Why does cold approaching feels frowned upon when it was practiced by previous generations and meeting girls in bars and online dating is similar to it?

kalz44 · 2020-10-09T14:37:58+00:00

This is my (unfounded) opinion, but I think cold approach gives men an advantage in dating and I think anything that gives men an advantage dating is frowned upon.

Woujo · 2020-10-09T13:49:15+00:00

Here are the reasons:

1) Most guys don't have the balls to do it so they try to discourage other guys from doing it. A man who can just walk up to any woman and confidently approach her is a dangerous man because he will steal everyone's pussy.

2) Because it is so hard to do cold approach, most people who do so are psychopaths, creeps, and lunatics. Again, a man who can confidently and calmly approach like a normal person is rare, so people just assume it doesn't exist.

3) Humans have a strong fear of rejection, not just by the woman but from the "tribe" in general, which is why we are afraid of approaching strangers. We feel comfortable approaching in bars because society ("the tribe") has told us it is ok there, but even then we feel a ton of anxiety.

cottagecorehoe · 2020-10-09T11:27:32+00:00

So there are certain scenarios with cold approaching that might not work. If you approach her at night while it’s dark on an empty street, it probably won’t go well for you and you’d likely make her uncomfortable. If she’s on the phone, you likely shouldn’t try to get her attention. If she is clearly busy then also it might be off putting to her that you’re distracting her.

Cold approaching works most successfully at those social places where people meet people because they’re more open and prepared to meet new people. I’ve met new people at bars and clubs all the time. Everyone is in a mindset to socialize which means the response to a cold approach will likely be more positive.

Good luck!

Captain_w00t · 2020-10-09T11:21:25+00:00

Although I’m sure centuries ago men had to straight up introduce themselves to a woman and inform them of their romantic interest

You're almost wrong. Not long ago (up until early 2000s), cold approaching wasn't based on the fact that you informed them of any romantic interest. You first approached them, do some chit chat to build some comfort, and if things went well, you asked for their number (not the mobile phone, the home one!).

online dating which i believe is not too dissimilar to cold approaching

wrong again. online dating is HUGELY different from cold approaching or any kind of real life interaction. the only fact that the only metric for online dating is made of "static pictures" should tell you a lot about it. in real life you can play many other "cards" (eye gazing, voice, body language, gestures, ...) that you can't do online. moreover, in online dating people are skimming profiles just like they would do on Amazon: people are like products in a store catalog and they are cherry-picked by only looking at the picture. in real life you have at least the chance to say something before getting (eventually) rejected, while online you might be ghosted or don't get any reply even after a "match".

I don't know where you got these fantasies and myths, but you're wrong for sure.

OGWarlock · 2020-10-09T14:01:51+00:00

Cold approaching works if your intention is to meet and have conversations with interesting people, as opposed to just approaching women with the intent of bedding them. Women are very perceptive and they'll be able to tell the difference.

Go into it with a mindset of having fun, being social and learning about someone new and even if you don't get numbers you will most likely meet your goal of having a good time. Having the intention of taking things further before you even know her is needy, and doesn't set you apart from the hundreds of other guys she deals with like that.

Minky123456 · 2020-10-09T17:17:20+00:00

What she is really saying is your approach didn't work. More than likely it was a combination of body language and maybe she was having a bad day. Do not let one woman speak for all others. You realize there are tons more out there right and they are NOT the same. That being said, until we all become anti social, people in general will always welcome approach from others. We are social creatures.

Also, why are you allowing your mind to be polluted from foolish thoughts about not approaching them.

Online dating only works for a select group of people, but if you want best success then it's best to hunker down and make the effort to cold approach.

macroxela · 2020-10-09T16:06:23+00:00

Context is important. If you just cold approach a woman without warning it will send negative vibes that will most likely wind up in rejection. This is what happens on the street or places where you don't expect to socialise with people. If you approach them in a place and time when/where socialising is expected or encouraged then it will work better. If you first get to know them and actually make them comfortable before asking then much better. Also, keep in mind many people (not all) who cold-approach tend to be creepy, display bad behaviors, or have the mindset of seeing women as prizes. Not all but definitely a good chunk. A confident, attractive person doesn't need to cold-approach. They simply talk to her, enjoy their time together and asks her out if they got along at the end.

rustoof · 2020-10-09T13:09:46+00:00

For most of human history you would talk to her father. When it wasn't like that you still probably stood no chance unless you were of relatively equal standing and were introduced by a mutual friend. Men and women liking each other and making it happen is a very new development.

Daytime Cold approach, which I have done a lot of, somewhat succesfully, is not a very good methodology. Its the sort of thing you do when theres no reason not too and you think shes very cute or there is some sort of non verbal connection. Its something in your toolbox you can pull out at any conveneient time. I think going out specifically to cold approach is a giant waste of time, time that should be spent developing your social circle or improving your own attractiveness. However, never talking to women on the street is also pointless.

The easiest ways to get with someone are, in order, mutual introduction by close friend, mutual introduction by shared group/activity (ie everyones advice to join a rock climbing gym lol), mutual introduction by shared social proof (attendance at an invite only party). These are by far the ways ive met most people I have developed romantic relationships with.

Picking chicks up from shows, bars, online or daytime cold approach is imo much less likely.

I think your issue is misunderstanding what pick up is. Pick up isnt something you go do. Its something you live. If youre not happy with your current romantic situation, then when it makes sense and is feasible you talk to women. Theres no need to try to force anything. But if your day to day life involves coed group activities and you have some female frienda you hang out with you'll do much better.

Guys going out for no reason but to pick up chicks creates a very charged atmosphere that ends up putting more qomen further on their guard then would be best from our point of view.

But if youre waiting for your car to get inspected and you ask a woman who is also waiting how her day is going...well thats just being friendly.

Under no circumstancea should anyone be approaching strangers and declaring romantic intentions except in the grimiest of situations (basically somewhere where everyone is drunk and under the age of 25).

PuroPincheGains · 2020-10-09T19:46:56+00:00

Because a bunch of autists put on fuzzy hats and started speed approaching women for practice. It used to be sincere, now they know that you probably do it to any attractive girl you see. The more natural and sincere you can make your approach, the better.

JimBeamAndCoke2016 · 2020-10-10T02:04:27+00:00

The metoo movement didn't help things. Suddenly innocent cold approach was labelled as sexual harassment. Funnily enough not if the girl was attracted to you. Some cities around the world have either made, or are in the process of making, approaching women in public illegal.

The_Advocates_Devil_ · 2020-10-09T15:51:23+00:00

I look back to a time when I approached a woman in the street who then told me that what I was doing “doesn’t work”.

NEVER ask a fish how it wants to be caught! You find the fisherman with the most tuna or the biggest tuna and go speak directly with him about how you can catch tuna too!

Title	Why does cold approaching feels frowned upon when it was practiced by previous generations and meeting girls in bars and online dating is similar to it?
Author	Zlint
Upvotes	31
Comments	17
Date	October 9, 2020 10:16 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/j7we4i/why_does_cold_approaching_feels_frowned_upon_when/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/why-does-cold-approaching-feels-frowned-upon-when.1503622 https://theredarchive.com/post/1503622

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