Insecure about fiancé meeting my gorgeous new friend

PokemonJohto · 2024-05-15T14:54:21+00:00

He literally said he's not attracted to her, but you made a whole post about how he should be. Yes you are insecure and you created this whole scenario about it. Drop it, it's a you problem. If it's affecting you that much then don't have him meet her.

Hot_Blacksmith_3404 · 2024-05-15T19:18:34+00:00

This is pretty weird.

Stop commenting on other women’s appearances (good or bad) to your man. It’s weird, broadcasts your insecurities and puts him in a weird position.
If you’re concerned about it, then don’t invite him out with you guys. Keep girls nights as girls nights. There’s no reason for him to join a girls night. Once in a while double dates are fun, but bringing your man out for girl time is kinda weird and unnecessary.
You can’t count on always being the hottest girl in the room. It’s just not possible, no matter how gorgeous you are. You need to find a way to trust that your fiance isn’t with you because you’re the hottest girl he’s ever seen, and him seeing or being around another hot person won’t make him change his mind about you. Especially as you age, and your body changes with kids etc. this mindset will torture you.

Ok_Outside149 · 2024-05-15T15:34:07+00:00

Do you… do you fancy your friend? Why have you dissected how she looks and how men will like her like this? I have friends way more attractive than me and I’ve never had any of these thoughts. He’s even said he’s not attracted to her, I’m not sure what else you want from him. They don’t have to meet if you don’t want them to either. Do it. Or don’t. Just stop making a massive deal about it lol. Stop asking him about her and looking at her profile with him

akitty247 · 2024-05-15T14:05:55+00:00

This may be controversial. But I am of the nature that my friends are my friends. My husband doesn’t need to know them. He can be aware of them but my friends and husband are not hanging out. I don’t have many friends anyway but I have always kept the golden rule of friends. Family. Relationships and work being separate. When you mix then you can be left with a mess. In my opinion men and women can never treat be friends bc they’re will always be an element of attraction.

Jenneapolis · 2024-05-15T16:41:06+00:00

OP I hope you are seeing the common thread that runs between this and all your posts. Obsessing about things that aren’t problems, insecurity, over focused on looks…

You risk driving your man away with all of this.

colors_are_nice · 2024-05-15T20:32:26+00:00

The only advice here is to work on your life altering insecurities before bringing these issues to your man. It has nothing to do with your man or your friend. I know it's hard but you'll live a much more fulfilling life and be a better partner once you can work to move past these things.

SparklyPotato-P · 2024-05-16T03:37:04+00:00

Girl…Please stop ruminating over this so much, you’re going to drive yourself crazy (And risk driving your fiancé away). Men are not as superficial as you would think (yes there are certain men who are but your man doesn’t seem the type anyway) Also it is quite rude for you to be judging your man’s friends like this. Now I say this in good faith and I hope you don’t overthink on this but if by chance they do find her so so so attractive, they will not gush about her in front of you. Most men have tact and decency. You cannot control anyone’s behaviour but your own.

Now even if your man sees her (and finds her attractive which he won’t as he literally assured you), he’s not going to immediately be like “I’m going to leave you and be with HER” *cue telenovela music*. That’s ridiculous behaviour. It’s human nature to find some people more attractive than others. For example, occasionally I will see a man (other than my partner) and I will be like oh wow he’s very handsome (and society in general might deem him more attractive than my man) but my partner is the light of my life and even if he was “physically inferior”, he’s still so so gorgeous to me. Because people are more than their bodies (like you even said).

Also, stop comparing yourself with your friend like this. This is so hurtful to your friend. I would be terribly hurt if I was the cause of my friend’s pain and negative thoughts (also have my appearance scrutinised like this). Don’t put your friend on a pedestal, she isn’t a beautiful goddess that people will bow down to. She is just a human, who has flaws and insecurities, who is your good friend.

kittykat2002__ · 2024-05-15T14:39:43+00:00

Weird post. Also, it doesn’t mean you have a “superior body type”, most men like thinner women. You can’t be friend with someone if you’re that insecure honestly, it’s hypocrite.

2024-05-15T22:17:03+00:00

and they would 100% be talking about how hot she is

That would be rude and unethical imo of your fiance to say with his friend

DarlinggD · 2024-05-15T15:27:11+00:00

Ridiculous

Accomplished-Bet8945 · 2024-05-15T22:38:53+00:00

Stop worrying. Your husband has expressed that he's not attracted to her, you know you are more of his type and you trust this girl would never cross that line and try to do anything inappropriate with your husband. I have a beautiful friend I met in college. She has the sweetest aura and has a very sweet, pure beauty. I cannot tell you how many times I'd admire her smile and generally say to myself, "wow, isn't she just the prettiest?". Well I had no worries introducing her to my boyfriend at the time because the man worshiped me and I knew for a fact I was his type. My friend isn't one to want anyone else's man so I had no insecurities about it. Be secure. Know that beautiful women are all over the place and he's seeing them in his vicinity whether you like it or not. You hiding one from him makes no difference. Stop with this mindset because she might sense it. She's a good friend to you and a good friend is a blessing. And learn to trust your husband

Morphiadz · 2024-05-16T20:39:08+00:00

There are two things that could be at play here.

You're insecure about yourself, more than you let on.
He has a wandering eye or you have some reason to think he'd be interested or attracted to another woman.

Both of these are bad.

AutoModerator · 2024-05-15T13:50:17+00:00

Title: Insecure about fiancé meeting my gorgeous new friend

Author Optimal-You-8238

Full text: Hello all,

I (25F) moved to a new city about a year ago and it’s only now that I started making new friends. I am in southern Europe (of Hispanic origin) and have recently become friends with this girl from Northern Europe. I definitely have a bit of a halo effect from her. She has a gorgeous face, is very sweet and kind and we have such a good time together. I believe she feels the same way about me, as we in general really like each other and have a good time together.

She is the same age as me and has a very Northern Europe look and gets tons of attention where I am as she really stands out. Interestingly, she says I am more the standard of beauty in her country (dark hair and eyes, curvy body, etc). So I think this is why we both admire ea other.

I’ve had plenty of experiences being the hotter friend in the group and dealing with other jealous girls, and so I would never do that to someone given that I’ve experienced it. She doesn’t make me feel threatened when it’s just us and people are commenting on her beauty, and if anything I celebrate it and like I said just genuinely like her and would never make her feel bad or anything.

Here’s the thing. I’ve been asking my bf to come out with us, bc 1) she’d like to meet him and 2) I just have so much fun w her that I believe he’d fun as well with all of us together (it would not be just him, he’d bring a guy friend). Given that this girl is my age and my fiancé and his friends are older (mid to late 30s), he’s expressed that he’d just do it for me and isn’t something he’d necessarily do otherwise as he isn’t really into going out much at night in general (which I get and have limited my own as well). Mainly because he got it out of his system in his 20s.

Anyway I’ve expressed to him how gorgeous she is and he has said he doesn’t find her that attractive but I know he’s saying it my insecurities would get the best of me otherwise. In general I’m much more his type as he is into curvy/fit latinas over very thin blue-eyed types, but her sweetness and gorgeousness will inevitably affect any man. I know he’s with me for far more than my looks and that there are far more beautiful women out there regardless, but I still cannot help but feel insecure about them meeting. Especially when thinking about men’s love for freshness and a variety, and she has a very round feminine ine face which he loves. Mine is more angular-ish (I guess in the middle).

I’m also insecure because the friend that he would bring is single and a bit of a player and they would 100% be talking about how hot she is, and I’d def overhear or notice and just wanna die. This is once again nothing regarding her and I think it’s stupid to prevent them from meeting because of my insecurities. I guess I just find her so superior to me even though it’s likely in my head as I get lots of attention as her. It’s just I find her so beautiful face wise, and I’m only superior body wise because she’s very flat in general.

One day we were look at her profile out of curiosity and we saw that her ex is now dating a latin girl (who’s nowhere as beautiful) and he said he likes her better as well, but he’s legit saying that to make me feel better or lie to himself.

Any advice? Especially if you’ve been in a similar situation? Thanks

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newhusky · 2024-05-16T15:46:58+00:00

Hey girl, I completely understand where you are coming from and have had the same feelings as you before-concerns of my boyfriend meeting beautiful women, especially ones who will be there on a regular basis. Since men are visual & them being attracted to our friends is not uncommon (have heard this from several men), I’m not sure why the other posters on here are trying to convince you that you’re crazy. Your feelings are completely valid. What might help is to have them meet but only hang out once or twice a year (maybe at gatherings) so some distance is maintained between them which will help keep your mental health at peace.

Simple_Basket_8224 · 2024-05-20T05:29:00+00:00

I used to feel like you in high school, it was exhausting, so exhausting and it put strain on my relationship. I used to ask my ex all the time if he thought other girls were pretty. Don’t do that. God, I wish I could go back in time and shake myself silly. It makes men uncomfortable when you ask them questions like that, just like it would make you anxious and uncomfortable if they started asking you if you found other men hot. They can tell you are anxiously asking these questions and it makes them anxious in turn because they know that you are expecting some very specific answer & it is stressful because if they answer wrong you’ll have an insecure meltdown. Been there, done that and it did not create any feeling of security in me, it just made me painfully paranoid.

Point is, there’s lot of attractive people in the world. I realize it really doesn’t matter if my partner shows a flicker of attraction for somebody else. Beauty is beauty whether it’s in a person, an art piece, a beautiful scenic backdrop. We gravitate towards it, notice it and move on, at least any respectable man would.

Title	Insecure about fiancé meeting my gorgeous new friend
Author	Optimal-You-8238
Upvotes	17
Comments	44
Date	May 15, 2024 1:50 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1cslapp/insecure_about_fiancé_meeting_my_gorgeous_new/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/insecure-about-fiance-meeting-my-gorgeous-new.1518556 https://theredarchive.com/post/1518556

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