difficulty managing the anxiety

happyjunco · 2024-07-14T05:05:40+00:00

Can I suggest the book Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg, for your sake and peace of mind?

I hear you are anxious and afraid, disappointed and motivated to take your life in your own hands again. Any of that right? I wish you peace and solidarity and new friendships and supports, and love for yourself.

Reflog1791 · 2024-07-08T20:07:45+00:00

Seek to understand the root of the anxiety.

For many, it’s because they are “waiting to get served.” Solution: file for divorce.

Tips to prevent anxiety: set small achievable goals. 50 push-ups in one go is the starting point. Drink more water, eat balanced healthy foods, light yoga/stretching when you wake up, go to bed early (read a book with tea at 830), wake up early and run a mile.

Tips to halt an anxiety attack: lie on your back in the ground and listen to your breath for 5-10 minutes. Do push-ups if that doesn’t work. If you wear yourself out with push-ups the anxiety attack goes away.

Remember this is all temporary as you are under extreme stress. It will come to an end. While you are having an anxiety attack remember it is temporary.

In my experience the best way to long term deal with anxiety is solve your problems. You can’t solve them all today but you can make headway. Prioritize and execute the task at hand.

citizen5001 · 2024-07-08T14:07:29+00:00

Hey man - I’m in exactly the same position (door locks and all)

People keep telling you it gets better and it does, I’m using the cohabiting time to start building a new life now . Focus on doing something positive for you everyday (reach out to old friends, book a class, attend a meet up etc)

Try joining the WhatsApp group for this sub Reddit, loads of helpful guys going through the same thing

black65Cutlass · 2024-07-08T12:52:55+00:00

I am really sorry you are going through this. I was married to a very likely BPD woman. She was manipulative, emotionally and psychologically abusive and an alcoholic. Luckily, I was only married to her for 4 years, I can't imagine living through that for 20. I didn't have any children with my ex-wife, so my divorce was a lot less complicated. It does get better on the other side though, please believe that. Stay strong for your kids but please keep practicing self care, prioritize yourself and your kids. I recommend getting your own therapist if you have not already, it helps.

I am 2 years out from the divorce, still not dating anyone. I am working with my therapist on my own issues that enabled me to put up with the abuse and believe her lies. I don't want to ever be in a relationship like that again. I wish you luck in getting out, I no longer have panic attacks or that constant low-level anxiety that was just there, all the time. It gets better.

Financial-Builder-92 · 2024-07-08T11:54:20+00:00

What you need to do.

Shrug your shoulders and walk away each time she tries to fight! Otherwise, you will be in the drama.
Add Ashwagandha and Magnesium to your daily intake.
Get educated about Narcissism, Youtube Dr. Ramani and The Game Exposed. Narc's know your triggers and you need healthy boundaries.
Set goals for getting out and you need to protect your children.

NewDay0110 · 2024-07-08T05:06:52+00:00

I used to be there where you are at now. You are going through the most difficult phase of the divorce, but it gets better from here. Expect a rough outcome because it's California and you've been married a long time. I just hope she has a well paying job so you can avoid alimony.

My advice to you is to find an attorney you trust who can lead you through the legal process. I'm so blessed with the attorney I had, who I now also consider a friend. Feel free to come here to vent your stress and anxiety. It helps to have a supportive group of people who understand what you are experiencing.

As for your STBXW - just ignore all the nonsense she does. It's game over for her. You can't control her, but you can control your behavior by not reacting. Work on mentally separating from her frame. Learn the gray rock technique. That's a technique of interacting with her in an emotionless manner. No chit chat, no feelings, everything you do from now on with her is carefully calculated business. She will first react with anger and probably try to provoke you in some ways. Don't take the bait. Anything legal let your lawyer handle. Give her nothing to use against you. It's like your Miranda rights: anything you say and do she will use against you in a court of law. So minimize your interactions with her.

Psychological_Art823 · 2024-07-08T03:30:30+00:00

Hey bro,

Look Im pretty much in the same boat. Dealt with massive anxiety that has more recently turned into depression.

First of all Im glad to hear your getting help and trying some meds. Before any of my nasty divorce related stuff went down I never thought Id be in therapy or on meds. Reality is your in a shit situation and need to do everything possible to get yourself through without taking more damage than is needed.

Doing those small things like opening up new accounts and getting things in order is great. I found they helped me to establish a path forward, taking action is always better than sitting around.

Not drinking or using substance is also for the best during the process. If alcohol is your thing taking a break for now seems to be for the best. Particularly if anxiety has become a major issue. The trouble is the rebound effect and building a dependency. Also giving your body a nice break from it too.

I hear what your saying about not being able to concentrate or focus. If your maintaining your job and doing the basics givs yourself credit. Dont dwell on not being at full capacity. Totally relate to binge watching sports too, its a form of escapism. At the start of mine I was watching literally everything. Almost served as a mental break.

One caution here though. Please do not self isolate or stay inside too much. That was probably my biggest downfall so far during the process. Given the shaming and hurtful things that were done to me my natural reaction was to shut down and isolate. This has not helped me at all. Looking back on the last 9 months its probably my biggest regret. You dont need to punish yourself and you dont need to be shamed or feel guilty.

The negative shit your dealing with is not uncommon. Manipulation, mind games, threats and accusations are all part of the game. Often everything can and will be used against you. Lawyers thrive on all this, more drama equals more money for them. Im struggling pretty bad with it, only advise is to practice removing your emotions. Try catch yourself when you can. Im sure others that have completed the process will have more insight.

Its gonna be rough with the kids but just keep in mind they need and love you regardless of everything thats going on.

Ive also dealt with an attempt to destroy my character and make me out to be something im not. Nobody is perfect we have all fucked up and done things less than ideal in our relationships. If you cared for her, didnt cheat and had good intentions you should take comfort in that.

Im wishing you all the best, one struggling friend to another. Its not going to be easy, I know its cliche but really do need to work through this one day and issue at a time. Look after yourself.

Title	difficulty managing the anxiety
Author	Flashy-Excitement247
Upvotes	12
Comments	21
Date	July 8, 2024 3:01 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1dxyfi8/difficulty_managing_the_anxiety/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/difficulty-managing-the-anxiety.1523581 https://theredarchive.com/post/1523581

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