Coming to perceive yourself as having been taken advantage of in a sexual situation that a person pursued themselves a uniquely female phenomenon.

I had to reword this a bit so as not to upset our admin overlords.

Yesterday I posted this thread detailing a then 16yo (she's now 23) in a state with an age of consent of 16 who pursued and slept with a man who I think was late 40s at the time their engagement started.

Though I’ll admit I expected there to be way, way more of this, here are the responses of a half dozen women:

She sounds like she's been groomed by a male authority figure in her life.

an older experienced adult is grooming the young person

So you’re using the example of someone who was groomed and raped as a teenager?

Also confused on what your grooming scenario has to do with it

What does a 16 year old with clear trauma and issues ending up with a predator have to do with liberty?

it's distinctly abnormal and most sane people would recognize that there's likely some trauma causing this behavior.

I didn't talk to this woman enough to get her whole life story but enough to know that she's been engaging this person for seven years now, she chose it herself, and she's continuing to choose it herself. I talked to her enough to know that she certainly wouldn't describe her situation the way any of these women have even now that she's 23.

One woman who I told this to directly doubled down and essentially said, '23 is still young. Don't worry she'll come to perceive herself as groomed little rape victim later.'

And that's the thing, with the help of women just like her, she probably will. Once she's heard enough times from enough different people that there's no way she could have had the agency to make that decision, law be damned, she just might come to believe it herself.

I have several problems with this:

First and foremost to me, these perspectives do not respect this person’s liberation.

Secondly, I do not think it is good practice for us as a society to assume victimhood of others.

Third, I definitely don't think it’s reasonable for us as a society to be imposing a self-perception of victimhood on those who’d have had no reason to perceive themselves as such otherwise.

This brings me to my overall question. Is this a gendered phenomenon? Is there any man here who can say that either he or another man he knows (and this part is extremely important) pursued a sexual situation of his own volition and then later in life came to perceive himself as having been taken advantage of in the sexual situation that he himself pursued?