What is your relationship with masculinity like?

ugly_5ft_4incher · 2025-04-12T08:13:31+00:00

Like a standard shoved in my face everywhere that I cannot live up to. I have the wrong body and mind.

People treat it like something ethereal or religious sometimes, like it encompasses more than it is. In reality:

qualities or attributes regarded as characteristic of men or boys.

It's a convenient way to get men to do things, which may or may not be in their best interests depending on the situation.

Curious_Jury_5181 · 2025-04-12T11:51:23+00:00

I think right now gender discourse has become so lopsided that people are intrinsically linking bad traits to masculinity , that upon further glance aren't really gendered to begin with.

Thinks like being controlling, emotionally obtuse, aggressive or bigoted etc. Are now almost exclusively tied to masculinity in gender discourse.

Even though women are just as capable at exhibiting these traits, they just manifest in different ways.

While there are habits and pathologies that we as men can improve on, the constant gaslighting from the other side isnt constructivebto that.

Both_Relationship_62 · 2025-04-12T08:52:00+00:00

The idea of masculinity is something I have suffered from to the point where it cost me my mental health.

Now it means nothing to me personally. I don't try to be masculine in any way, at least consciously. Some things I do may be considered masculine, but I try to avoid seeing them as such. Some things typically seen as masculine (e.g. ambition) are universal human traits — they should not be linked to gender. And people who don't possess these traits should not be shamed (if they don't do anything harmful to others), regardless of gender. Some other things typically viewed as masculine (such as not expressing basic human emotion) should be abolished altogether, they are not useful for anyone, regardless of gender.

I see the idea of masculinity as the cause of many problems in our culture, including disproportionate attention to female and male suffering (men's issues are ignored because men are expected to be masculine — to fix their problems by themselves, not to complain or whine etc). Under the influence of the idea of masculinity, our society generally finds it hard to imagine that men (especially as a social group) can suffer or have any feelings, thus constantly ignoring men's suffering.

Curious_Jury_5181 · 2025-04-12T11:44:20+00:00

I wouldn't call myself masculine in a rugged/traditional sense.

Ive never been good at or interested in sports. Never been into cars or anything like that.

I was always on the nerdy side and thrived at things that were in the arts and culture space. Ive always had niche inclinations compared to the boys and men around me.

However....

Anyone who knows me well wouldn't describe me as effeminate either.

I'm becoming more comfortable in my skin with age, not living up to either archetype just doesn't phase me anymore.

Double_Aught_Squat · 2025-04-12T12:36:23+00:00

I'm fine with my masculinity, but as a man, it's not doing me any favors in how the world treats me.

BandageBandolier · 2025-04-12T11:14:53+00:00

I'm comfortable with it, somewhat unfulfilled because it's so stifled and villainized that I rarely get to express it openly except with the "IDGAF what people think, I a man's man" types, which aren't truly who I'd pick in an ideal world, but it'll do.

As for the "aren't most here masculine?" I think this is the truly male focused (as opposed to places running apologetics for female chauvinism like menslib) community I've been in with the highest proportion of guys who would say they have more traditionally "feminine" than "masculine" personalities. Which makes sense to me as it's the most left community that doesn't just roll over and accept being a 2nd class Identity, so it would be the most welcoming to non-traditional masculinity.

And that's good, I think to ever stand a chance of being treated truly equally male advocates need to find a way transcend most of the other differences between us and present a unified front. I'm happy to stand up for non-traditionally masculine men's rights to be treated fairly, as I hope they would help defend me even if I chose to embrace rather than reject the parts of myself that happen to line up with traditional masculinity.

Langland88 · 2025-04-12T12:50:40+00:00

Well on the outside, I look like a typical masculine man. I have a very thick beard, I work in manufacturing, heck and I even do a lot things associated with masculinity like splitting wood because I live in rural Northwest Wisconsin. I have a lot of upper body strength too. I normally don't try to cry whenever I get stressed out except in private because I don't want to express those feelings around anyone. Oh and one of my favorite things to do in the summer time is to fire up the charcoal grill and cook meats like hamburgers, bratwursts, chicken, and pork chops as a few examples.

But I am also on the spectrum and I am very much into nerdy stuff too. I do talk and express my other feelings somewhat more openly than what might not considered appropriate to masculinity. I do talk about how loneliness can hurt or how even social media takes a toll on my mental health. So I guess I am somewhere in the middle. The things is that I know some men here don't want to adhere to traditional roles associated with men and I am alright with that. However, there are some traditional roles I personally don't mind adhering too. Maybe I want to be a protector and provider but I also want appreciation for it naturally.

What really bothers me the most is how a lot of things I personally agree with in traditional masculine traits are somehow considered toxic by those on the far left or by most Feminists especially the Radical Feminists. I fail to understand why I am considered toxic because I don't have the personality of Fred Rogers or Bob Ross. I am sorry if I am prone to angry outbursts sometimes, I get it from my own father who did that as well. Maybe it's the Norwegian ancestry possibly.

Personally, I still believe the traditional form of masculinity is still healthy for the most part. What we lack nowadays is outlets to express the negative stuff that doesn't harm others. I mean places like men's groups where we can talk to other people behind closed doors about daily frustrations and have an activity to help blow off the steam. But those groups were deemed problematic and therefore have went by the wayside. But these are my feelings on this. I consider my political views to be left of center so I don't fully subscribe to everything on the left wing agenda nor do I fully believe in everything on the right either. So that's why my opinion is where it's at.

Imakemyownnamereddit · 2025-04-13T08:27:23+00:00

The problem, the huge gap between what progressive society claims to be and what it actually is.

Men are still judged on their strength and size. They are judged on their ability to banter and put other men down.

The biggest enforcers of masculinity are women. Feminists can go on about how their movement frees men from gender norms but that means nothing if those same feminists swipe left on any guy who isn't 6 foot/muscular, doesn't have masculine features or reject men for not earning enough.

Feminists have to walk the walk, if it is all talk, their movement is meaningless.

Wadeem53 · 2025-04-12T14:19:22+00:00

I LOVE masculinity, but I HATE when someone tries to force some imaginary gender roles and stereotypes on others, grown men can decide for themselves what to do with their lives...

Upper-Divide-7842 · 2025-04-13T11:22:04+00:00

For me, at least, masculinity is a descriptive term not a prescriptive one.

It's the traits generally observable in men rather than woman. Everyone has a random assortment of traits but they trend in certain ways based on biological sex. Or in some cases certain otherwise identical traits express in different ways due to the biological reality of differences between the sexes.

I have more masculine traits than feminine ones. This was statistically likley to be the case BECAUSE I am a man.

I don't try to live up to any ideal of masculinity. The notion is nonsensical to me.

This is likely to be at least in part because I am low in the feminine traits of sociability and agreeableness. The (relative) lack of these traits makes me less vulnerable to social contagion but more prone to antisocial behaviour.

vegetables-10000 · 2025-04-12T14:47:06+00:00

Don't have a relationship with it at all.

TheRealMasonMac · 2025-04-13T00:15:05+00:00

Masculinity, to me, is associated with struggling to create a better tomorrow even if the entire world does not stand with you. Femininity, to me, is associated being supportive of the happiness of others in addition to your own to make the experience of life for everyone more vibrant.

My father grew up extremely poor and lived in a country suffering from a one-sided war, and later as a teenager went to do labor in another country to support his family. He literally lifted himself from the bootstraps into middle class in his country in a way Westerners would not understand, IMO. And then, he had to start again from a point of being poor when he came to America with our family. While doing so, he built an orphanage back home and has continuously paid for everything out of pocket because he believes it is the right thing to do. He doesn't care about money -- he wants his family to be well, and to do what he can for the people around him. And he wants to, in the future, build a hospital in his hometown because his mother died from inadequate healthcare availability, and he doesn't want anyone else to suffer from that.

And then, as a child, I started seeing how feminists demonize men for characteristics I could never ever associate with the men in my family. It was so infuriating watching these people who were so advantaged simply by being born in a Western country speak down to men.

Honestly, I would like for men to be able to express themselves more without just being judged. Personally, I would love to wear everyday makeup but I would never feel comfortable doing that.

1bnna2bnna3bnna · 2025-04-12T11:45:25+00:00

I see it as the small, but material behavioral and attitudinal differences I share with other men that my wife both laughs at and loves. There is a physicality to it and the mental or psychological component is one characterised by reductionism and a sense of action primacy.

Relaxed_Helper · 2025-04-12T14:20:30+00:00

Personally, my relationship with masculinity is pretty good, I just ignore the people telling me what it is and try to be a good person

The-Author · 2025-04-12T14:43:43+00:00

I view masculinity as largely a cultural construct. It's something that I perform largely out of convenience so I get treated normally and can exist in peace. I try to focus on being a good person that being a good man.

Spellsw0rdX · 2025-04-13T07:09:17+00:00

I have always had a pretty positive relationship with masculinity. A lot of my uncles and grandfathers were very masculine with a decent sense of what’s right and what’s wrong. A lot of them also loved to party. I ended up somehow being a nerd and an athlete so shit was strange for me growing up

Jaybird149 · 2025-04-13T14:31:42+00:00

I hardly give it any thought at all, really.

I mean, maybe the most I think about it is I’ll avoid some girly color on some things but that’s it. I’m not someone who’s obsessed with this gender war bullshit.

Former_Range_1730 · 2025-04-13T19:33:31+00:00

To me the most masculine thing about a man is a highly rational mind. My relationship with that is, the more calm and rational I am, the more problems I can solve and put the people around me who have problems, at ease.

Miserable-Willow6105 · 2025-04-14T01:34:13+00:00

My relationship was quite negative.

Nothing inherently bad, I am just not willing to apply it to myself.

towaway7777 · 2025-04-14T15:22:39+00:00

It's pretty chill

carverchile75 · 2025-04-16T00:07:56+00:00

I really don't know what "masculinity" means. It's this amorphous series of characteristics that people attribute to male behavior, but doesn't apply to all that well to men generally, and isn't applied by people consistently either.

I don't feel at odds with some aspects of stereotypical masculinity--I like sports, beer, action movies, hard rock music. I have a decent beard, I like camping. I'm not a gun guy, but I admit shooting is kind of fun. I'm tall, but not especially broad shouldered.

But I know women who like most of those things too, so is it masculinity, or is it just a person thing?

I also like cooking, keeping a clean house, museums.

What I don't like is society telling me what I am or have to do. I don't like having to support my ex-wife due to some notions of provider-for-life. I don't think I have a special obligation to police other men; i feel no urge to put all women on a lifeboat before me; I don't want to have to kill all the spiders or pay 100% for dates because I'm a man. If I want to wear something pink, I don't want it cause drama.

So I don't really have strong feelings about masculinity because I don't think it's all that real of a thing. But I sure don't like society judging what I do as not masculine enough.

No-Ground604 · 2025-04-16T03:56:40+00:00

it’s gg go next (lifetime)

No_Philosopher_1171 · 2025-04-16T06:15:57+00:00

I've found that masculinity and femininity are immutable properties which cannot be ascribed to people, but to objects, beliefs, philosophies, and certain actions.

And there is no human on earth who is 100% masculine or 100% feminine.

Every time a woman or girl looks at something and calls it pretty, that is masculinity, because aestheticism is masculine, it is purely physical and everything physical is masculine.

Everytime you say "hello" to someone you exhibit femininity, because it is purely social, and that is one of the common aspects, over the decades, given to the feminine.

AcolyteOfCynicism · 2025-04-16T16:40:45+00:00

To be honest I don't have one, like my ND brain's architecture just doesn't even consider such things. I've always thought of myself as person and being male is just one of many arbitrary traits.
So if you ask me something like "As a man, how did that make you feel?" I'm like "I have no idea, I've never been anything other than what I am and I don't even know how that compares to what other might call masculinity, I have no frame of reference or way to discern if I even have what one might call masculinity. And if its just the personality of someone who happens to identify as male then just call it personality."

sunyata150 · 2025-04-16T16:44:59+00:00

Not good... I just want the freedom to be myself regardless if it could be considered masculine, feminine or neutral. Unfortunately, society still expects men to live up to all kinds of masculine gender norms that I have zero interest in which can be frustrating and leave me out of place in society.

Initial_Zebra100 · 2025-04-12T10:53:10+00:00

Problematic. I want to just be myself but often feel certain ideas simply don't match myself. It's difficult. Not all bad, just complicated.

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