How did you broke through your approach anxiety?

QuantumShit00 · 2020-09-27T14:06:17+00:00

You dont break through it per se. You get different perspective of it. It is something natural. Do you hate when you are happy? No you dont. Well then you shouldnt hate when you are anxious. Anxiety is part of life, and it is good. When you feel anxious about something that means you are growing and trying new things. And that makes your body go “Hey man, we’ve never done this before, you know, im kinda nervous. Maybe stay over here just in case.”

To get over anxiety you need to learn to live with it and not listen to it. So you start small. Give compliment to cashier. Take cold showers. Talk to random person on a bus stop. And with time you will realize that anxiety is nothing more then fear of unknown. Fear that something will happen that could hurt you really badly. But that thing never happens.

Anxiety is part of life, its natural. Dont fight it. Accept it. And then go do whatever you were gonna do.

I still have huge anxiety sometimes. And everytime it turns out that i was anxious about nothing. Life is too short, dont let doubt in your mind creep in and stop you from doing things that you know are awesome and will make you happier. Shit, i was even shy to go workout. I thought all these people will judge me, i felt anxious. And guess what. I now sometimes go into swimming shorts and whatever old wrinkled tshirt. You think i dont give a fuck? Hell no. I feel stupid and anxious. But thats the trick. I go anyway.

It is really when i grew a pair, realized im a man, that i started doing things i was afraid/anxious of. So dont worry. As long as you do every day what makes you anxious, even just slightly, and repeat it every day. You’re gonna be golden my friend. NOBODY is not anxious. Everyone is. Its a part of being human. But you can train it. Anxiety is like abs. Everyone has them, just some people workout and you can see their six pack.

Love you man!

AlwaysLearningWork · 2020-09-27T11:48:55+00:00

It all blends together in memory honestly. I was at a party where I knew I'd never see most of the people again, ended up sleeping with a great girl after approaching her and asking her to dance with me. I had approached a ton of people asking for directions so when one day I met a girl in a mall, striking up conversation and getting her number didn't even seem scary, it just seemed like normal, healthy conversation.

Those were moments when it just clicked for me. Before that, tons of awkward conversations, hesitations etc. But the common factor for both of these click moments was that I felt good; really really good, about myself.

Once I stopped focusing so much on just social, social, social, girls, girls, girls, worked on my life and started to feel good about who I was, all the pieces came together quite nicely.

loveisascam · 2020-09-27T12:11:59+00:00

Just have fun with it, don't fixate on getting numbers or dates

KingRemu · 2020-09-27T12:45:10+00:00

I still have AA but reading books and this sub, talking to girls I'm not attracted to and having a social circle with girls has helped. Also alcohol.

One major thing was getting over the fear of rejection by realizing there's nothing wrong with me or her, we just weren't compatible. Now I just laugh it off and wish her a good day.

leditropin · 2020-09-27T12:45:44+00:00

Discipline, conscious effort, realizing that the only action that makes sense is to approach; not doing it leads to regret, therefore overcoming the resistance builds the habit and the skills - regardless of failure.

Umbran_scale · 2020-09-27T17:09:37+00:00

Mine was through the insistence of my friends arranging nights out for me to go and approach a woman, they helped out a lot with providing the types of clothes to wear and ideas of an opener and they supported me when I inevitably got shot down which helped deal with the rejection.

I'll admit, it really wasn't something I wanted to do and if given the choice to do it over again, I'd likely have told them all to eat a bag of dicks for going through this hassle, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't grateful for their encouragement although I wonder how many of them did it so they could pass me onto someone else to annoy them instead. :/

It's happened enough that I can manage to approach women by myself and even earn their trust walk them home at the end of the night, though I've yet to actually keep my social battery going long enough to go into their house with them.

It's sort of the fear of riding a bike for the first time is probably the best way I can put it, you've got no idea what you're doing at first and an outside view of it makes the failures look more painful than they actually are, but once you've got someone to help you get the hang of it, it's not nearly as scary and the failures aren't that bad either.

xGalasko · 2020-09-27T19:31:05+00:00

Liquor

docent3434 · 2020-09-27T17:34:02+00:00

By doing it a lot. Realising that it is numbers game. Training my brain that each time it feels an "excuse" not to approach, to instantly approach.

And yes. Realising that you have no regrets "what could have been." As well as, life really goes on.

Good luck.

OrzhovPalatine · 2020-09-27T18:13:56+00:00

I heard Patrice O'Neal in my head saying "you punk ass bitch! She ain't shit motherfucka, you better than her".

Rest is history.

Mistermistery101 · 2020-09-27T21:29:17+00:00

So rather than one particular moment that completely got rid of my approach anxiety, I just began to do this specific technique every time I planned on approaching girls that day. It eventually turned into me doing this everytime I went out. Here's what it is:

SOCIAL LUBRICATION

let's say I decided to go out to approach 5 girls that day. And let's also say I took a week break so I'm kind of rusty. If I were to go out and try to approach someone, best believe I'd be feeling anxiety. And those who's experied it knows that it's more than just a feeling. It can feel like you're literally inside your own head, full of criticism about yourself. You feel trapped. Stuck.

So my solution was to do this before I actually began talking to girls: have random conversation /chitchat with 10 random strangers. Guy or girl. They can be some random kid. Or a old grandma. Just start finding every and any opportunity to talk to at least 10 people. A tip is to always banter and make the conversation slightly fun.

I found that whenever I do that, approaching women became extremely easy. You start to realize you really are just talking to just another person, just like the other 10 people you approached before.

This also helps with getting outside of your own head. If you are literally taking every opportunity to talk to strangers (guy or girl) you don't really feel that dread of being awkward. The more people you talk to, the more socially lubricated you become.

Even better is to keep on talking the strangers in between the girls you actually approach.

I've literally had a random girl at a bar get her guy friend to tell me she liked me and wanted to meet. She was like 2 or 3 tables down but felt the fun and social energy I was giving out. Friends, I was talking to a middle age man and a gay dude. Literally just shooting the shit with these strangers and that by itself attracted her.

Now the best thing to do is to make it a point to always talk to strangers everytime you go out. Even if it's saying one extra sentence more than you had to at the grocery store.

This helped with my social anxiety issue, not necessarily permanently, but in a way where I can overcome it whenever I want.

kalz44 · 2020-09-28T19:10:30+00:00

I didn't. I've only made a few hundred approaches and I've been anxious almost every time. I just approach despite being anxious. Take a deep breath and walk on over. Also practice makes perfect, it was much easier for me to approach today than say six years ago.

AstralValProjection · 2020-09-27T14:00:17+00:00

Just do it, you see a girl or some random person, go talk to him/her

rokablu · 2020-09-27T15:39:36+00:00

Expectations have a lot to do with it, its always easier for me to talk to anyone when I'm just curious about who this person is. You must remeber that there are people wildly different from you and when you get a chance to talk to them and see whats inside the mind it can be truly fascinating.

Which is a different mental path than "oh shit she is beautiful i wanna get __ from her"

DIAMONDECHOEZ · 2020-09-27T19:39:44+00:00

Well I’m on Ssris a low dose of lexapro and I also take altenol and I’ve found this combo had changed me for the better I don’t care as much any more and my social anxiety has decreased drastically as a result.

TheBackstreetNet · 2020-09-27T20:23:44+00:00

My recommendation is start off with something you're comfortable with like asking the time. Just make sure you do it every day. Start a streak.

Then secondly, redefine success. You succeed by approaching one girl. If you do that, you succeeded. It doesn't matter what she says or whether you get her number. Success is just talking to her.

Thirdly, pat yourself on the back for doing something. Say, "Good job, u/relentless_pma, you approached someone!"

And finally, understand that this fear isn't logical. It doesn't respond to reason. The only true way to get over it is to get passed it.

KYS_Aaron · 2020-09-27T20:27:13+00:00

Got wasted

revente · 2020-09-27T23:36:51+00:00

i realised that no matter what bs ‚mental routine’ i’ll try, the fear won’t go away and learned how to act throught it.

NDex101 · 2020-09-28T02:19:39+00:00

I always have anxiety, but I know that if I stick to what I know and what I've practiced that I will soon press that feeling away. There's nothing like meeting new people. It's exciting. Not everyone is going to respond positively. If you do it right and often you should be good. You can't write a letter if you never put a pen onto the paper. This scares some people. The thought of failing has serious effects on the human psyche. Fight or flight. I remember I once approached a woman. I wanted to practice a technique. She flat looked at me with this look as though she could not tolerate this. She tapped her friend on her shoulder, whispered something and they gave me a shitty look. I was embarrassed. I walked over to a 2 set I recently opened and had the time of my life. If I would have given up, I wouldn't have had such a great time with two very lovely ladies. Push through or go home and rub one off. Your choice.

docent3434 · 2020-09-27T17:34:11+00:00

By doing it a lot. Realising that it is numbers game. Training my brain that each time it feels an "excuse" not to approach, to instantly approach.

And yes. Realising that you have no regrets "what could have been." As well as, life really goes on.

Good luck.

alexchasekamikaze · 2020-09-27T18:17:52+00:00

https://youtu.be/XGYl--a1_pU

I posted this here the other day, exactly how I managed to overcome approach anxiety.

There are 3 different strategies, the 3rd one is more advanced

Title	How did you broke through your approach anxiety?
Author	relentless_pma
Upvotes	25
Comments	30
Date	September 27, 2020 11:22 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/j0pid5/how_did_you_broke_through_your_approach_anxiety/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-did-you-broke-through-your-approach-anxiety.1502902 https://theredarchive.com/post/1502902

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SOCIAL LUBRICATION