Moms think more about household chores − and this cognitive burden hurts their mental health

Infestedwithnormies · 2024-09-06T02:22:08+00:00

Does that apply to households without mothers or any women at all? For 20yrs I have lived alone & taken care of literally every chore & responsibility and my place is usually far cleaner than any of the women (or men) or even mixed households I know. This is just called being an adult.

Johntoreno · 2024-09-06T04:44:28+00:00

What is your thought?

Male Invisibility, this is a classic case of an issue that affects men just as much and yet they're completely erased from the purview of discussion.

Fuzzy_Department2799 · 2024-09-06T02:18:59+00:00

Emotional labor is a manipulation tool they came up with to try and make men feel guilty for their desire to have everything a certain way.

Beljuril-home · 2024-09-06T14:51:50+00:00

It's a Canadian publication so... time to bust out the stats:

your average man in Canada works 38 hours per week. your average woman in Canada works 33 hours a week.

The unstated presumption in this article is that men should work as much as women in the home.

Why should this be true if women don't work as much as their husbands outside of the home?

Source: https://www150.statcan.gc.ca/n1/en/pub/14-28-0001/2023001/article/00001-eng.pdf?st=Io6_fciI

JustHereForGiner79 · 2024-09-06T00:58:12+00:00

Women create their own expectations. Emotional labor is not real in the sense they use it. Mental burden is shared. These women refuse to be happy.

redditisahategroup1 · 2024-09-06T04:25:30+00:00

think

I don't get it... Are they literally unironically saying they're oppressed by having thoughts now?

SlyPogona · 2024-09-06T03:08:17+00:00

This is a definition of drowning in a cup of water

cyb3rfunk · 2024-09-06T04:33:02+00:00

In my experience, these claims of unfair cognitive burden is their inability to delegate and inability to handle their anxiety.

Alone_Concentrate654 · 2024-09-06T09:11:49+00:00

I understand that this mental load could be a factor when you have a husband and couple of children that only do stuff when you ask them and they keep asking you about every single thing. On the other hand I know from my and others experience that our moms would do everything on their own and complain that they have to do everything, but when you try to help they will just shoo you away and do it themselves. I think it also requires a bit of effort to teach others so they know what they need to do, otherwise you are the one in charge of everything and if you don't delegate duties ans teach others then it's all up to you.

johnnycarrotheid · 2024-09-06T13:30:14+00:00

In my personal opinion, it is largely true but also is largely self inflicted 🤷

At 39 I've been with enough women, and something that's remained a constant is that boy do they make a mess 😂

The amounts of times I've told exes to "clean as you go" instead of letting the place become a dump before having to clean it. Then taking all day to clean which I often could manage, top to bottom, in a couple hours was unreal.

It stressed them out, and stressed me out.

The kids mom was the worst. Her days off with the kid, I'd walk home into a crapshow. My days off with the kid, she walked into a sparkling house.

When we broke up, and separated houses, it just became more evident. 50/50 with kid, perfect routine at mine and just me and kid at mine, the house never seemed to ever get a mess.

I put it down to my own parents. They both had to work, so us kids had to do chores etc. I was essentially self sufficient by the time I went to high school, cleaning, washing, ironing my school uniform etc etc. Obviously not everyone else's were the same

YetAgain67 · 2024-09-06T14:04:39+00:00

OH, they "think" more about it. Whereas men just DO it to get it over with.

Who cares?

Worrying about shit is your responsibility. Don't put your "emotional labor" on me. You want to be less stressful about chores? Let's fucking talk about it like adults. Boom. Problem solved.

Akainu14 · 2024-09-06T13:58:04+00:00

The cognitive and physical burden of yard work, repairs, and maintenance harms men's overall health is what I think

Don't let anyone get away with leaving out the other half of the housework from their narrative.

Content_Lychee_2632 · 2024-09-06T05:57:31+00:00

I live in an apartment with my sister currently, and just the other day we had a long talk about the housework, mental load, and how I’m overwhelmed from having basically all of the latter. I’m disabled to the point where most tasks are out of the question for me, and the work I can do around the house is only after copious substances to ignore the pain and fatigue. Her mental health is to the point where she won’t remember a task needs to be done unless I tell her for some of the harder things. So most of the mental balancing act of when things get done and in what order, falls to me. Just my two cents as a man taking that position.

I’ll disagree with other comments here saying that mental load or emotional labor “isn’t real,” or is inherently manipulative. I challenge those commenters to perhaps acknowledge mental loads you are taking on yourself, and may not realize/play off, encouraging you to do the same to others.

Rucs3 · 2024-09-06T05:45:54+00:00

This is true.

Having someone around that will do nothing unless you order them around is more stressfull than living alone and simply having to do it all yourself.

Living alone = one person mess = you need to think about solving a 1 person mess.

Living with a partner that don help unless told exactly what to do=2 person mess that a single person has to think about

Also it's not only about cleaning but also everyday tasks. Rembering to pay the bills, or making appointments, or any task really.

my mother suffered a lot like this because my father is a piece of shit. If she was a single mom it would be literally less of a mental toll. This is probably walhat is being talked about.

throwburneraway2 · 2024-09-07T01:46:34+00:00

Women when they take on all the household chores, don't teach anyone else how to do them, and then complain that they have to do everything, then get mad and take over when someone else helps, but then complain that no one ever helps.

Your_Nipples · 2024-09-06T14:09:19+00:00

I believe it's true.

I saw my mom being stressed the fuck out having to deal with everything while I know some dads who don't know shit about their kids.

I know for a fact that most men don't actually value what women have to do deal with by themselves while simultaneously demanding that they deal with the household labors by themselves.

The only problem I have with this "emotional labor" bs is that most feminists don't acknowledge that men too have to do emotional labor (dating is emotional labor, you're left to think about everything and are expected to guess, anticipate and don't get me started about dealing with arguments). Shit, being stoic as a solution to get peace is emotional labor.

ImSoNormalImsoNormal · 2024-09-06T12:41:20+00:00

This one is unfortunately very true, as someone raised in a household of mostly women (with the exception of me and my father). Men do occasional repairs, things that are admittedly more difficult than mopping the floors but don't need to be done repeatedly multiple times a day or week.

We have our own issues, we don't need to deny reality - it's a bad look. Instead we could complain about mothers raising us without the expectation to self-reliantly manage a household, instilling incompetence and learned helplessness in their male children while pushing down their throat the tale that they need to be the breadwinners and slave away half of their lives to bring money to the house. We are infantilised, considered helpless man-children and raised to rely on the unpaid labour of a wife who will be our housekeeper and childcare provider while we miss half of our children's lives.

To be honest, my dad was amongst the very few who knew who my teachers were, what grade I was going to, or what homework I had to do, and he was still absent from a chunk of my childhood being a hard worker and putting money on the table. When he lost his job, he lost his sense of purpose and became depressed. These are our real issues. On the other hand, my mother doing all of the unpaid labour all day while also working a full-time job and going to bed stressing about the household chores is one of women's issues that we don't need to take away from.

I say we advocate for a breakdown of the both misogynistic and misandristic heterosexual nuclear family unit and a fair split of both unpaid and paid labour that allows men and women to spend equal amounts of time in the home and with their families.

Title	Moms think more about household chores − and this cognitive burden hurts their mental health
Author	maomaochair
Upvotes	78
Comments	54
Date	September 6, 2024 12:54 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates/comments/1fa2ken/moms_think_more_about_household_chores_and_this/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates/moms-think-more-about-household-chores-and-this.1529536 https://theredarchive.com/post/1529536

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