I don't understand “game”

seduction-ModTeam · 2025-03-17T12:40:53+00:00

This post/comment has been removed because it violates Rule #5: The topic is too broad, has been covered a lot already, or involves the assumption overly limited by race, age, physical limitations/appearance, and/or other inborn external qualities.

Put in some reading & work before asking questions that have been addressed, like: * How do I approach? * How do I get a number? * How do I talk to girls at college? * How/When do I kiss a girl? * Does this really work?

As for the last one, it is an answered question. There have been many posts on physical limitations over the years, including this one. No need to re-ask it.

Western-Month-3877 · 2025-03-16T22:35:10+00:00

Tldr: to answer your question, yes the game exists and it’s doable. But in order to correctly approach a woman regardless of your own flaws and limitation, you gotta see the whole thing with the correct mindset.

Here’s why:

You come at the right conclusion if you read all the methods these so-called coaches teach. This is why some, if not many, PUA grads have turned into incels or/and voluntary celibates.

Because after trying the methods, it’s either:

they found out it didn’t work most of the time, and they tend to blame it on women because of thousands of rejection they had to deal with…
Or, even if it worked, they were still looking for something to fill the void, something that is long lasting in a serious relationship instead of craving for quick hookups which they may have got.

I think the diagnosis so far is most teachings only touch the surface level. It’s like a meta concept of human behavior 101. Most of what they teach is about: - what to say - what methods - what to do in every situation.

Like there’s a script in every scene/circumstance. Which is obviously ridiculous, as we are not robots or machines and neither are women. We can’t just say something then expect her to respond the way we expect her to.

While the inner game that should be far fundamental that needed to be introduced first is mostly ignored: The mindset, the root cause of human behaviors, the trauma, what makes a guy become the way he is now (his background, his family, his father figure, his upbringing), etc.

But in their defense, you can’t teach all this stuff in 3 days or even a 1-week workshop/seminar. If this was a college, this is at least a whole semester class. If this was a therapy, this is at least multiple sessions of counseling that could take months.

This is why there are guys who are pretty good at approaching women yet deep inside are still the same individual they try to change; they are still short fused, still having low esteem, still believe they are the victims (or see the world only as predator vs prey), still see women as the competitor instead of seeing them as our collaborator.

eablokker · 2025-03-16T22:59:21+00:00

That's because you're thinking like a man. You're primarily attracted by looks so you assume women are too, but they're not. Looks are a factor but they're not #1. Every woman I've ever asked has said the primary factor is emotions, how she feels about the man, or the "vibe" of the interaction. Looks don't drive human behavior, emotions do. And even when you're attracted by looks, its because of the feelings that the looks made you feel, not the looks itself. Looks are just one of many of ways to create feelings. And if you do nothing else to stir emotions in people, then looks are the only tool you have.

Also you're thinking in terms of impressing everyone at a party by attracting a 10 in front of everyone. That's not seduction. A 10 may not want to be seen as romantically involved with an ugly man in public in front of all of her friends because of the social stigma. But she may be willing to have a one night stand or friends with benefits in secret. Or she may need to be persuaded that looking good in front of her friends is not the most important thing in life, which objectively its not.

And it's not about doing the "right" thing. They're not judging your actions and choosing he did the right thing, he did the wrong thing. It's about doing what works vs what doesn't work. When you do something that works, they're not consciously deciding that you did the right thing, they're unconsciously responding in a way that triggers their biological instincts and they can't resist it. Attraction is not a conscious process, it happens at a subconscious animal, instinctual level, and an emotional level.

pdx-Psych · 2025-03-16T22:12:32+00:00

Look, you either have the attitude that you can change your circumstances and get better at attracting women, or you don’t.

Not every guy is born to be tall with dimples and a great head of hair. There are things outside of your control. There are however, things within your control that you can work on. There is knowledge and tips about how to interact with women that can help you. I am a tall guy with dimples and a full head of hair and it still wasn’t easy for me, I had to learn and grow and try and fail with this stuff like everyone else here. And I’ll tell you I have seen dudes with all kinds of issues (bad teeth, short, bald, fat, you name it) still pull in incredible amounts of tail, why? Because they (whether they realized it or not) were masters of game, because there ARE things you can actually do to help you succeed with women regardless of your situation.

That said, success is not guaranteed - it could take you a short time or a very very long time for any of this to pay off. But would you rather work on yourself on the chance that you succeed, become a more self-assured, well-rounded person (not to mention also having sex), or shake your fist in the air like an incel that we no longer live in times where women were property? This sub is for the former.

StrikingImportance39 · 2025-03-16T22:00:17+00:00

U don’t believe because u didn’t see any examples in real life how this stuff works. That’s normal. I was sceptical as well.

I can tell u couple of experiences from the time I started hanging out with guys from PUA community.

I met with very experienced guys and we did night game. We go into nightclub and there are literally 10-20 attractive women. I am thinking shit we hit a jackpot let’s approach them.

And then look at one of them and he say “there is nothing here”. Another says “yeah let’s go to another one”. I was like WTF? Are they joking?

I was okay. Maybe I am missing something. So we go to another one. Again, same thing. We just look around and then leave. At this point I am getting pissed.

Then we go to third one. And I say “fck it, I will approach” and they stopped me and said “Don’t go to them, let’s approach these ones” and they pointed me to three women sitting at the bar. The problem was that they were not that attractive, I would say average. Still hot but not the hottest in the club. I asked them why these and not those? And one of them told me one of the most important rules of the game.

“You don’t approach any woman you approach the one who is willing to sleep with you”.

Often she is not the hottest in the group. But rather that awkward silent friend who doesn’t get lots of attention.

U see. When u do game 5-10 years you just know which woman will sleep with u just by glancing at her. U can tell exact minutes how long it will take to seduce her.

And that’s what PUA coaches don’t tell u because it doesn’t sell well. Only 20% is your game and 80% is just your ability to find right women.

That’s why beginners say it’s just a numbers game. Because they randomly approach every single woman they meet. But once u get experience u know which ones to approach.

Also thats why beginners who buy one on one lessons from coaches have good success rate while on their own struggle. Because coaches tell them who to approach.

Some women are just looking for sex. Simple as that.

Unfortunately, to master this skill it takes around 3000-5000 of approaches.

CrazyRepulsive8244 · 2025-03-17T05:24:39+00:00

If youre on a subreddit full of knowledge and still can't find the answer, you probably never will.

AiSensualGoddess · 2025-03-17T00:04:14+00:00

This is not something you will believe until you actually see someone doing it in front of you. It won’t be enough to just read it. If the eyes don’t see, you won’t believe.

Yes, looks can increase your chances, but ultimately many guys focus too much on that, and you little or nothing at all on other flaws or limitations they have that have just as much impact as looks if not more.

I met many guys who are physically attractive, very tall, they go to the gym and have the ideal fitness body, and yet they really don’t know what to talk about with women they like.

Their mind goes blank, they have at most boring small talk and generic questions… and while the girls are initially interested, they lose them because the girls are not really connecting with him or finding the interaction enjoyable. It’s all awkward between them, so the women excuse themselves and disappear.

So this is frustrating for them because while they can see that the girls react well initially amd even compliment them, and give them attention, ultimately these guys don’t know how to use that to their advantage and get what they want.

If you didn’t know them personally, you would assume they are having tons of sex and girlfriends and shit like that, but not really. Many of them are virgins and those who aren’t virgins were just lucky once or twice and might have been sexless for years.

Others might be ok at having conversation but don’t really knkw when rk go for a kiss, how to create the romantic moment, how to take them home, how to initiate sex,… etc

This is where learning what to say and do (aka learning seduction) comes in. Because there are strategies to do all that smoothly by learning to communicate effectively and respectfully without turn women off.

Many guys also don’t understand women, why they do the things they do, or why they say the things they say, or why they suddenly lose interest for seemingly no reason, which is where seduction also helps because it’s rooted in psychology.

Not to mention how many guys have anxieties, fears, neediness, insecurities, self-doubt, low self esteem which is also something that can be fixed with seduction since seduction is a be huge discipline that can be studied to learn not just what to say to women but also how to fix your own mindset.

Many guys do mistakes like putting women on pedestals, showering them with compliments, being their best friend hoping to confess their feelings in such a way that the girl will want to date them which is also bad strategy and seduction teaches you what you need to do instead.

So while you simplified things thinking this is just about guys who are 5s trying to get laid with a girl that’s a 10 in terms of looks, there is way more to it than that.

There are many guys who are 5s and can’t even get laid with a girl that’s a 5 a 4 or even a 1. They simply can’t get any girl no matter how much more ugly than he is.

And it’s not like those ugly girls have the opportunity to date more attractive guys than him neither because no guy wants those girls, so those girls can’t actually afford to be picky and yet those guys still can get laid because they simply don’t understand how attraction and sexual tension works or don’t even know how to connect with women.

And game in seduction is:

Your ability to say witty, funny or clever things quick enough when she challenged you or tests you to get her to be interested by making the conversation fun and engaging instead instead of boring and flat which will cause her to not be interested even if she was initially interested.
Your ability to flirt in a way that sounds smooth instead of forced to create sexual tension so that she is turned on and aroused because of what you told her and got her to imagine.
Your ability to connect emotionally rapidly with a girl so that she feels like you just understand her better, almost as if you had known her your entire life even though you just met 10 mins ago
Your ability to escalate things at the right time because even if a girl is interested and giving you every possible signal you still could fuck up and turn her off if you escalate in the wrong way… etc.

So it’s not just enough to be hot and say “hey wanna fuck” to a girl even if she finds you hot. Sure if she is drunk maybe, but what about girls you might like who are not drunk? Girls in your class, or your workplace, or your hobbies or whatever.

They won’t be that easy to take them to bed no matter if you are a 10 in terms of looks because they still need to get to know you to see if they actually enjoy being with you and you make them feel anything.

Because women derive more sexual and romantic pleasure by the emotions you make them feel with your words and actions than by the visual stimulus. Women are not like men who are a pair of boobs and immediately want sex. Women can appreciate your physique but it’s not enough. You still need game if you want control over your dating life and not just leave it to luck.

And if you don’t believe it i suggest you hit the gym get the perfect male fit body with abs, wide shoulders, and big biceps, and then approach women without learning game or seduction and you will see how it you still can’t get the girls to sleep with you.

MapacheD · 2025-03-17T03:23:58+00:00

I reccomend you the bio novel "The Game" by Neil Strauss. That's literally the premise of the whole book.

LucaCoco_ · 2025-03-17T04:57:30+00:00

You don't understand because you assume attraction in women works like in man. Attraction for women is created mostly by personality traits communicated by bechavioral cues.

You see beautiful women with handsome man, this is self fulfilling prophecy. Attractive man feels worthy enough to approach beautiful women.

rich_god · 2025-03-17T08:24:17+00:00

Your example is good, it’s exactly how it works. It’s even crazier than that, if you are confident, know what you’re doing, love yourself and present yourself authentically, you will appear handsome (not taller tho).

Beauty is not only genetics, it’s also very much connected to your beliefs.

But yeah, I am short and had a quite very average face and have had a lot of success with 9+ women after a few years of getting better at seduction.

IGetBoredSometimes23 · 2025-03-17T05:41:57+00:00

I don't really know what you want us to say. You already made your mind up that you can't do better with women.

Chicagoj1563 · 2025-03-17T08:26:50+00:00

A large part of female attraction is who the guy is, how other people respond to him, and how he carries himself. That has nothing to do with looks.

If all OP has seen is attractive women with good looking guys, then he is probably very young and is seeing what he wants to see, which is looks matter. But they don’t matter that much.

HomelessMilkman · 2025-03-17T09:15:28+00:00

There's some bullshit answers in this thread.

You go on YouTube, you want to watch a video, are you scanning for the person with the most symetrical face to watch or are you looking for someone who offers dynamic and interesting content? What keeps you amused?

You might initially click on the person who's visually more appealing, watch their video for 2 seconds, it's dry and boring so you click off.

Saying to "use the right words and body language" is minimizing it. It's not YouTube, you can't have a backing track and intersperse clips, you have to bring the energy and charisma yourself - enough to engage an audience. That's 'social skills', delivery, creating entertainment, having fun, offering value, etc.

It's funny, guys could be having a completely miserable, anxious, tense, uncomfortable time around an attractive woman and come away with it thinking you 'had fun', 'it went well' and want to do it again; men get so densely logical that they don't care about havbing a good time, they just want to 'win'.

If a woman isn't having fun, she's out, she has options; it doesn't matter what you look like, she has no incentive to tolerate being tense and uncomfortable. It's not rocket science, if you don't think you're 'good enough', how fun would you be? Statistically, you have to 'fit the mould' to feel that entitlement, relax, enjoy yourself and offer a fun experience; that is, until you don't.

Title	I don't understand “game”
Author	mix3456
Upvotes	12
Comments	14
Date	March 16, 2025 9:23 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1jcw4t8/i_dont_understand_game/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/i-dont-understand-game.1546760 https://theredarchive.com/post/1546760

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