Why Do Women in Relationships Expect Single Men to Date Fat People?

mikerichh · 2025-04-28T16:44:06+00:00

I think this is how most people think but aren’t saying or admitting

If I go to the gym and have daily walks to keep my weight down and muscle mass up I think it’s perfect to reasonable to look for a partner who has a similar active lifestyle. The reverse is also true: a couch potato probably isn’t a good match for a marathon runner. It’s not black and white, and love transcends physical looks, but overall I think this preference is common

I would recommend you don’t insult anyone for their weight but it’s fine to have body type preferences, especially when it comes to a life partner

kuzism · 2025-04-28T16:45:38+00:00

According to the National Health and Nutrition Examination Survey (NHANES), the average weight for adult females in the United States is approximately 170.8 pounds.

springy · 2025-04-28T19:29:01+00:00

In the US, women's expectations of how men should look are "preferences" and "standards", whereas men's expectation or how women should look are "superficial" and "a sign of insecurity". Overall, women "raising their standards" (i.e. increasing their expectations) is seen as "self confidence", whereas men doing the same is a seen as the sexist patriarchy controlling women and their bodies.

Environmental_Toe488 · 2025-04-28T17:54:20+00:00

I've noticed that if you don't already have a gf, or an ongoing romantic interest, it can put you into this category of “low desirability, low charisma, can just be happy with any girl” by many womens assessment. This could be regardless of your actual objective attractiveness. But as soon as it seems like you have options, maybe some more attractive than the girl you are having discussions with, things change. Then sometimes it feels like everyone is coming on to you bc there is a very real sense of “mate” competition.

The other thing I've noticed too is that any girl who is single, and trying to set you up with their friend, is a girl who already doesn't see you as a viable option for themself. If she doesn't think you are good enough for her, often times she will refer you to options less desirable than herself instinctively. I know this bc I've had chicks absolutely refuse to set us up with any of their friends, bc they themselves might have been interested in someone and they don't want the competition. There was this Chiefs cheerleader chick (back when they were terrible and not trendy) in the college dance symposium who was celibate, but would refuse to bring any other cheerleaders around our friend group bc they definitely weren't. It wasn't that she was outwardly and vocally objecting, but she just never wanted to do it. Friend’s sister and Pageant girl competing for Ms. Kansas, same thing. She never brought those other girls around. None of us tried to get with her out of respect for our buddy and bc of the general awkwardness (bc she felt like our little sister almost and they freaking lived together). And it wasn't that these girls hated us, bc they still hung around our group constantly and went to fraternity events as formal/semi-formal dates and stuff.

TLDR; Many girls will rate your attractiveness less on physical looks and more based on how many other girls are competing for your attention. Think Pete Davidson.

LoanEquivalent5467 · 2025-04-28T18:02:40+00:00

Women often feel bad for their overweight friends because they get less attention. Since they’re in a relationship themselves, they start thinking their friend should be in one too. But again, it’s the same mindset: focusing on what they want, without ever stopping to ask, “What does the man want?”

Same_Sentence_3470 · 2025-04-28T19:27:58+00:00

In my experience when a women sets up a man with another women it is always for the women’s benefit not the man’s. Women have extreme physical requirements for the men they date but consider it selfish and superficial if men have even the slightest physical requirements for the women they date. They are aware how hypocritical it is but they probably believe that if they continue to propagate the lie it will eventually be accepted. I agree with you, it’s not about someone being overweight, it’s about that person’s lifestyle doesn’t fit yours so the relationship isn’t going to work. Stick to your lifestyle and standards and do what’s right

NullIsUndefined · 2025-04-28T17:20:51+00:00

Fat people often date each other. But when one loses weight it can affect the relationship. I have seen it go awry

mrkpxx · 2025-04-28T17:43:44+00:00

The ingroup preference among women is 4.5 times higher than that of men. It doesn't matter how you feel, as long as the female friend is happy.

jack_avram · 2025-04-28T17:17:34+00:00

A lot less accountability of putting in the work on diet and fitness to be presentable for many these days. It's hardwired in nature though and can't truly be disrespected when it comes to sharpening up some physique and general presentability. Often one major trick is sticking to the most real food possible and using motion like medicine (good daily walk). It's reckless to consider being out of the game as healthy though and expecting attractiveness to magically follow. As vain as it sounds, looks are significant - which can be unfortunate or fortunate, depending on the mindset of engaging such in healthy authentic ways.

Dark_Prince_of_Chaos · 2025-04-28T18:31:07+00:00

The real question is why these women don't date fat guys.

sunfl0w3rs_r · 2025-04-28T17:30:15+00:00

It's also just saving yourself from hardship later in life. The person if at an unhealthy weight is more likely to die sooner, leaving you grieving and lonely for years. You want someone who's lifespan is close to yours.

Goldfinger_28 · 2025-04-28T18:15:31+00:00

Men tell each other if they're getting fat and motivate each other to work out whilst women tell their friends who are fat that they're 10s hence why they think they're beautiful and expect not to have to lose any weight to be attractive to men.

TallBlueEyedDevil · 2025-04-28T18:20:40+00:00

Because of the fat acceptance movement, the HAES movement, and just a general decline in holding people accountable. The Yaass queens will continue to think they look good when they can't even wipe properly.

Consistent_Ad3181 · 2025-04-28T16:41:26+00:00

Fat people eat your food. #hides precious food#

No1LudmillaSimp · 2025-04-28T18:00:23+00:00

The problem is that fat chicks refuse to date someone their own size and insist they're still entitled to a towering, ottermode male model.

No_Leather3994 · 2025-04-28T16:54:35+00:00

I call it me-ism. They don't like the fact they might not be everyone's type so try to guilt/nudge people into dating them. My guess they like to think they have a chance and if they don't the other is a bigot who needs to be taught. Same way some women attack and call men for not being interested in them.

quandjereveauxloups · 2025-04-28T20:12:36+00:00

First and foremost, I completely support your position. You should not be shamed, cajoled, or pushed to date someone you don't want to.

And it's ok to have standards. If body composition is important to you, then hold that standard. Keep that spine nice and shiny (I know I'm singing to the choir, but I hope some encouragement may help).

If you want people to leave you alone about it more, maybe ask them what type of lifestyle the person has. Tell whoever that you're incredibly active, and want someone who fits into that.

I'm a fat guy myself, and I know I'm less active than I think I am. I think a lot of bigger people have the same problem. They think they're pretty active when they aren't as active as their brain/body is telling them.

Kind of like the way many people that did an activity think they burned a huge amount of calories, when it wasn't that many at all.

alter_furz · 2025-04-28T18:45:04+00:00

women are projecting.

THEY are desperate around 30 and further.

YOU are approaching your prime

ungodlycollector · 2025-04-28T18:24:33+00:00

I'm not emotionally investing into someone I can't carry away from danger. 🤷‍♂️

dope_star · 2025-04-28T17:02:10+00:00

Although I agree with the idea of your post, I don't see how this is a mens rights issue.

DJ_Care_Bear · 2025-04-28T17:59:16+00:00

Because men aren't allowed to do for themselves.

axmaxwell · 2025-04-28T16:44:58+00:00

Homie, at 6ft 140 you're the opposite end of the spectrum. You look unhealthy you're so skinny. 201 is optimal at 6ft, I'm 6ft3 265 but that's because all I do is build muscle

devil652_ · 2025-04-28T16:47:30+00:00

Sometimes it might not even go through their mind.

They might be too distracted by the attempt of trying to get electricity, that they dont even notice that the plug wont work on the outlet they're trying to hook it up to.

OctoChill · 2025-04-28T20:41:58+00:00

Just date someone with common interests, like hiking in the morning & healthy cooking. Ignore the potential dates that aren’t good matches & move on. I don’t understand why this is men’s rights related.

Lord_of_Entropy · 2025-04-28T21:39:04+00:00

Everyone has preferences. If you aren't attracted to her heavy friend, just say "I'm not attracted to her" and move on. You deserve to find a partner you will be happy with.

liltrex94 · 2025-04-28T17:15:04+00:00

I am a woman so may not be the greatest at explaining this at all. I am also 30, in good shape and have had boyfriends that are on the chubby side. Work active jobs and exercise regularly. I have a type. Whilst I am in shape, I like a partner who is not 'ripped' from the gym. I love a cuddly body to snuggle with. I'm very toned, but my ex would enjoy when my tummy got 'love handles' throughout my menstrual cycle. From flat to to flab, every few weeks due to hormones. It also had a lot to do with pheromones, he was more attracted to me when I was ovulating and a lil bloated, than he was when I was completely toned.

I will agree that obesity is not attractive to most people. There are a strange niche of men that are feeders and love 'fat' women, but you don't have to compromise your expectations in a partner because of social pressure. I wouldn't date a very fat person as a woman. I think that porn has lowered societal standards in that BBW shpuld be desired bt every man. I work in the sex industry and it is incredibly varied. I have certain clients, BBW have certain clients. I would not expect a man who like BBW's to be attracted to me and pay for my services, nor would I be offended by it. It isn't that deep, people are attracted to what they are attracted to. It is ridiculous to be shamed for not being attracted to what you are not attracted to. That would be deception and is not healthy for either party involved.

Date the type of women you are interested in. You don't need to give someone a chance just because someone else pressures you to.

I hope I don't get too much hate for being a SWer, I am an advocate for men's rights until it comes to the occasional ridiculous posts on here that get taken down anyway.

SidewaysGiraffe · 2025-04-28T18:55:42+00:00

Well, the good news is that you DON'T have to take the path by yourself; there are many, many others who feel the same way. The bad news is that it's rank hypocrisy, and if you look closer, you'll be much less pleased with your choice of traveling companions.

You want the benefit of not having to date people you don't find attractive without the drawback of having to admit it's a matter of shallowness. This allows you to keep looking down your nose at vapid, empty-headed women who put no thought beyond "he's so sexy" into who they choose to date (which is why you're bothering to post it online, instead of simply living the way you choose in silence), but anyone with the guts to point out that the emperor is naked is going to call you on it- and here, it looks like that's me.

You claim that your active lifestyle makes you a poor fit for a more sedentary partner, and that much is (assuming you're telling the truth about it, which seems likely) perfectly true- but then you assume anyone who's fat IS sedentary, which is simply not the case. Try arm-wrestling a sumo wrestler if you don't believe me. They're quite fat- and have musculature that puts weightlifters to shame.

You further make the assumption that frequent exercise and "proper" diet is the One True Pathway to health- try asking Jim Fixx about that. Remember him? Major runner, trained for the Boston Marathon, wrote two best-selling books about the joys of running, and dropped dead of a heart attack at age 52 while running? Or Jerome "I'll live to be 100, if I'm not run down by some sugar-crazed taxi driver" Rodale, who keeled over dead on an episode of the Dick Cavett show at 71? Cavett himself is still going strong at 88. You're "6' tall and 140ish pounds"; unless you're somehow living on Mars, you're seriously underweight- or perhaps just small-framed and slender. "Healthy" is a matter of proper biological function, not sliding to within a specific range of numbers.

Diet and exercise are things you have control over; your genetics and environment are not. Thus the Platonic "noble lie" that overstates their importance- which in turn leads to your third mistake, the unspoken assumption that what YOU do is any less of a habit than what they do. A habit is, by definition, a bad thing; madness doesn't come by breaking out, but by giving in- but that applies just as much to your actions as to other peoples'.

Now, if you don't want to date fat people? That's perfectly fine. Honest- and I say that as a fat person. You're perfectly welcome to choose other people. But if you can't accept shallowness for what it is, you're not being honest, even with yourself.

Toxicoman · 2025-04-28T20:43:38+00:00

You need to keep in mind who frequents this cess pool of a website. It’s not a good representation of the population.

It’s incredibly left leaning as whole. Lots of virtue signalling. Fat is beautiful. If you go against the grain you will killed for it. You see it a lot in the r/tinder especially. “Help me with my profile I’m not getting likes.” Really?? Maybe it’s the fact that you are 3 people in one and don’t look like self improvement is important.

This is not real life.

Your opinion is perfectly valid. You are attracted to what you are. Don’t let anyone tell you different. Some of this is hardwired into our brain from an evolutionary standpoint. I want my partner to exercise and go adventures with me. That’s a big deal breaker. My soon to be wife is very athletic and works at it. Shes not model thin but I can’t keep my hands off her.

There’s some friends of mine who love big women. I myself like them a bit thick. Mmmm.

To each is own.

If there can be 100 000 genders, we should be allowed to mate with what we want. All the power to you.

OppositeBid771 · 2025-04-28T17:13:47+00:00

They're likely telling you this because they think your standards are too high for what you have to offer. If you're happy being single, stay single and tell them you would prefer not to have their advice.

Roamer56 · 2025-04-28T17:49:48+00:00

No one is forcing you to date them. If you have a personal preference, by all means run with it. Just be kind and gracious when rejecting them.

Sea-Musician-3289 · 2025-04-28T17:17:21+00:00

Don't date who you don't want to, but maybe they are just suggesting you to date in your league

Lurk-Prowl · 2025-04-28T19:59:49+00:00

OP, here’s the relationship status tier list:

Being in a relationship with someone you want to date (top tier and almost euphoric in some cases).
Being happily single (also very good and can be better than option 1 for some people).
Being single and lonely (most of the time it’ll be good but sometimes you wish you had someone).
Being in a relationship where you feel trapped (worst KMS feeling tier you could be in).

Based on that, don’t force it with these fat girls if you’re not interested in them. Enjoy being 30 and only date someone who will improve the quality of your life.

cheffy3369 · 2025-04-28T21:38:50+00:00

There is absolutely nothing wrong with your preference not to date fate people.

However, I will say if you are 6 ft tall and only 140 lb then you are actually underweight and you would be healthier if you were closed the ideal weight for your height.

EspressoAddict13 · 2025-04-28T21:46:11+00:00

Maybe you just need to find someone who is more like you in a lifestyle sense, I bet they would be thinner just to keep up that activity level.
Find an activity partner, and maybe it could turn into something more.

I think the people trying to set you up just want couple pals to hang with when they are coupled themselves.

StopManaCheating · 2025-04-28T22:58:36+00:00

Women have no say in our preferences and vice versa.

Everyone needs a tall glass of shut the fuck up and mind your own business.

grannqnito · 2025-04-28T23:02:34+00:00

Let me clear something out. Your friend, the one with the overweighted friend. Is she the kind of girl that has never gone to the gym but it's genetically in shape and only needs to sit on a date and smile to get a boyfriend?

If the answer is yes. I think it's like a class-guilt. Like those people born middle class that went to university and then got some ideas like university (and education in general) should be 100% free, public health, public roads, public everything because some people didn't have the same opportunities them have but "rich should pay for all that" pointing to the upper middle class because they don't even know how really rich people live.

In that analogy you are the upper middle class that should care of the poors.

Meanwhile, the REALLY good looking girls, the ones that have genetics but also train and have dedicated beauty routines, investing effort in landing a really good prospect (maybe becoming a trophy wife) know that good guys aren't granted and for that reason they don't expect someone should get a good one for free.

I know you didn't ask advice but if you want me to share a suggestion on how dodging thar kind of bullets reply to this comment (I'm not like you, but I know I should be more like you)

Content_Attempt_6782 · 2025-04-28T23:10:00+00:00

You are too skinny for me and I would not date you.

Allmon_Butter · 2025-04-28T23:38:34+00:00

No one has ever asked me to date fat women lol wtf

tomowudi · 2025-04-28T17:15:52+00:00

At a certain point you should start to question your influence on the community you cultivate around yourself.

My community of friends would never tell me I shouldn't date fat people and I'm a fat person. They might tell me to be realistic about my expectations, but my life is made up of my choices.

That being said, your experience of fat people isn't the full picture. You seem to have a habit of making the assumption that your sample size is sufficient for you to be judgemental of people who aren't you. Meanwhile you don't seem to have a significant enough number of people telling you that your choices about who to date and why are reasonable. Perhaps being judgemental about people because you are confident that things are their fault is the common ground that you and the community of people you have around you share.

But my community of people are different from your community. I could spend time with people like you - but I don't. I don't enjoy being around judgmental people. I like being around people that are actually accepting and supportive of who I am, not people that pay lip service while silently judging me behind my back. I know who those people are and so I don't make an effort to keep them around me.

Thus my behavior and choices have "trimmed the fat" of my own community, and I am not stuck with a judgmental peer group that thinks that it's ok to tell me who I should date and why.

You know what all of your relationships have in common?

You.

Sad_Letterhead_6673 · 2025-04-28T17:26:45+00:00

The same reason ugly men with shitty personalities think they deserve beautiful women

kit-kat315 · 2025-04-28T17:20:00+00:00

Could it be that they're just recommending "average" people?

In the US, 70% of people are overweight or obese (men and women both). Chances are that any random friend of a friend will be overweight.

Title	Why Do Women in Relationships Expect Single Men to Date Fat People?
Author	VivaCaligula_
Upvotes	259
Comments	70
Date	April 28, 2025 4:36 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/1ka00ov/why_do_women_in_relationships_expect_single_men/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/why-do-women-in-relationships-expect-single-men-to.1550874 https://theredarchive.com/post/1550874

Comments