Loneliness feels different now

fixingmedaybyday · 2025-04-21T19:50:04+00:00

Get into an outdoor activity - bonus if it's social/semi-social. Stay away from the addictions.

During the end of my marriage, I was in the shape of my life. Managed to do well for a year or 2 after the divorce, but the emptiness, pain and loneliness finally won and I started going to bars to meet people. Which lead to bumming cigarettes occasionally which lead me back to a pack a day habit again. Now, I'm a pack-a-day smoker and a drunk and as much as I want to be in that kick ass health again, the urge to get through just the next hour is too much.

STAY AWAY FROM THE ADDICTIONS. They'll come back worse than the first time you kicked them.

EvalCrux · 2025-04-21T08:15:24+00:00

So I am in the middle and have some new expenses to explain - parawing foiling! A water wind sport.

My explanation - way cheaper happiness than the wealth destroying plot she embarked on.

So the point is - dive into a legit new experience/hobby. Not just working out. Enough just working out, esp that’s already your job lol.

hazalo9 · 2025-04-21T02:00:15+00:00

It's completely understandable to feel intense pain and loneliness missing your boys, especially during this separation and holiday break; acknowledge that this feeling is valid but temporary. Combat low motivation and urges by forcing small actions even when you don't feel like it, being direct with your therapist about these specific struggles, and having immediate distraction plans ready for when urges hit. Focus on planning something simple for their return and try to connect briefly via call or text if possible. Crucially, reach out to friends, family, or your therapist for support instead of isolating yourself when you feel overwhelmed. Remember, getting through this difficult time by caring for yourself is essential to being the strong, present father your sons need. Good luck bro!

upvotersfortruth · 2025-04-20T22:45:45+00:00

You should always be happy for them having a good time. Missing out on it sucks, though. Maybe I’m strange but I just use the time without them to work on my business or some other personal endeavor, which will benefit all of us in the long run. That way I can feel I’m doing something for them even though they’re not with me.

funzys · 2025-04-20T21:14:04+00:00

I’m going through it now too. One thing I started doing was talking to myself out loud when the mind begins to race. I say mantra like things and the like but I realized just thinking them wasn’t as effective. It helps for a bit.

I haven’t gotten over the loneliness either but you start to become a little more at peace with it.

Ok-Cause1108 · 2025-04-20T19:23:59+00:00

Wake up. Make yourself an awesome breakfast, Take your dog for a walk. Come back and prep your meals for the week. Go to the gym. Go see Warfare. Come home and eat, sleep like a baby. Thats your Easter Sunday.

Dont have a dog? Get one.

Don't have a gym membrship? Get one.

Don't know a thing about nutrition, training or sleep hygiene? Hire a personal trainer for 3 months. 35yo+, get yourself on TRT.

Therapy, reading, and meditating will do nothing if you do not apply anything you have learned. Men were designed to move their bodies and work hard. You get strong by becoming strong - meditating won't cut it.

LashkarNaraanji123 · 2025-04-20T19:09:51+00:00

Start doing, hit the gym, take a (literal) hike in the park, go for a swim. Pick a new or old abandoned hobby and do something this day to reignite it, even if it's a cheap plinker guitar or a starter aquarium or what have you.

BornBandicoot2515 · 2025-04-20T17:26:53+00:00

I hear you and I’m sorry you are going through this. It’s very tough. I have 2 kids, 6 and 8.

They are with the X for Easter. Yeah, it’s lonely and depressing. It’s ok to feel those things.

As I’m sure you already know you must stay busy. Keep moving. It’s hard, I know. I have to motivate myself as well. Some days I literally have to force myself to move.

A social network is imperative. If you are already working out, reading, doing therapy and a lot of stuff around the house then the last piece is the socializing. I have not done it yet but I will be looking into divorce group for support.

Time and distance are really the key. Focus on your kids and the time with them. I was going to do a post soon on things to do with the kids bc frankly I was always the provider but the X did most of the social stuff with the kids so I know I need help there.

It’s hard. All of it is. But day by day it should get easier. It’s not linear. There will be ups and downs. But you are strong and you will push through.

Wishing us all peace and joy on the tough days.

Slowloris81 · 2025-04-20T17:04:26+00:00

I feel for you. My kids were the exact same age upon separation and the holidays were the worst for me (still are) because I have to celebrate with the kids on my own on the days I have them (50/50 split).

Know that it’s ok to feel down. These feelings will never go away, especially during the holidays.

What helped me get through it is seeing the kids happy when they’re with me. Those are unique memories that only you have and formed with them. No toxicity from your ex to poison it.

It also helped to form a social support network if you don’t have one and rely on it, especially with divorced/separated dads. I made a long post about that a couple months back with some suggestions if it might be helpful.

Hang in there. There are hard days, with the holidays being the toughest, but know there are good ones too.

deweys · 2025-04-20T16:53:43+00:00

The first year of holidays hits hardest man. Especially the big ones like Christmas.

Everyone is always saying how it takes time. I didn't think those rules applied to me and that it would never get any easier.

But it did.

Title	Loneliness feels different now
Author	Unsainted_smoke
Upvotes	17
Comments	24
Date	April 20, 2025 4:30 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1k3qg93/loneliness_feels_different_now/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/loneliness-feels-different-now.1550130 https://theredarchive.com/post/1550130

Comments