Why aren't women attracted to men the same way men are to women?

pinkpugita · 2024-05-29T03:25:11+00:00

You're conflating attraction to the willingness of women to have sex. Women can be attracted to average men, but without trust, it may not be worth it to have sex due to safety risks and possibility of pregnancy. Men just have less to lose by engaging in riskier sexual behaviour.

The world is harsher on women's apperances, not men. There are more average-looking men in Hollywood than women. Men can look normal, but women have to look attractive no matter what. Even in zombie movies or post apocalypse settings, the female characters have shaved brows, shaved legs and armpits, moisturized lips, and curled eyelashes.

No_Juggernaut_14 · 2024-05-29T05:23:15+00:00

Men spend their whole teenage years being brainwashed by images that sexualize the female form, being fed narratives about sexual conquests and being encouraged to fantasize over an endless stream of bodies or body parts. The result is many men who are sexually responsive to almost every woman that they can spend some seconds looking at. Which doesn't sound much like attraction and more like a dysregulated sexual response, IMO. The average sexual script with PIV is likely to result in an orgasm for a man. A man generally doesn't have to worry about getting hurt if a woman suddenly decides to get rough during sex. Many of the most popularly represented sexual acts put men in a powerful, dominant, controlling and virile position.

Women aren't fed the same brainwashing imagery. Our sexual attraction tends to develop in a much more natural and personal way. We get to develop actual nuanced tastes and not a pavlovian response to the sight of skin and some any fuzzy male shape. And then there's the fact that being sexually attracted to the average man isn't safe, because of the way many men behave. On top of that, with experience we learn that most sexual encounters with average men are just shitty. Often the sexual acts and positions that men are willing/skilled to do will make him orgasm and leave her hanging. Many of the most popular sexual acts put women in vulnerable and submissive positions that are widely seen by men as degrading. Besides that, we soon enough find that men are attracted to basically any average woman - which can makes us feel like interchangeable flashlights. Many women would find the phrase "I as a man do not need any context to find an average woman sexually arousing" kinda disgusting, like you are some kind of undiscerning horndog walking around getting aroused by basically every woman that crosses your path. Finally, while women spend a good amount of time looking their best and actively making themselves more sexy, most men don't put in even a third of the effort.

At the end of the day, even for women who are attracted to a wide array of men, to actually act on such attraction doesn't make sense for the majority of them. It's likely to be unfulfilling, unsafe and even demeaning.

So I ask you: why? Why would women be "attracted to men the same way men are to women"?

FellasImSorry · 2024-05-29T03:41:19+00:00

Where do you even get this stuff? It’s so weird.

PureFlames · 2024-05-29T05:26:21+00:00

People say this online but from my experience in real life i feel like its the opposite. Men only like attractive girls where as women like average guys as well

Justwannaread3 · 2024-05-29T03:27:28+00:00

Why doesn’t attraction work for most men the way it works for most women?

Men seem to have an immediate ‘hot or not’ gauge that won’t let them develop sexual or physical attraction based on other attributes, even though we all know that attraction based on emotional or mental chemistry while physical chemistry grows later is the real attraction and is so much more genuine than what men feel.

Obviously, all male attraction is reserved for Stacies — just look at the way women who are fat or flat are talked about online. The behavior we see from all men all the time tells us that the male gaze is incredibly superficial.

If you think that sounds fucking absurd, so does what you wrote.

xvszero · 2024-05-29T05:38:35+00:00

Here is the correct answer: you're wrong.

HelenHavok · 2024-05-29T03:13:49+00:00

There are a whole lot of assumptions here not supported by any evidence.

Tenagaaaa · 2024-05-29T06:01:31+00:00

Meet more women lmao. In my experience women are hornier than men by a mile.

agreable_actuator · 2024-05-29T03:31:25+00:00

What planet do you live on? You don’t seem to be from around here. Here on planet Earth I see attractive women with ugly men every day. But if your head is stuck in Uranus maybe things appear different there.

If you can get your head out of Uranus, suggest maybe you look closer to home for your answers. Maybe Stop worrying about all men and all women and focus on what you want out of life for yourself and what steps you can take to get there.

Suggest you consider that complaining about all women as a group is probably not a winning strategy for forming a positive loving relationship with a member of that group.

Indeed, you may want to consider all your ruminating, brooding, over analysis and philosophizing to be more of a problem than a solution.

SufficientDot4099 · 2024-05-29T03:23:57+00:00

Let's say hypothetically that women are attracted to 10% of men. That 10% would be a different group of men for each woman. There is so much variation among different women on what they find attractive. So an average man could be very attractive to a woman if he fits her type.

GotThaAcid5tab · 2024-05-29T07:21:18+00:00

The internets amazing isn’t it

Dramatic-Mastodon-39 · 2024-05-29T08:02:03+00:00

Women aren’t as sexual as Men. Women do find average Men attractive but doesn’t mean she wants to have sex with him… Men will have sex with anything. Literally anything. Women don’t, because Women risk way more when it comes to sex.

Women at least have to to vet the man they are sleeping with, build some form of trust and emotional connection then be intimate with a Man.

IrishShee · 2024-05-29T07:53:53+00:00

It’s weird that you’re complaining about women needing an emotional connection to find a man attractive because I would MUCH rather my male partner need to have an emotional connection to a woman to find her attractive than be drooling over every woman we walk past in the street because he’s able to see her in a sexual way.

The “small percentage of men” you talk about isn’t the same group of men getting sex from all the women, it’s that women are only attracted to a small group of men, but the men that make the cut will entirely depend on her personal preference and will look very different woman to woman. In my friends group for example, our most attractive celebs range from chris hemsworth to adam driver to brian molko to jason momoa.

Conversely, I would guess that because of social conditioning, the “top 10% of women” would probably be almost exactly the same women for most men.

NailFar1702 · 2024-05-29T08:12:53+00:00

If all it took was being on the top 10% of attractive men, don't you think women would consume as much porn as men do ? Desire just don't work like that for a lot of us, so we usually turn to books like twilight/50 shade of grey etc... Because those books explore the psychological aspect of desire and its much more of a turn on than porn completely devoided of any plot.

Even among men, not all of them are animals. Some would find it unfulfilling and would rather have a connection with the person they are sleeping with. For others, a body is a body. They even had to stop hiring men at the morgue entirely because of often those men where caught "using" the bodies.

So I would say most women don't lust after men in the street. That doesn't mean we don't find them attractive. It's just that the physical aspect, the emotional aspect and the psychological aspect all need to be in synch for it to happen :

Emotional connection is like the salt that make food teste better. You wouldn't eat salt alone don't you ? Yet food without salt is tasteless. Same with men. I wouldn't be interested in someone JUST because of the emotional connection if I don't find them attractive. But them just being attractive without having an emotional connection isn't enough.

The more complex aspect is the psychological aspect. It's about creating a mood, an atmosphere, feeling some tension in the air between us before we even touch each other. I think that's the aspect a lot of men in long term relationships fail to understand. At the beginning of a relationship, they want to seduce their partner so they are naturally playful, flirtatious, charismatic...But as time goes on they feel like "now that I got her, I don't need to seduce her anymore". Wrong ! You need to keep seducing your girl, give her compliment, be smooth, flirt, be playful, surprise her, take her out etc to keep the spark going (and of course she should reciprocate as well).

And for all the lazy me who think that's too much to ask : if you don't have time and energy for seduction game you shouldn't have time and energy for sex either.

tinyhermione · 2024-05-29T12:22:54+00:00

For me personally I don’t feel sexual attraction unless there’s a romantic spark and a sense of connection. Even if the guy is hot.

That doesn’t mean I feel less desire, just that my desire is more laser focused on men I have romantic feelings for.

It’s a different way to be sexual. Does it mean you are less sexual? No. Is it worse? No. Does it mean the 80/20 thing is true? Not in the slightest. Guys I have felt a romantic connection with have often not been popular with women, but just guys who were sorta my type and who were on my wavelength.

AssistTemporary8422 · 2024-05-29T04:47:57+00:00

I feel like when it comes to genuine physical/sexual attraction, men feel that for most women and women don't for most men.

Agreeing with you so far. The cost of reproduction for women is much higher than for men because women give birth and are the primary caregivers for children. As a result women are a lot more selective about their mates than men are.

There's a reason why the majority of hookups are being had by a small percentage of men.

Its also unclear how many of these men are just average guys who do a lot of initiating. One guy I knew who was a sex addict was straight up below average but he got laid because he had no standards. And from the statistics I've seen a small percentage of women are doing hookups too.

People here frequently talk about women having to feel emotionally connected to average men in order to desire them sexually and that to me just kinda further proves what I'm saying.
All female sexual attraction is concentrated at a select few men

You just contradicted yourself. Are women able to be sexually attracted to average men or not?

I as a man do not need any context to find an average woman sexually arousing. I don't know any man that would. Also seeing how women talk about men like Jacob Elordi, it's clear women are capable of being aroused by someone based how they look.

Women are incredible picky about even these celebrities too and I've seen some women say Jacob Elordi and other conventionally attractive celebrities aren't attractive to them. Women just have these emotionally driven niche physical preferences where they find some average guys hot and disagree a lot on body type, facial hair, hair length, race, height, and style. And there are many women for whom looks really isn't much of a factor in their attraction. For most women simply being physically attractive isn't enough and they still need that emotional connection you keep complaining about. This is why the vast majority of women in relationships are with regular dudes and why the vast majority of men get into relationships.

seventeenflowers · 2024-05-29T10:00:31+00:00

You are correct that most women are only attracted to a small amount of the top men, but here’s the thing: what one woman considers the “top men” is completely different from other women.

For example, I’m a woman and I wouldn’t date someone taller than me or who makes a lot more money than me, that would make me feel like a child and I wouldn’t like that. What matters most to me is emotional control and a shared basic worldview (ex. I won’t date religious people, I will never hit my kids, racism is unacceptable.)

I consider people who fit into this category to be the top like 5% of people. But my best friend would hate to date the people I like, and would prefer to date Asian guys who are really into sports. Another one of my friends only dates starving artist types (both in physique and income).

We all consider our preferences to be the “top men”.

HelenHavok · 2024-05-29T13:14:59+00:00

Men are not more sexual than women. Women are just conditioned from an early age to be more cautious in who they sleep with (and who they tell) due to societal views around purity and promiscuity, as well as safety, pregnancy, etc.

Studies on the number of lifetime sexual partners by gender in western countries return different results that vary from 4-12 partners on average, but according to a recent survey of the US, UK, and Europe, women had an average of 7 partners, while men had 8. A CDC study of people under 44yo found women had 4.2 partners and men had 6.1. What you’re seeing in the data is not a huge disparity in sexual partners by gender.

Anecdotally, I have seen two relationships fail because the woman wanted much more sex than the man. I only know one relationship where the man was feeling unfulfilled because his wife wasn’t as interested as him. In addition to these, I’ve been in two long term relationships where I clearly had the higher appetite for sex. At my bachelorette party last year, at least two women reported body counts of over 100 and another was in the 50s. These people are well-balanced, successful and educated women without “daddy issues” or whatever that are happily married now. You would never guess they had so many partners. They just enjoy sex, are attracted to men, and are less constrained by negative societal views of promiscuous women.

Your ideas are just not grounded in reality and I would really scrutinize any sources that are saying this stuff.

Title	Why aren't women attracted to men the same way men are to women?
Author	dogickker
Upvotes	0
Comments	26
Date	May 29, 2024 3:10 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/1d32c8h/why_arent_women_attracted_to_men_the_same_way_men/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/why-arent-women-attracted-to-men-the-same-way-men.1519889 https://theredarchive.com/post/1519889

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