Average Girl - Wanting Dates

norwegiandoggo · 2024-11-12T16:05:30+00:00

This will be a challenge because you have a blind spot. You told us a lot of information, but no obvious mistakes or issues stand out from this. Apart from agression.

What did your coach mean by coming across as "too aggressive"? This is vague, but since that coach is the only person who has evaluated your behavior in real-life, they are likely to be a great source of information. I would go to your coach and ask what specifically they meant by this. Get them to be extremely specific.

Being aggressive can be so many different things. But aggressiveness is a negative. Why do you think your coach said you may come across as aggressive?

Rollorich · 2024-11-12T15:38:42+00:00

My first thoughts are that non black guys are fetishizing you and then perhaps realise that you're a human being and not an object.

ConfusedGrievingCube · 2024-11-12T17:19:52+00:00

You may be suffering from Ten-itis.

You may be literally too attractive and well put together, if your coach is saying "Too-good-to-be-true".

I don't really have advice for this, I'll be honest. I am like a 7 and I have to work and put effort in, which comes across as sincere and genuine.

But when encountering guys, you could be coming off as arrogant instead of confident; Or more likely, the vast majority of these guys simply don't know what they want.

When it comes to the monetary gifts, have you considered maybe not accepting them? That's the only pattern I can see as harmful with you. It may set some precedent in their head that they must continue to provide gifts in an escalating manner.

I personally wouldn't want to date someone who does shitty tests like "will she accept this gift", but I think it could be something new to try.

Onzalimey · 2024-11-12T18:09:35+00:00

Online is notoriously flaky so keep that in mind. It’s just bad for it. Also a if you aren’t hot guys will be more flaky. You say you’re attractive but how attractive?

Best is to meet people day to day. It’s harder but always the best. Also max out your hotness. If you aren’t fit and loooing as hot as possible you aren’t at your max potential

Ballislife1313 · 2024-11-12T15:52:03+00:00

That sounds extremely odd.

I can think of two options : either you're too easily accessible, which can make men lose interest sometimes, or there's a detail about you that instantly turns them off, like a weird smell or maybe something about your life like your body count or some other thing that scares them off (I'm not saying any of this is true, these are just examples).

field512 · 2024-11-12T18:04:45+00:00

As a guy, I get very few matches on the apps or even respond to my first message, but there are some womens profile that I would like them to match with me, I remember one in particular, she wrote in her bio "let's go on cute dates", and it is something I kinda would like to do. And women to say because on Tinder for example in my country you never know if they are there to be asked out or just to hook up. It is confusing. Some even don't want to go on proper dates, but just a drink after work. Your'e description kind of remind me of a similar girl I liked. She was very warm and got along with everyone. At first she was acting nice to me but then in other cases when we were for example walking down the same road on campus I said hi and asked her a question but she didn't even bother to chat, just kept her earphones in so I just awkwardly walked away. But I was always dreaming of her in a romantic sense but then when talking or something she was great at first, asked me how I was, but then sometimes just randomly walked away like she was wanted to end the conversation. I guess my problem was not just taking the leap and asking her out, maybe my lack of action came across as a lack of masculinity in a sense I guess, but it is just because I've been treated badly from girls that also showed a lack of interest. So I would say showing interest in the guy you are interested in and staying in the conversation and taking opportunities to hangout.

MrDownhillRacer · 2024-11-12T20:38:12+00:00

The guys getting your number and then not asking you out probably just got gunshy and didn't pull the trigger.

Like, I've noticed that if I ask out a woman with the first text, it goes nowhere and she never accepts. So, I pretty much have to get a conversation going over text first to lead into it (even if we already had a pretty good conversation when I actually got her number).

But if she's not being very receptive over text (sending one-word responses, being inconsistent), I know she's not interested and I just drop it there instead of even bothering to ask her out. I notice I'm most likely to get a date if I ask her out at the height of energy of a conversation (she's texting back quickly, displaying interest, engaging with my jokes, etc). If I can't get to that hook point, I quit and let it fizzle out, because I know from experience that the answer will always be "no" if I even try at that point.

So, either you need to display more interest over text so they feel you actually want them to ask them out instead of giving up and moving on from you, or you need to just be the one to ask them out instead of wanting them to read your mind.

Edit: also would like to say - i don’t ask for expensive dates or anything. I literally tried to invite a guy to my yoga class at my gym (because i get free guest passes) and he hit on me at the grocery store and he just kept like flaking. So stuff like that, like i don’t want to ask because it seems like guys like me less when i ask to go on the date! I’d rather let men lead.

Okay, so I guess you have taken initiative. Just speculating here, but it's possible that this guy wasn't confident in his yoga abilities and was hesitant to go on a date where he might embarrass himself. Pick something lower pressure, like grabbing coffee.

Playful-Ad4754 · 2024-11-12T20:58:14+00:00

Sounds like a simple fix to me. RELAX. Your already nervous and tense before anything happens. Just be yourself, and have fun.

MorganScott616 · 2024-11-16T14:10:49+00:00

This is one of those situations where you're asking the fish and not the fisherman. Kind of like the situation I was describing to the girl on the post you and I interacted on last night. To solve this issue, you need to hang around with some women or a woman who aren't/isn't running into any of the obstacles you are running into and be really introspective about what they are doing differently than you. Even though I'm the fish here, I feel I could offer you some helpful insight. I would have to guess that the issue here is that you may be SLIGHTLY too masculine when you're interacting with these men. Opposites attract. Masculine is attracted to feminine. You've stated on here that you were the breadwinner in your last relationship. You've also stated that you have interacted with men in the past and realized they don't like to be put in a feminine position, i.e., you approaching them. To me, this HAS to be the cause. What may help you out tremendously is to read a book about being a submissive wife in order to pick up on a more feminine mindset when interacting with men. The surrendered wife by Laura Doyle would be a great choice. This will help you understand the femininity mindset it takes to keep men interested in you for years to come. The book talks about how stepping into your femininity helps you wield a significant power over men that most women in today's day and age have lost touch with. Her book doesn't teach you to be a doormat. It teaches you how to get what you want out of a man by wielding your divine femininity in a way that you might not be privy to. If you want to go into this a bit more in depth, shoot me a dm and I may be able to help diagnose things a bit further for you as I feel I have a better insight into this than most "fish" could offer as I have actually studied this in depth from the man's side and the woman's side. My wife said she would help as well. She is one of the most irresistible women i have ever met and basically had men competing for her attention when I met her 14 years ago.

Ampboy97 · 2024-11-12T16:28:12+00:00

why not ask them out on dates instead?

tehjoch · 2024-11-12T16:32:47+00:00

Sounds very weird from all the things I could read so far. If this coach said maybe to agressive, I think he could elaborate. Is it possible that you come off as too needy to the men that are engaging you?

It is a rare occurance, but if a girl is too clingy over text, I also stay away.

I feel like my non-ghosted conversations usually die out because I'm putting in all the effort and not getting much positive interaction. For example: she seems to not put any intrest in me, even when I'm feeding her some things to ask about they dont bite. She never texts on her own (if I dont text, she wont).

Anything here sounds familiar?

outmyelement · 2024-11-12T21:31:41+00:00

hey girl, so before i met bf this would happen to me sometimes too. i don’t know why it is or what it means, but if a man isn’t trying to go on that date with you quickly after yall match, id just drop it. my boyfriend now was quick to set up a date with me when we matched. maybe in one of your prompts you can do “the quickest way to my heart is… a sushi date!” or something you’d like to do on a date. it’s easy for the guys who are serious ab dating to take the lead from there. good luck :)

Kooky-Research-1217 · 2024-11-13T01:24:17+00:00

Probably the guy’s you are interacting with, are not looking for relationship, they are just seeking validations for themselves by scoring your number.

May be you are looking at the wrong crowd.

SalamanderNo3872 · 2024-11-13T03:36:03+00:00

Post a picture of yourself

Party-Ganache9553 · 2024-11-13T08:35:26+00:00

Salamander has half the answer right. Other half is post the pictures of your matches. Either you are overestimating your hotness or underestimating your matches’ .

Glittering-Fly-474 · 2024-11-13T11:40:07+00:00

would you be up for sharing some of your messages? What age are you dating? Where are you located? I’m a bw too and I’m always floored by the amount of women more attractive than me who can’t get a date or conversation bc that’s not something I struggle with and I am just average. I also don’t think being aggressive is as big as problem as people say, because men expect above average women to be tough nuts to crack in the beginning

Ok_Potential359 · 2024-11-14T07:36:10+00:00

What’s your dating intention? Are you trying for something serious or more casual?

Attention ≠ attraction, it means very little.

It feels like you’re trying to assert a placeholder personality trying to fit into the mold of what men want vs being sincere and authentic with how your behavior is coming off.

I personally love black women but many times I feel they are horrible at picking partners because the things they are attracted to ≠ aren’t men who are serious about dating.

Intelligent-Day-5954 · 2024-11-12T17:25:07+00:00

I think I know the answer, take the lead in planning the first date. Like hey I've got this thing, do you want to come with on Saturday?

I've gotten women's numbers but when I try to follow up they always seem super vague, too busy, disinterested so I take that as they're not interested and stop texting and move on.

As a guy if you come on too strong, like suggest an activity, they immediately cut you off over text despite saying they were interested in person.

And you have to be ready to let go quickly the second you feel they aren't interested.

It's hard to know what the right thing to say is, you can scare off a woman by being too eager, or by not being eager enough.

Especially if you're a hottie, there's just so many pitfalls, so many wrong moved a guy can make, and very few good moves

Title	Average Girl - Wanting Dates
Author	PleaseDontBeTakenPlz
Upvotes	31
Comments	77
Date	November 12, 2024 3:30 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1gpnbi3/average_girl_wanting_dates/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/average-girl-wanting-dates.1535531 https://theredarchive.com/post/1535531

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