My (33f) bf (24m) has a hot female friend. Should I be concerned?

prosperity4me · 2025-02-10T17:13:24+00:00

At 33 what is a 24yo male doing for you genuinely curious

LightOverWater · 2025-02-10T15:19:58+00:00

How attractive you find her would simply be jealousy or insecurity, which isn't relevant to what's going on and what's okay.

But his actions certainly say a lot. He's told you A) he's very attracted to her B) he thinks about her sexually and C) he hides that he hangs out with her.

Is this behaviour okay to you? Do you really think it's "just platonic"? Seems like he already told you the answer.

If you have not already put up boundaries, it's time to. Then measure if he obeys boundaries, then dump him if he doesn't. Or you could just dump him already if betrayal has already occurred.

Deliaallmylife · 2025-02-10T15:23:02+00:00

You have made a strong case for the friend being a problem. I'm not sure there is anything that people are going to say to the contrary because everything you presented supports your fears.

Can you tell us why you might be overreacting to his friendship? Why perhaps you SHOULDN"T be worried?

Internet strangers can only give advice that is as good as the information provided and yours is onesided so you will get onesided responses.

Also, I have to ask, are you guys at the same point in life? A 9 year age difference with a younger man at that particular period of life has it's own potential pitfalls.

DryMonitor777 · 2025-02-11T02:45:17+00:00

Girl, please.... You know the answer.There is a tension between them both, and let me tell you - men do not befriend hot women just like that. Your BF is not blind, he is checking his options. And as soon he gets a green light from her - you will be history within minutes.. Trust me, I was there....Now my ex and his hot GF are married. It tool me 2 years wasted time to realize - he was just waiting for her. FIrst crisis within our relationship and she was there with "help".HAhaha, don't waste your best years. Men exactly know what they do. Let him choose between you and her and watch how fast he goes to her.

No_Assumption7467 · 2025-02-11T09:34:42+00:00

dump him or you’ll be heartbroken

ef14 · 2025-02-11T11:08:09+00:00

Him lying to you is fucked up, so is checking his phone.

That said, this entire thing is based off of jealousy and assumptions, blocking her will only delay the inevitable if he actually wants to cheat on you. In fact, it might even give him more of a reasoning to do so.

This shit never works, relationships aren't personal properties. Where's the trust in your relationship? Good luck.

Puzzleheaded_Ant8462 · 2025-02-11T12:57:28+00:00

Trust your instincts and never go against them. If alarm bells have already gone off then lean in and listen. I feel like you already know how you feel about this situation even before you wrote this Reddit post!

OkKaleidoscope9696 · 2025-02-10T18:26:12+00:00

This sounds like a troll post. On the off chance it’s not, my advice is to break up with him.

InvestigatorFun9386 · 2025-02-10T19:11:26+00:00

dont disrespect yourself by tolerating disrespect from him. tell him how it makes you feel, and give him an ultimatum, with clear boundaries and conditions. If he cant take not seeing her over you, you have your answer. This is my advice. i am guy--- we like when women we like stand up and give us shit. especially when secretly we know we are probably crossing the line---it can only serve to increase his respect for you. if he decides to go with Tiffany, then at least you have respect for yourself and knowlege of what is feels like to be cheated on and basically lied to. dont accept a turd when apparently you are aware of the difference and what mutuality feels like. Otherwise--- start hanging with "the girls" and posting on ig, and see how he responds; jk. But the point stands, dont tolerate in him what you wouldnt tolerate in yourself, and he will respect you even if he doesnt respect himself

SunRose42 · 2025-02-10T16:33:29+00:00

Yeah that’s pretty suspicious. To me the weirdest parts are how shady he is about not telling you when they’re hanging out, and the Instagram pictures of just them two (esp with the captions!).

If you really want to make this work, I’d suggest letting your bf know that you can’t continue without more transparency around when she’s with him. I’d also make a fake social account to follow her, and make an effort to befriend her. Like ask to be invited out with him and his friends periodically since it’s clearly not a “boys’” night anyway and chat her up. Ask her to get pedicures (etc.) with you sometime, invite her to hang out with you and your girlfriends, and so on. Getting closer to her will both make her more hesitant to pull anything, and also give you a better sense of whether she’s someone you should worry about (e.g., whether she just happens to have a lot of guy friends versus if she’s a pickme attention seeker). If it’s the latter then I think it’s totally fine to insist that your bf break things off with her.

I hate to say it, but some of this may also be maturity. He’s 24, and men mature more slowly than women. Not saying it can’t work, but it’s something to be mindful of.

VasiliyZaitzev · 2025-02-10T20:51:42+00:00

A. He doesn't mention her because he knows you're insecure about her and he doesn't want to get dragged.

B. It seems he has 1-on-1 hangouts with her. This is what would raise concerns.

C. "Then I hear a girls voice on the other end. Guess who it was? Tiffany." Would you feel better if it was a different girl?

D. "I know nothing about this girl besides what my bf tells me about her." This is concerning. Does she know he has a gf? Back in my monogamous days, I would make sure that any gf I had met my two platonic female friends (one was from childhood, and the other I had known for several years; neither they nor I had any interest in sex with each other and had we, there would have been several years to have tried it out already.) Introducing you is a "respect" thing. If your bf isn't doing it, that doesn't feel right.

E. "Apparently she is the only (very fem) female of the group." Does this mean there are other women but they are not attractive or that she is the only girl?

F. "She has little to no gf." Not uncommon among super hot women. My main chick is a model. Her best friend is her (female) cousin. Other women do NOT want to stand next to her in group photos. They have asked her to stand on the end before. Me: "Yeah, that so they can crop you out later, because of, you know, the 'differential'."

G. "After practically interrogating my bf..." Forced confessions are not reliable, and are often made because the subject knows if they give a "sort of" answer that the interrogation will stop. Ofc, sometimes, it's "trickle truth."

H. "should I be worried?" The thing I would be worried about is that you have not met her. BF should introduce you - if he doesn't want to, then one of two things is going on, either (a) he wants her to think he's 'available', or (b) he's afraid you will go psycho on her; nobody needs that.

So just say that you want to meet her, etc., and promise you won't go pscyho on her (only if that's true! And no peeing on him to mark your territory!) etc. Maybe she needs some gfs. You could be that person. Just saying. She might turn out to be a great girl.

AutoModerator · 2025-02-10T14:33:57+00:00

Title: My (33f) bf (24m) has a hot female friend. Should I be concerned?

Author Vegetable-Ambition72

Full text: TL;DR: My boyfriend has a hot platonic friend who doesnt have girlfriends and always hangs out “with the boys.” My bf leaves out whenever he is hanging out with her when I’m at work. He posted photos where they look like a couple on IG. He admitted to wanting to have sex with her before him and I met.

I know how this comes off already, but i had some alarms bells go off recently.

My boyfriend and I have been together for several months now, and it’s been getting serious (he basically lives with me now). I’ve know about this girl (we will call her Tiffany) since we started dating. She’s a bombshell, but I didn’t think anything of it at first.

I primarily work on the weekends so he goes out with “the boys” every time. However, there were times that I found out he was also hanging out with this girl. Idk why he fails to mention this detail if they’re just friends.

First time I found out was because my friend shared a IG post of the two of them (I’m not on social). And it was a night he told me he was with a guy friend while I was working…..no mention of her.

A few months later, he makes another post with the same photo. It was a birthday post. It said “Happy Birthday to a special person”

Lastly, I called him after my shift to see where he was. I knew he was “with the boys” and he was heading to a bar. Then I hear a girls voice on the other end. Guess who it was? Tiffany.

I know nothing about this girl besides what my bf tells me about her. Apparently she is the only (very fem) female of the group. She has little to no gf. After practically interrogating my bf about ever having feelings for her, he admits that he “thought about” sleeping with her about a year ago. He didn’t pursue because he only sees her “as a friend” and nothing more.

There is so many more details but I think I made my point here. So I’m probably going to regret asking….should I be worried?

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Ok_Lychee1258 · 2025-02-12T04:29:51+00:00

Hmm, where to start... where to start...

A man can not and will not truly be in his masculine energy if he lives with you. He needs to have his own place and invite you there.

You are not serious. You've been dating for a couple of months. You don't know the guy.

Why did you let him into your house and how in need of a place was he at the time? Is he getting a financial benefit from living with you? If yes, that should sound some alarm bells.

Why are you going through his phone? Very uncool. So there's no trust in the relationship. And there's self-esteem stuff on your end.

he is giving you companionship? Sounds like he's giving you highs and lows. This will interrup your hormonal balance and, if left untreated, affect future relationships. Which there definite will be by the sounds of the whole thing. Companionship... at 33? Girl, you should be working on yourself and finding a good partner cause that clock is going to start ticking.

Now, onto the actual question. First off, trust your intuition. Second of all, that's a big huge nope. Many reasons and you know them well. The first one being Respect. Will you be able to draw that boundary? Unlikely ... so that goes back to my point on highs and lows.

I don't think the real question is the friend. The real question is what you are doing in this relationship. It's not even about the age, although it's a factor. It's about the whole dynamic.

You need to address 1. Regaining your femininity 2. Regaining self-esteem 3. Balance out your need for intensity and highs and lows 4. Seeking validation from within 5. Getting rid of scarcity mindset 6. Learning to set boundaries

You probably won't agree with me, but I strongly strongly urge you to start working on yourself now before years trickle by.

Short answer re friend: sounds like she's using him for validation. Sounds like he wants to get in her pants, but she doesn't want him for more than validation. Sounds like he's with you for comfort, and his mind, heart, and other body parts are elsewhere. And would be elsewhere if the "friend" was down.

Title	My (33f) bf (24m) has a hot female friend. Should I be concerned?
Author	Vegetable-Ambition72
Upvotes	10
Comments	80
Date	February 10, 2025 2:33 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1im7ggy/my_33f_bf_24m_has_a_hot_female_friend_should_i_be/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/my-33f-bf-24m-has-a-hot-female-friend-should-i-be.1543476 https://theredarchive.com/post/1543476

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