I put off reading "no more mister nice guy", as recommended by many on this sub. Honestly I fell victim to the very mental trap the author describes in chapter 1: I don't want to become a asshole! I was completely wrong. I highly recommend reading this book, as it detailed the exact psychological paradigm of my life. It did not change my mind about divorce, nor did I expect it to. My stbxw will continue to have BPD as far as I'm concerned, and things have been said and done that cannot be forgiven. Nevertheless, this book is about changing you, your attitudes and beliefs, and how you interact with others in your life. It has helped immensely, and I hope for everyone who is suffering with this condition to benefit as I have.