Q4W: Casual and LTR, what was defining about these experiences?

Barneysparky · 2024-10-01T19:24:35+00:00

Across the board sex is better in a LTR.

You are in love, not just lust. You care about the other person. Sex means laughter and fun, not pound town. You discuss your likes and dislikes. You get better over and over again.

IcyTrapezium · 2024-10-01T19:22:39+00:00

Best casual: I was living in a city for a year under an employment contract. I met a guy from Germany who only took the job in that small city to get to America, and he also wasn’t staying there once his contract was up. Some of the best sex of my life. Saw him every weekend for maybe 9 months? He had good taste in food and movies too. He was younger than me and that man could have sex on and off all night. Women kinda stay aroused so that is a ton of orgasms.

Worst casual: I had a guy who used to hit me up late at night. He was really good in bed but so boring and depressed and awkward otherwise. He once told me he felt sad and empty after sex with me because it was so meaningless. Uhhh. Why do you ask me to come over so often? After he said that I never would come over again but he kept asking.

Best LTR: great guy. Best conversationalist I’ve ever met. Great sex. Very sweet. Did not want to deal with him being a single dad. His ex wife would randomly decide she actually wanted to come see the kids on a weekend for some reason twice when she knew we were leaving for a vacation. Of course the father wanted his children to see his mom. Vacation that she knew about cancelled. I just couldn’t. It was too much. It was always gonna be: kids needs and wants, his needs and wants, ex-wife’s needs and wants, then mine. As it should be. I wouldn’t have respected him if he acted much differently. But I want more. I think he was the best because the connection was so strong. We were mad for each other.

Worst LTR: my ex-fiancé who ended up hitting me and telling me if I left him no one else would ever love me. I was in my very early 20s and dumb. He was 29 when we met, dreamy, and a predator it turns out. He was generous in bed but stopped being that way once he had me moved into a place with him. Then he didn’t want sex anymore very often unless I was upset about something. He used it as a way to control.

Sexually the differences weren’t that great. I know how to have a good time in bed. I get on top pretty often. I will say the best sex was with my longest long term relationship but it wasn’t my best relationship. Just the best sex. Stayed almost six years too long because that man would keep going performing oral sex until I cried. He would actually say that was the plan. Until you cry. Turns out that is a thing. Gotta tap out sometime. He was overall talented in that department.

I don’t know why some men think performing oral is submissive. When that man did that he was the one in total control. He’d even not let me get away when I got too sensitive and tried to push him off. He’d just ease up. It was totally in his mind him being dominant. He was dominant generally just not in an outright BDSM way. Just kinda rough and controlling. Jesus. Maybe I made a mistake leaving him.

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2024-10-01T23:39:36+00:00

Would you say that your top casual experience was more raw, primal, and intimately intense

i dont understand this at all, all of my LTRs started as the same ONS all my ONS started as, hookups that didn't lead to LTRs were drunk and unmemorable whether amazing or terrible. i never saw a man again if the sex wasn't amazing and with the men I LTRed the sex just got better and better for a long time after the initial hook up because we got to know and love each other. there's really no such thing as neutral sex to me, all sex that isn't amazing is pretty much bad. i wish I understood this planet of women who are having amazing hot hookups and tepid LTR sex, I never heard of this except here

attendquoi · 2024-10-01T18:55:56+00:00

My best casual experience was more because there was a bonfire involved. The man had little to do with it.

Neutral casual: it was just boring. Not bad, not great, just kinda there.

Bad casual: the guy wanted me to tell him I loved him.

Best LTR: discovered a new kink 😈

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2024-10-01T19:17:40+00:00

Best Casual Experience - we were on the same page about what we wanted, and sex was good, and we were happy to have it be a regular thing.

Neutral Casual Experience - we were on the same page about what we wanted, sex was okay, and we were happy to have this be an occasional thing. It was pretty much "I'll hit you up if I can't find anyone better to do".

Bad Casual Experience - the other person wanted something more or sex was bad. Wouldn't say I've had any so bad I'd want to forget them but they were the "well, not doing this again" experience.

Best LTR experience - sex was good and it only got better because we genuinelly cared about the other person and wanted to please them, and we wanted to try out new things together. Beats the casual stuff out of the water.

apresonly · 2024-10-01T19:46:51+00:00

Best casual experience: it was a chic hotel room where people could potentially see in (hot) and he made me cum through penetration. I think that was the first time that ever happened. This is the ideal sexual experience lol. It was a nice time, we treated each other well, and it had novelty (nice hotel).

Other goood things: I’ve had great times smoking weed and hooking up/cuddling/hanging out. Men who show up w a bottle of something (so sweet), men who make animal noises when they fuck (🥵), men who go down, men who finger me, men who make me cum before sex

Meh experiences: they were awkward/standoffish (awkward/conversational is fine) acted like they were doing something shady (gross), weren’t friendly (weird), weird to my dog, men who don’t love blowjobs (I love them)

Bad: his place smelled like urine, he put on twilight after (good) but then made me go home halfway through (don’t put a 90 min movie on then), men who don’t like to cuddle, pushed for sex/sex acts/condomless sex after I said no, said they wanted to see me and then ghosted (ruins the memory of a nice time like just say okay bye that was fun instead)

Pushing for sex/etc is def the worst and has resulted in rape multiple times.

I also remember this guy coming into the bathroom and I wasn’t comfy w him so over and over and over I was like “please get out” and he just laughed and was like “I’m okay with it” as if it didn’t matter that I wasn’t. It makes me so furious in hindsight.

Novadina · 2024-10-01T20:04:00+00:00

Best casual was one of my last casual, was mainly because we were both just open with each other about it being casual and everything was chill.

Most of my casual was neutral. Sex can’t really get that amazing when casual, because it’s casual. It lacks the intensity that happens when in love.

The bad casual experiences were when men didn’t respect boundaries or didn’t care about my pleasure at all.

Finally how is your best LTR sexual experience different from the casual experiences? How would you contrast this to your best casual experience above?

Night and day. Sex with someone you love is just not even the same category as casual sex. There’s a reason they call it “making love”. The emotions add to the experience a ton, and the trust I build with a long term partner means I can feel safe to try brand new things. Some of those things turn out to be really amazing. And for me my current partner has been one of my best sex partners from the beginning because he is super creative in bed, and introduced me to new things that felt amazing. Also I think he just is highly compatible with me kink wise.

Would you say that your top casual experience was more raw, primal, and intimately intense

Absolutely not, never had a casual experience I would describe that way. I don’t even see how that’s possible to be “more intimate” when casual, lmao what?! For me it’s the opposite, my LTR is more raw, intimate, and intense, because I can be 100% vulnerable because I trust him 100%. I can explore kinky things due to the trust. Casual it’s more just vanilla sex and no exploring, and it’s also a bit awkward if it’s a new partner. And even normal sex can be painful for me depending on positions and such - once I have been with someone for many years though it means we know each other well and he knows what gets me off the most due to the practice, he doesn’t do the things that hurt at all, and does all the things I love communication is barely even needed.

thelajestic · 2024-10-01T22:10:24+00:00

Best Casual Experience: we just really clicked. It was hot and passionate and we just fit together. No awkwardness, no bumbling. Just sexy sex.

Neutral: not quite on compatible rhythms, nice but not particularly exciting

Bad: actively and purposefully disregarding my health and wellbeing (got stealthed).

Best LTR: same as first one (my husband is my best casual and best LTR experience) but with love involved.

ThatBitchA · 2024-10-01T23:41:12+00:00

None of them stand out.

I'm a boring old lady in a relationship with the best sex.

Anything before my partner feels dull or lackluster in comparison.

kalashhhhhhhh · 2024-10-02T06:07:48+00:00

Had only one casual experience, but I remember it as good because it was a guy whom I trust and like spending time with. The atmosphere was chill the entire time, I didn't feel pressured and we went back to normal without any awkwardness the second it was done.

However, I literally couldn't tell you what sex felt like either with him or with my ex. My memory is usually great but I don't have any mental pictures of the act either.

Finally how is your best LTR sexual experience different from the casual experiences? How would you contrast this to your best casual experience above? What's different about the LTR intimate experience?

My current LTR is the first time I understand why they call it "making love". Sex and love were separate in my head before my current relationship, and I was with my ex for 4.5 years. Our chemistry and the quality of our sex is not comparable to either of my past partners.

"Would you say that your top casual experience was more raw, primal, and intimately intense, but that the LTR experience adds love to the equation as the defining difference?"

Hell no. That's not even the biggest difference. I'm constantly horny for him. I've never felt this way before. I'm also pretty sure I couldn't be this horny if it was just the physical without his personality.

Queen_BW · 2024-10-01T19:33:34+00:00

Ive only had sex in LTRs and the best I remember were one with my ex and one with my current bf. Both times were the best because it was when I realized I was super duper in love with them.

detransdyke · 2024-10-01T20:28:29+00:00

My best casual experience was with another woman, and what made it so good was how sexually responsive she was and how thoroughly I could please her (I'm a giver in f/f sexual contexts) - it was intense sex but idk if I'd call it passionate necessarily, because I feel like passion (for me at least) requires some level of emotional involvement. She and I were super close friends, but there was no romantic spark.

Mediocre casual: we hooked up maybe five times total, with months in between each - the sex was fine, nothing to write home about, but it did the trick in a pinch. Both of us had other prospects we preferred, so it was mostly just when we both happened to be in a dry spell.

Worst casual: he was fun to hang out with and I only really tolerated the sex bc I enjoyed spending time w him (not in a romantic way, just bc he was fun and easy to joke with). The sex was awful, and it turned out he was a maaajor porn addict (which explained his ED and PE), and he made some fucked up pornsick jokes at my expense, which prompted me to cease contact.

LTR: my fiancé was sexually inexperienced when we got together (only 2 sexual partners prior to me, neither long-term), so I led him for the first year or so and taught him how to fuck properly - and since I did the teaching, his technique is tailored specifically to me. It's fabulous, we're very sexually open and communicative so our physical relationship is always growing and shifting as we do. It feels natural, primal tbh, and incredibly passionate. The emotional connection sometimes completely blows my mind, it turns sex up to 11 so to speak, bc the mental stimulation/rush of endorphins enhances and amplifies the physical sensations. It's a wonderful synergy

EulenWatcher · 2024-10-01T21:09:14+00:00

I’ve ever dated and been intimate only with my husband, so he scores best in all possible applicable categories.

I can’t say we were dating for marriage though. We were really young, so we mostly were looking for someone to have fun with in the context of exclusive relationship. We wanted to explore romantic and sexual side of our lives. It eventually developed into a strong bond and realization that we want to spend our lives together. Our romance and sex life have changed over the years. As teenagers we were more adventurous and stupid, we had less responsibilities and more free time, but we also didn’t have the skills or experience. We both didn’t have good examples of relationships between genders and we had to learn a lot.

HighestTierMaslow · 2024-10-01T21:15:05+00:00

I dont have any *truly* casual experiences because I didnt have sex with men if I knew I wasnt interested in seeing them again, and wanted a similar partner, so based on my own definition which is where we did it as part of the dating process and then sometime usually shortly after it ended for some reason (major flaw came out, figured out we were incompatible etc) Ive never had a guy have sex with me and literally ghost me after.

Best: none, they all were meh or sucked bad. Never had a good casual sex experience. All my best sex has been in relationships usually after having sex for at least a month.

Neutral: I didnt have strong feelings either way for one guy (Broke up because he moved shortly after unexpectedly and I didnt want to do long distance)

Bad: honestly...so many to choose from but if you held a gun to my head the guy who told me in a convo prior to us having sex that night "Women get so attached with doing anything sexual, you dont even have to go all the way" Then when we were having sex 1) during the act and foreplay he kept TELLING me what I liked and argued with me when I tried to show him what I liked 2) he didnt seem keen on foreplay at all and 3) didnt last long. Then afterwards, he both acted weird and distant and talked like he assumed I would be clingy (The thing is, up until this point I liked him enough to keep seeing him, but there were a few things about him I wasnt great on. However I was talking to him about some of them and some of the conversations seemed ok and he seemed introspective and respectful... I thought I might have finally found a guy willing to compromise which for women is very hard to find. So I was continuing to date him. However, a few days after we had sex we communicated on an issue that was a dealbreaker for me and he didnt seem keen on changing that, so I said I didnt want to see him anymore. I honestly thought he wouldnt care so I didnt even sweat it... but he did not take it well.)

LTR

Best: My husband by far. Great at foreplay, respectful, good communicator, good bond with him.

Neutral: I got orgasms from this guy but he seemed to not really like doing it or he didnt seem into me having pleasure at all. He also seemed to kind of dissociate during sex...

Bad: The guy I lost my virginity to immediately after began comparing my sexual performance to his ex verbally. Like he barely had enough time to pull out of me before he started doing it. "My ex did *this* and *this* but you didnt" "It was okay but I thought it'd be like my *ex*" (He didnt even like her, she was in our friend group and he was mean to her too, I think they slept together because she was willing to based on what I later learned- he just wanted to lose his virginity. Bizarre...I later found out he had a porn addiction problem).

MoshiMoshi78 · 2024-10-01T21:19:56+00:00

Best casual: I had a slightly older/way more experienced FWB when I was a sophomore in high school. He wasn't my first, but he was definitely the first to make me orgasm (with a vibrator or his fingers, not during PIV), and the one who introduced me to kinkier things I realized I really enjoyed such as bondage and being slapped around a bit.

Neutral Casual: Another FWB, where the sex was good but nothing mind-blowing or special. It was ok, got the job done whenever I wanted it.

Bad casual: Reserved for all of my ONS... the main reason those guys didn't get a repeat was because the sex was dogshit: didn't care whether or not I got off and rolled to sleep as soon as they were done. Basically they would stick their dick in, pump for 30 secs, and be done. I was left feeling extremely disappointed.

Best LTR: Absolutely better sex across the board, rawness, kinkiness, experimentation, orgams, chemistry, desire, all that primal shit 🤣. In all of these categories it's superior to any of my casual experiences. And the cherry on top: the love and emotions make it all ×100 more intense and satisfying. The best sex I've ever is with a partner who was both what I described above and incredibly sexually compatible with me. We both have very high sex drives (wanted sex all the time, as often as possible), and shared the same sexual interests, with the perfect balance of kinkiness. Sex isn't just a one and done thing, where he gets up to get dressed or just roll over and fall asleep as soon as he finishes. No, we lay in bed naked for hours cuddling, going down on each other, talking about the most vulnerable parts of ourselves, making each other laugh so hard the bed shakes, and just losing ourselves in the moment. It honestly fells like I'm riding a high whenever we have sex like that. Didn't know it was something that was possible, but I'm glad I now know what it feels like :)

2024-10-01T23:21:15+00:00

I suppose when my now BF was a fuck buddy. He used to sneak in my house and we would have this wild sex. We are like twin flames with the exact same tastes. He's dominant, but not in a cringe BDSM way. He's got a nice body, thick dick and really good all round technique. The sex has got better throughout the years but the excitement back then was really something special.

I also had an MFM once which had been my ultimate fantasy for years. I was the centre of attention the entire time and they both had great technique. They were also really nice guys and we all enjoyed ourselves throughout.

The worst casual was with a colleague when I was 18. We had liked each other for ages but the sex was just insanely bad. He couldn't kiss, we weren't into the same things at all and tbh I think he had trouble keeping it up. Things were so awkward after that I left the job.

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SaBahRub · 2024-10-01T19:26:45+00:00

Casual was eh, because sex isn’t all that. There’s only so many ways to skin a cat, so to speak. Also, I didn’t have much of it

LTRs were better overall

Title	Q4W: Casual and LTR, what was defining about these experiences?
Author	thought-spiral8
Upvotes	0
Comments	40
Date	October 1, 2024 6:05 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1ftuprg/q4w_casual_and_ltr_what_was_defining_about_these/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4w-casual-and-ltr-what-was-defining-about-these.1531745 https://theredarchive.com/post/1531745

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