I've only been dating online so not sure about the nuances of cold approach but I've been wondering if a well thought out or gimmicky opener is necessarily better vs one that is just not generic.

Bad openers would include things like: (Hi, What's up, You're so hot, Wanna smash?) But we're not going to talk about those.

I'm talking about non-generic openers like a question or comment on something in their pictures, or a cold-read about their personality or likes/dislikes. These are typically quick to come up with, you can come up with something in less than 5-10 seconds provided the profile is not entirely basic.

The alternative would be using an more detailed well thought-out opener that takes several minutes+ to come up with or a generic hook that forces a response like:

  • I have a question
  • Don't hate me for asking this
  • I must know this thing about you
  • Do you want to know why I swiped on you
  • I have a secret to tell you

My rationale is that, sure these openers are more likely to illicit a response, both the generic hooks and more detailed time-consuming openers. But in the end, if they are not that interested in your profile, the conversation won't go much further and you won't really meet up.

This is primarily from my own experience. Sometimes I get openers that I am enticed to respond to, but I actually won't ever meet up with that person because I don't really find them attractive. I might also keep chatting with them for a bit to be "polite" but in hindsight, it was a waste of time for both of us. I'm sure this happens when I open people too, as they may respond to the hook, but that's about it. I would also argue that for the cases where hooks convert to dates, the hook was likely not the main reason, they were going to be interested in going on a date regardless.

Obviously, you can argue that there's always a chance - a more well thought out opener is probably better than a simple one in terms of securing a response or anything happening. But I am also considering what is the most efficient use of time. Both the well thought out openers and generic hooks are a waste of time & energy if the conversation doesn't end up going anywhere.

As a screening tool for people that are actually interested in you, a non-generic but simple and quick opener is better than a more detailed time consuming one or one that relies on tricks and gimmicks to get them to respond.

In the end, obviously more effort typically beats out less effort provided everything else equal and if we are not considering costs, but we generally have other things in life to worry about so efficient use of time is a valid consideration. It would be like writing a detailed cover letter for each job application, which technically is a best practice but a very inefficient use of time.

For hitting on attractive women specifically, they generally get a lot of attention online and at clubs/bar, so I can see the merit of using a hook just to get their attention temporarily, but the conversion rate is probably abysmal. I would argue that for ones you are able to convert with a hook, you probably didn't need to use a hook. It can certainly get your foot in the door, but the analogy here is like using clickbait to get attention. Not the best way to get people that are genuinely interested in you.