Men who made it to the other side of this with teenage kids.. Please post your stories.. I need to hear them..

No_Pace2396 · 2024-06-20T07:41:54+00:00

I’m in the middle of it all with teen kids. Ex locked me out of the house and has waged a scorched earth divorce. As part of that she’s driven a wedge between me and the kids, from purposefully making drop offs awful to using the dog as leverage, buying them all they want, it only stops short of something so egregious that it would be provable. Based on what little I get from therapists and GAL and kids, she’s telling them the story she’s telling the court. The GAL and therapist did nothing more than ask kids what they wanted—live with wealthy mom in your house with all your stuff or with dad in an airbnb. Not, why don’t you want to see your dad, and where did you get those ideas? Nope. GAL told me, in confidential mediation, that if I didn’t accept less than 50-50 she would go to the judge and recommend state minimum or less. They are old enough to decide, so it doesn’t matter much, but when ex’s lawyer squawked about child support not being due for me because I wasn’t exercising my parent time, the judge didn’t even ask why or if I was, she just said child support follows the child and we’re going to fix that. She didn’t even look at me.

My standard disclaimer that I have to include because it’s everybody’s first question: there isn’t something I’m not telling you. I was SAHD for 7 years, dinner on the table and taking the kids to school. No infidelity, drugs, gambling, just typical simp until the day I had the audacity to stand up to her. That was my worst transgression, and I am paying for it. Holding on as long as I can hoping one day kids see what she did. Not hopeful, but what else can you do?

Mattythrowaway85 · 2024-06-20T03:50:53+00:00

It's going to be horrific man. No way around it. I did everything I could to lessen the pain, and my sons are fucked up. My oldest is in a deep depression from it all. Sorry, I just don't think you're going to get around not fucking them up. Please ensure that when you do this you get them into therapy.

Oh, and my ex used me trying to lessen the blow to my sons against me. She was able to sneak off and move over three hours away. I only get to see them once a month if I'm lucky enough to get off work.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I recommend fighting and not letting your ex take advantage of your kindness for your children, and I'd seek counseling very soon for those children to help them cope. Lastly, I would also recommend seeking counseling as well. I lost about three years to dark depression. Take care of your mental health..

ramboton · 2024-06-20T02:17:16+00:00

Mine are a little older at 20 years old, but living at home and going to college. Twin girls. My girls actually encourage me to leave my wife. I actually talked her in to leaving and getting her own apartment. I considered divorce earlier but I am glad I waited because I have a fantastic relationship with my girls. They do not miss mom and do not feel sorry for her.

cschoonmaker · 2024-06-19T23:09:28+00:00

My son and daughter were 8 & 12 respectively. We were HS boy/girlfriend. Together for 24 years, married for 19 of them. Had all the same ups/downs of any normal marriage. She never complained about being unhappy. Never said anything about things being wrong between us. Then one day decides she doesn't want to be married anymore. At least not to me. We were living paycheck to paycheck most of the time and she knew I wouldn't fight her on the Divorce part if that's what she truly wanted. Asked about marriage counseling and she emphatically said no. We agreed to make things as easy and as low cost as possible without involving lawyers. We were grown ups, shouldn't have been that hard. Then she proceeds to show up to our first court date with an Attorney, paid for by her parents (who would eventually regret that decision). Continuously violated the court order to not remove marital property from the shared house until court was done. Court wouldn't enforce anything when I brought it up. I couldn't afford an attorney since I wasn't being bankrolled by mommy and daddy. She also tried to get primary custody and let me have every other weekend visits (because she wanted more CS money).

Divorce went along. She got Spousal Support and child support because she wasn't working. Custody was granted at 50/50 so she lost out there. Kids were with her every Mon-Tues, with me every Wed-TH, and rotated weekends. Because I was no longer available to be her punching bag you can imagine where all that ended up going. On her 18th Birthday my daughter left her moms to live with me permanently 100% of the time. Her brother still had to go back and forth since he was a minor. But now with me AND daughter gone, EW relationship with son went downhill FAST. Within 1.5 years I had her back before the family court petitioning for full custody of my son because of the toll it was taking on his mental health. I was granted primary custody and she was given every other weekend with one VERY important thing added to the new custody agreement. Her visitation would only happen by agreement of my son. If he didn't want to go, he didn't have too and there was nothing she could do to me because of it. He spent the last 2 years before turning 18 with me almost all the time, spending very little with his mother. His mother got re-married right before he graduated HS. So ALL my support payments were terminated nearly at the same time. She then picked up and moved to NV for her new husband to get a job. Both my kids still live with me while they get on their feet in adulthood. Both are in a much better state mentally. My daughter has Zero contact with her mother and hasn't for the last 5-6 years. And my son has gone to see his mother once since she moved. I am better off financially than I used to me and I don't battle depression anymore since the divorce.

Thevinegru2 · 2024-06-19T22:26:14+00:00

I was married 20 years. She dumped me for another dude. I tried to manage the situation but she was pretty insistent on blowing things to hell while trying to maintain her victim status.

She tried booting my oldest out, talking about washing her hands of her. This was only about a month after I moved out. I talked her out of it. She booted her 6 months later. It was all games. I finally agreed to let my daughter go back a few months later but when you escalate shit to that level, you set a precedent. I tried explaining this to her but she didn’t listen and a few months after that my daughter said screw this and left her never to return again. She still lives with me.

A year after that, my son called me from a camping trip at 1am. He walked out of their RV in the middle of the damn night and was picked up by a total stranger. I told him to go back. His mom slapped him. He got angry and was pushing her out the door. My ex’s husband threw a punch. I got an EPO the day I heard this. They denied the punch and we spent a year fighting in court.

Since she lost the oldest two, she love bombed the youngest and got her in the middle of the custody battle that clearly had nothing to do with her. It ended with my youngest not talking to the three of us at all and filing a motion to change her last name. I fought it and won but yeah, my youngest acts like I’m some sort of child abuser. If you saw her list of grievances you would just roll your eyes. And the judge was pretty much like, please get the eff out of my courtroom, to my ex.

So umm yeah…

But I could have told you remaining friends with my ex would be impossible. This woman fights everyone. Defending her in all her battles was exhausting. If you can remain friendly, your family should be fine, though.

Lonely-Reach8748 · 2024-06-19T21:36:50+00:00

Have two not quite teens and the best thing I did was get them into therapy immediately. Gave them an opportunity to speak with someone that wasn’t Mom nor Dad so they could be honest without worrying about hurting either of our feelings. At almost 3 years past, the dog has had a harder time than the kids. It’s important that you are able to show them what a healthy relationship looks like. Doesn’t have to be with their mother

lostpassword100000 · 2024-06-19T21:23:19+00:00

Homes already broken if you’re relationship is so bad you’re at this point. Im remarried and divorcing her was best decision of my life. I’m remarried now to my best friend in the world and we have a connection unlike any my ex and I ever had.

I’m a better father being divorced from their mother. It sucks at first but kids are resilient. Talk to them, be honest. Make sure they’re heard and make sure that you get them some therapy.

Best of luck.

jimsmythee · 2024-06-19T20:46:04+00:00

My daughters were 6 and 8 when I filed for divorce and moved out. The first year was tough. But getting 50-50 custody made it all worth it.

Theyre both in their teens now. My daughters and I are very close. They tell me everything. We do vacations together and they like their stepmom.

I had to divorce their mom, of her disasters would have ended up costing me everything.

AirSailer · 2024-06-19T20:37:34+00:00

They are 12, 14, and 18 and don't deserve a broken home

I'm not sure what this means. One "deserves" something based on their actions, not deserving something implies that there is some action they could take in which they would deserve something. We hear this word used a lot from feminists who say women "deserve" love. Maybe you should look at a divorce from a different angle... Your current marriage is unhealthy, and it is having an unhealthy affect on your children. Divorce will be challenging for them, but ultimately will provide a healthy environment for them to grow into.

TheBoyBand · 2024-06-19T20:25:54+00:00

Mine were 13/14 (boys) when things went down, they see so much more than you think. I used to have your mentality of they “don’t deserve” a broken home, they also didn’t deserve a broken dad, I am so much more happier, healthier, present, I get to define what family is and not that bullshit “family” I was in, we get to dictate our relationship with our kids and it’s not dependant on the mother and what she does or doesn’t do, I make my own schedule, I drive them around, sports, activities, they are teens that are self driven, communicate on their own wants and needs making the egg donor and her boyfriend irrelevant by themselves…allowing me to remain no-contact, man its great I could go on forever, I couldn’t imagine navigating this with toddlers or even 5-6 year olds.

Edit: Im not glossing over how much divorce sucked either, IT SUCKED, I made every classical mistake that could be made including taking her back, it took me about a good two years and a day at a time to heal, get rid of the anger, become indifferent and be better each day.

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