It’s done.

howlscastle2457 · 2024-05-15T08:13:30+00:00

It takes hell lotnof time for neurochemicals to settle down, so just give some time and get occupied, sport, no alcohol or drug and friend family support. You Will get through this shit show like other ppl

A_Single_Man_ · 2024-05-14T17:13:49+00:00

Congratulations on your first real step forward divorce is much harder then many think and I am wishing you all the best in every step you take from here.

SuperConfused40 · 2024-05-14T13:43:19+00:00

Read the book, "no more mr nice guy".

You need to figure out what you want.

It's a rollercoaster. Take at least a year before you start dating again. Focus only on yourself and healing, starting hobbies you enjoy or just try new stuff.

Stay strong.

Old-Macaroon8148 · 2024-05-13T20:50:31+00:00

Don’t rush into another relationship. You need to learn from this instead of rushing head on into another disaster.

Safe-Fennel4485 · 2024-05-13T18:31:30+00:00

"Yet she tells me I need to improve on but doesn't outline what I need to improve on".

We've all been there. The reasons that she claimed to be divorcing you , are irrelevant now. Even if we take those reasons at face value (which I highly doubt).

You'll realize this in time as you navigate post divorce and talk with other guys. But...the vast, vast majority of women divorce cuz their bored/are looking for new D. It doesn't matter what hoop you tried to jump through. She would've just changed the goal posts.

adventure_junkie67 · 2024-05-13T17:34:20+00:00

Please don't chase "her thoughts on how you can improve" You will NEVER fill that space and she will simply find new things you should do or criticize your method of solving past issues. The relationship is over. Focus on who YOU want to be, move forward with your own personal improvement items and then find that person who appreciates who YOU are, faults and all. You are in charge of who you want to be. Good luck. Took me 46 years to figure this out.

ElderberrySuper3659 · 2024-05-13T17:18:59+00:00

...and do not get attached to anyone. Get comfortable with who you are alone first.

ElderberrySuper3659 · 2024-05-13T17:18:06+00:00

Keep moving and do anything you can to take your mind off of your situation. Working in a food pantry literally turned my life around after my divorce.

Get help. Seriously. Try individual and group therapy.

DivorceRecoveryMen · 2024-05-13T14:07:16+00:00

Do the 'me' thing for a while and work on yourself. Finding someone else soon is not a good solution. Time to figure out who you are and go from there. Counseling, therapy groups and/or just friends can be a great starting point to healing.

Competitive_Act_868 · 2024-05-13T05:21:48+00:00

Time and self reflection will sort out the emotional aspect of it for you but you can do your part by staying out of relationships and building good habits that you hope to keep the rest of your life. Rebuilding your life in a sustainable way that doesn't revolve around women is the only way to protect yourself from someone taking advantage of your situation, and you ending up right back here. If you enter the dating market as a desperate recently divorcee you're either going to get your self esteem destroyed or taken advantage of. Don't do that.

On the lonely front, one thing that really worked for me was continuing to meet new people, but setting a clear boundary that I was only interested in friendship, and that I did even not want to have sex. This prevents you from being the weird depressed lonely guy that doesn't leave his house, and simultaneously you'll find that most women will either not believe you anyway, or they will disregard those boundaries completely and try to 7D chess their way into intimacy. "We should go out dancing tonight!! "I'll pick you up, and its ok if we're too drunk you can stay at my place afterward hehe!'.

You get the best of both worlds. Time to heal, you don't have to do the monkey dance while pursuing new connections and relationships, and meanwhile inevitably some of the women that you have met and made genuine platonic connections with will eventually want to pursue something more with you.

Sacramentardo · 2024-05-13T04:46:28+00:00

Don’t rush into anything. Rebound relationships are seldom healthy. Work on yourself. Once you’re happy, healthy, and healed, then you’re ready to date. Pursue your hobbies, work out, hike, paint. Visit museums, travel, be the person your 20 year old self would want you to be, then date.

NanceARK · 2024-05-13T02:47:30+00:00

Just my advice but it would be wise to heal alone for a while. You don’t want to bleed on someone that didn’t cut you. Don’t hop into another relationship right away as it may lead to more harm than good. You will know when you’re ready again.

Now saying that someone may come along that just kickstarts that for you. Only you can truly know your own heart!

Plenty-Entertainer71 · 2024-05-13T01:54:19+00:00

Dude slow down and live life a little why waste your time with someone else again after what happened? Another reason not to get married again. Women always want something better, work on yourself be the best u can and never make the same mistake again

Title	It’s done.
Author	postmortictian
Upvotes	20
Comments	15
Date	May 13, 2024 1:26 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1cqneu5/its_done/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/its-done.1518361 https://theredarchive.com/post/1518361

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