Will this backfire? Thinking about asking STBXW'S parents to pls reason with her

upvotersfortruth · 2024-03-30T03:45:47+00:00

I have made a consistent/generous offer since we started this process.

A common mistake, divorce is a zero sum game. Rather than going to her parents (which if they haven't convinced her by now, have zero shot at it), revoke the most recent offer, stop all settlement and push to trial. Make her come to you or let the cards fall where they may. The time for reason is long over, if there ever was one.

As we say in litigation, the first party to come to their senses and be reasonable, loses.

AirSailer · 2024-03-29T22:13:31+00:00

I agree with others, going to her parents won't gain you anything, and it might seem to them that you're asking them to take a side, which could sour your relationship with them. Don't take a chance on burning that bridge, especially with such a low chance of success anyways.

DetroiterInTX · 2024-03-29T17:02:58+00:00

What can backfire: when they talk to the stbxw, she smells blood in the water and doubles down.

Danno5367 · 2024-03-29T16:25:19+00:00

Never interrupt your enemy when they are making a mistake.

Napolean

EnvironmentalAd3558 · 2024-03-29T16:20:32+00:00

It sounds like you feed the monster. Stop being generous with your offers. Stay very close to what she will get if the judge were to decide at trial.

With women like her a generous offer is a sign of weakness and just makes her think that she can get even more from you. Negotiations are usually futile and just run up your legal costs and they end up just being more unreasonable.

If you made an overly generous offer in the past then any future response to the next new demand by her should be less at near what the judge would likely do. Lower her expectations.

She may very well see contacting her parents as you being desperate to settle.

roman_erudite · 2024-03-29T15:21:35+00:00

Can your lawyer ask for a fee award?

Enough_Youth_4564 · 2024-03-29T15:11:17+00:00

I’m going through something similar, except that her parents are 100% as evil and vindictive as she is. She’s literally threatening me to give her more than what she would get. At this stage I know that court is inevitable , and I’m making sure she doesn’t sleep one night without knowing that court will make her lose more. You can’t rational with them, you either grey rock or just fight.

Dapper_Employer5787 · 2024-03-29T14:17:19+00:00

I can't see this working out in your favor, if anything it will just infuriate her and she will amplify her vindictive behavior

dday_throwaway3 · 2024-03-29T14:14:30+00:00

Collaborative divorce just means you pay for divorce twice. It's a WOMBAT: waste of money, brains and time.

She's squeezing you for everything because you don't know how to say "no". It was that way when you were married, which is what led to her entitlement. You're tripping over yourself trying to appease her with deals. Because of that, she views you as a weak man. And women despise weak men.

You're out of touch with society if you think you can go to her parents to ask them to help you. They are going to look out for their daughter first. Period. You also don't seem to understand female nature. A woman's natural proclivity is emotionalism, not logic. It's not about what you say, it's about how you make her *feel*. Compare that to men who are logical/rational by nature. It's evolutionary biology and psychology. So instead of another WOMBAT talking to her parents, let her lose big time at pre-trial and go educate yourself about evo psych. Practical Female Psychology, The Rational Male, The Blank Slate or most anything by David Bus is a good starting point. IMO The Rational Male has the most practical analysis and breakdown.

Something else you haven't considered: Expect an 11th hour agreement on the courthouse steps. It's a long walk up the courthouse steps, and the fear, uncertainty and doubt about a stranger in robes making life-altering decisions on her behalf is sometimes enough for her to be rational long enough to make a reasonable deal.

Old-Macaroon8148 · 2024-03-29T13:54:59+00:00

I wouldn’t. Thats a clear sign of weakness and since she’s in full vindictive mode it’ll only make her squeeze you more since she knows it’s working.

Set a trial date and stand your ground. I know the wasted money hurts unfortunately it’s how it goes. There is light at the end of the tunnel and it’ll end eventually.

Title	Will this backfire? Thinking about asking STBXW'S parents to pls reason with her
Author	intrepid-jellyfish49
Upvotes	7
Comments	22
Date	March 29, 2024 1:23 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1bqp6q1/will_this_backfire_thinking_about_asking_stbxws/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/will-this-backfire-thinking-about-asking-stbxws.1513584 https://theredarchive.com/post/1513584

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