Lying stbxw

captainchippsixx · 2024-04-07T20:15:26+00:00

This is her only play. She is losing on all fronts. You should show no mercy to protect the kids. Don’t do the wait and see what she does approach. I would threaten her with civil suits and criminal charges.

Adventurous_Fact2083 · 2024-04-07T01:54:01+00:00

I was in a similar situation as you. DV, no contact order. I also slapped her with an order of protection. 15 months later I got everything I asked for. Mediator set a fire under her ass. Delete all social media and be ready for interrogatories. When my lawyer walked into mediation the first thing she said is this is going to court. Another $10k on retainer fees. $10-$15k for expert witness. My first thought was this bitch isn’t worth another $25k. If you have a good mediator then settle outside of court. Court is freaking expensive and ask yourself. Is this bitch worth that amount of money to go to court? At the end of the day you deserve better and she will end up in the trash where she belongs. Right next to mine. Know your worth bro.

Seemedlikefun · 2024-04-06T21:22:22+00:00

Get a guardian ad litem.

Dramatic_Sun_4947 · 2024-04-06T15:35:04+00:00

Don't give an inch and stick to that.

wisstinks4 · 2024-04-06T04:40:38+00:00

Sounds like a good example how a person can meltdown when the marriage breaks - destroys the family, destroying her life and now she wants to destroy others. This is dangerous. Be safe. I hope it doesn’t end in anyone losing their life. She needs mental health help.

Old-Macaroon8148 · 2024-04-06T01:06:23+00:00

Stand your ground. Picture her as the toddler having a fit she’s acting like. I was shellshocked for the first 4 months of my divorce process, the demands and threats scared me shitless. Then, I realized how ridiculous the whole thing was. We would receive some stupid demand and I would literally laugh out loud at it. In the end she got wrecked and threw a temper tantrum in front of three lawyers. It was a beautiful moment.

Ignore the abuse allegations, tons of perfectly decent men get accused of all sorts of stuff in an effort to scare you into an unfair deal. The lawyers and judges have heard the same exact story hundreds of times it’s literally the most predictable playbook ever yet they seem to think it works.

Again, stand your ground it’s all a bluff. Unfortunately a very expensive one but there’s nothing you can do if she’s going to be a psycho.

Ptsdveterannavy · 2024-04-06T00:37:47+00:00

You need to grey rock her. Whatever she says or do or ask for, try responding with "Ok" that's it. You have your documentation, and that's all you need. Cut off communication via txt or calls and once in court ask the judge to order in the Decree a court ordered contact point for communications regarding the kids. It's ok to be pissed by her demands and lies, you know she's going to do it and she knows it's going to piss you off. As I said from now on just respond with "Ok" that's going to pass her off because she is waiting to argue. Nope just say "Ok" that's like putting Holy oil on a demon.....

dday_throwaway3 · 2024-04-05T22:58:14+00:00

You need to stop being so emotional. You can't control her behavior.
You can only control your response to her behavior. Asking for the sun, the moon and the stars during mediation is just a tactic. Learn how to say "no", or during mediation "let's see what the judge says".

95% of divorces are finalized before trial. Even with an irrational STBXW, it's a long walk up the courthouse steps. You can expect an 11th hour deal outside of the courtroom if it comes to that.

Focus on your upcoming mediation. Here are tips that have worked well for hundreds of men:

Tip #1 - Write down what you want to cover in mediation. You don't have to show it to anyone, probably your attorney, but write it down. All the little details about minor issues, etc. Start with what is most important and end with the minor stuff.

Tip #2 - Keep an open mind and plan to give up something. Listen to the mediator and let them do their job. It is the mediator's job to dispose of all issues. If that's not possible, it is their job to make a partial settlement.

Tip #3 - Set up your X for failure. Mom can't stop drinking? Make sure that you have the agreement state that the parents won't drink around the kids. The issues can be anything - education, tardiness, child exchanges, child care, whatever. If you have an area of concern and there is a measurable way to determine a violation, get it in the agreement. It is very nice to include an automatic result for her bad actions. She's more than 15 minutes late to a child exchange? She loses her next 3 days of parenting time. You get the idea.

Tip #4 - STFU. Mediation isn't about being fair, its about getting the best outcome. Often, in the heat of things, stuff gets missed and lots of times its in your favor. Pay attention and keep your mouth shut. Stay on focus and think before you speak. When reading the final agreement, don't say stuff like: "Hey, I agreed to pay 80% of the out of pocket costs, and you've got me paying 20%. You got the terms former wife and former husband mixed up." Just think before you speak.

Tip #5 - When you do speak, stay positive Instead of saying, "She's drunk half the time when she's driving the kids around", say something like: "I'm concerned with the children riding in the car when the driver has been drinking. I'd like our agreement to state that each parent will abstain from alcohol at least 8 hours before driving the children." Don't use negative words and don't accuse your enemy of bad stuff unless its absolutely necessary. During my own mediation I said something like: "I would like to take the responsibility for doing X" instead of "STBX doesn't ever come through when we do this."

Tip #6 - Its ok to agree to disagree. If you're at an impasse, you may find that suggesting to move on is useful. If she insists on you paying 85% of your income in child support, you might want to say: "It looks like we won't agree on this issue. I'm comfortable with taking this item to the judge. Can we move on?" This does two things: 1) It lets the other side know you're not going to give in, and are willing to roll the dice with the judge. 2) It free's up time to talk about other things. If you get at least one thing agreed upon, you've been partially successful.

Tip #7 - Read it twice.I have mediated successfully 2 times, and each time there is some kind of typo or something missed that you discussed and agreed to. Take notes and compare them with the agreement. This will become law to you and you need to make sure its right.

Lastly, understand this: The mediator has one job -- to obtain an agreement. They achieve that by leaning on the weaker party. So don't be the weaker party.

EnvironmentalAd3558 · 2024-04-05T22:55:48+00:00

If demands are unreasonable, just ask that it be set for trial as soon as possible.

pikohina · 2024-04-05T22:54:20+00:00

Looks like she’s in violation of the no contact order (unless her lawyer sent that list).

Besides that, she can demand all she wants. She’s desperate and likely thinks strong-arming is going to scare you. Ignore and stick to your lawyer’s advice. Your kids are going to need extra help to survive this trauma, make sure they get it.

Title	Lying stbxw
Author	organicwilly
Upvotes	18
Comments	30
Date	April 5, 2024 10:37 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1bwvdzx/lying_stbxw/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/lying-stbxw.1514155 https://theredarchive.com/post/1514155

Comments