncomfortable, just tell me, and I won't bring it up again." And then give them a nice, sincere smile. And smile when they give you their answer. If they return your feelings, you can just tell them that it makes you happy. If they say they don't feel that way about you, just tell them that it was worth the shot and you hope they find the right person. Then change the subject and go back to friend mode.

The number one way to move past a rejection fear is to put yourself in situations where you can be rejected. In behavior therapy, that's called systematic desensitization. I think after being rejected a few times, you realize it's not as bad as you feared. Rejection isn't necessarily about your inherent worth; it's about whether or not someone else sees you as a good fit. So put yourself out there and see what happens! Best case scenario, you meet the love of your life, and worst case scenario, you walk away the same way you came in. You can't lose what you don't have.

Moldy_Gecko · 2020-06-14T18:29:03+00:00

Here's the thing, if you're straightforward and get rejected and play it cool afterward, they know. Something may or may not happen in the future, but there won't be any nervous feeling around them anymore and it's likely you won't lose a friend.

On the flip side, if you're awkward and never express yourself and just hold it in, they can tell, and you'll be the awkward guy they won't want to be around. Honesty has got me laid 1000x more than pussyfooting.

I read some more of your replies. If she avoids answering you or replying when you tell her, she's not interested in you the same way. In that case, don't keep spending hours on the phone with her afterwards, go find other girls and, maybe, she'll do anything to get your attention again. Maybe not. But at least you'll have other girls that want you and be around you.

Dodechaedron · 2020-06-14T10:51:44+00:00

Use some humour to drive the conversation towards dating, 'romantic' outcomes, sex (ultimately) etc and observe her reactions. If she laughs and says something equally witty and encouraging in return, move on (green light), otherwise, if she changed tone and topic, back down (red light). You have to learn to read some body language, too.

DaRockLobster · 2020-06-14T14:05:58+00:00

The ultimate goal is to express interest while not putting lots of pressure on the woman.

My personal favorite way to do this is whenever I had a sincere moment of attraction with the woman I was flirting with, I would quickly make a passing comment about it.

For instance, if I was in the middle of a sentence I would quickly stop for a moment and say "wow, you are pretty cute" then continue the sentence/conversation as if nothing was said at all. This way, the woman doesn't have to respond, she simply has to determine if she wants to continue seeing where the interaction leads.

Another method that is easier to implement is to compliment a specific aspect of the girl. For instance, her smile or outfit. This allows you to express interest while not completely and overtly stating you are interested in her totality.

adityasood99 · 2020-06-14T20:39:52+00:00

I follow this one technique where i start talking to a girl and i start to talk about some good place to hangout, like a good bar or a coffee shop or something like that and i say that i have plans of going there this weekend, you are welcome to join if you want. I usually bring up this topic of hanging out pretty soon, maybe after our first meeting or second at the max. The more you wait, the slimmer are your chances. This technique works cause if she says yes, its good enough sign that girl is interested in hanging out with you and eventually you can escalate the conversation during your meetup. If she says no, even then things dont get any awkward than you directly telling her that you are attracted to her, cause it implies that you already have plans and her joining you or not is not going to impact your plans.
After she agrees to go out, you need to casually flirt. You wouldnt get a better chance than this and her agreeing to going out with you is a good sign. Overt communication, in my opinion rarely works with a girl, unless she is totally into you. Its a big risk with a possibility to make things extremely awkward between you two. No matter how cool you pretend to play afterwards, things become a bit difficult for you, unless you are some stone cold dude with absolutely zero F to give.

Backseater48 · 2020-06-14T20:12:41+00:00

Eye contact is all you need to convey you like more than friends

knuckle_dust · 2020-06-14T10:10:06+00:00

girls usually know

Backseater48 · 2020-06-14T20:59:59+00:00

[permanently deleted]

VDKay · 2020-06-14T21:20:08+00:00

Talk to her and build comfort, and if convo is going well, just tell her that you like her and want to talk to her again so ask her out, exchangr contact info etc. If she agrees, 95% she likes you too.

When on the date, assume attraction. Build tension with sexual convo and light touching. If she is receptive, go for a kiss or something. You can get away without ever saying anything explicit

Done

mkmike000 · 2020-06-14T15:38:03+00:00

watch „fearless man“ on yt. he teaches this very well. most is about tension.

CouldntThinkOf1 · 2020-06-14T21:09:46+00:00

I've come to notice that a lot of my anxiety comes from my fear or lack of experience in expressing my emotions. There is no point in fearing rejection if you don't expect anything in the first place.

If you truly care about the person then most of the time letting them know that and doing your best to show it won't cause any harm, even if they don't share the same it will usually strengthen the relationship anyways. People like to be appreciated

Of you're just looking for a date/hook up then there really is no point in dicking around wondering if they would be down.

Keep your expectations low and be honest, what could go wrong?

yeeeewhawwwww91 · 2020-06-18T23:11:10+00:00

If you’re hot go talk to them and they’ll eat all your bullshit up if you’re ugly don’t bother because you’re not gonna get any signals and they aren’t interested in you.

Backseater48 · 2020-06-14T15:43:28+00:00

If you're truly about a person as friends. Don't stop being that if you get rejected. More and more people are staying single due to the obviously abundance of ways for people to cheat.. It seems like a why even bother scenario to me personally. But there are friends I've had for years who recently asked me out. I honestly didn't want to even say no to them. No one wants to hurt people they give a crap about. But because I had to say I don't want a relationship with anyone I see that these guys slipped right of the edge of the earth and a couple of them are even mad at me.. I can't win either way. No friends nooo companions. My cat died in May.. Glad I'm resilient. Or that might really hurt me... Thing is I wasn't rejecting anyone because they weren't good enough for me. I was hoping they would stay and be my friend which in the part lasted longer than my relationships. Friends I get along with because with friends I don't care about your phone, where you are, if your late, how you spend your money. Friends is where the good times are. So why mess that up?... I'm just saying don't try a relationship on a friend unless they actually lean back and sit with you on a couch with head in your chest.. Then it's still a maybe. Let them chase you.

Backseater48 · 2020-06-14T15:52:06+00:00

Just say I ain't never gonna be your friend woman. Kiss her spin her slap bottom say go make us some lunch. If she does put 3 $100 bills in her purse red marker them I love you. Make sure you can do this often. Or don't do it ever.

Title	How do I start flirting and for a lack of a better "signal" that I'm interested in them as more than a friend
Author	Backseater48
Upvotes	236
Comments	72
Date	June 14, 2020 9:46 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/h8qw6p/how_do_i_start_flirting_and_for_a_lack_of_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-do-i-start-flirting-and-for-a-lack-of-a-better.1497220 https://theredarchive.com/post/1497220

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