“Trauma dumping”

YetAgain67 · 2025-05-04T04:37:04+00:00

Just another hypocrisy check on the endless list of "men need to open up - no not like that!"

Impossible_Serve7405 · 2025-05-04T06:08:04+00:00

When I hear people severely overuse or misuse phrases like: "Emotional labor", "fragile masculinity", "toxic masculinity", "hurt ego" I instantly become suspicious of them. Not to say those phrases are always used in bad faith rants, but from what I've seen they're pretty popular buzz words amoung hypocritical and raging misandrists.

TheRealMasonMac · 2025-05-04T07:28:37+00:00

I believe there is value in allowing people to open up to you about past traumatic experiences, but I became more hesitant about allowing it with women unless they were close friends of mine or we already clicked. I feel a lot of women take it for granted that they can share their traumas to men and don't attach as much value to it as it actually holds. Like, if you share your negative experiences to me, I should be able to do the same to you.

aslfingerspell · 2025-05-04T19:03:29+00:00

As a male rape victim I wrote to advice columnists on how to find safe, consensual sex. I talked about how finding a loving, safe partner would help me heal from trauma.

The columnists were nice enough but people in the comments mocked me and said I was pressuring someone to fix me. People said I had a bad personality, accused me of being a porn addict, and said it was good I was alone so I wouldn't burden anyone else.

vegetables-10000 · 2025-05-05T00:25:38+00:00

Toxic masculinity when men don't show feelings

And

Trauma dumping when men do show emotions.

It's the same old feminist hypocrisy.

rump_truck · 2025-05-04T14:15:04+00:00

I agree with them that there is a calibration process, that you have to size the complaint to the relationship and the situation. I've seen guys way overshoot that and drop stuff that is way too heavy. That said, I've also seen women get far more wiggle room than men do. Women are calibrating to a target the size of a lake, then shitting on men for missing a target the size of a bucket.

StoneTown · 2025-05-04T17:09:01+00:00

Been there, we're not allowed to have problems unless it's convenient for other people. Which is never. We're told to reach out then we get ghosted when we do. Then our body gets reported on the local news and our "friends" wonder why we didn't reach out when they left us on read.

I always tell my actual friends to talk to me, and I listen when they do. I try my best to keep tabs on them because society isn't kind to men, hence the high suicide rate. They've got a lot to say, it's so normal for especially guys to be treated like shit and to expect zero help from anyone by default. If you're drunk and need a ride at 2AM, call me. I'll get mad at you if you drive drunk but I'll only be annoyed if you wake me up. If you've got another gun to your head, call me. I'll come over and remind you that you're not alone. I'm used to suicide attempts from both sides of the conversation at this point. Dumping some of our trauma on our friends can literally save our lives and telling us to hold that in is evil.

Check in on your friends often.

Lets_Remain_Logical · 2025-05-04T10:22:24+00:00

Yeah. And the same people who would use "trauma dumping" will patronise men because "they can't talk about their feelings". I busted so many people committing this double standard!

Initial_Zebra100 · 2025-05-04T18:46:11+00:00

Huh. This is actually a really fucking good point!

I've been so conditioned not to do this, I practically apologised to my ex, she was almost begging me to open up (we broke up for religious reasons not for that, she was great at holding space).

This is definitely a double standard. Damn. Blown my mind here.

Skirt_Douglas · 2025-05-04T17:01:00+00:00

The biggest offensive thing to me is when women blatantly lie and say men trauma dump on women more than woman trauma dump on women.

NO WE FUCKING DON’T, GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE WITH THAT SHIT.

Women trauma dump waaaaaaaay more than men, the only difference is they don’t consider it a burden when women do it.

You can’t have this both ways: men cannot both be reluctant to show vulnerability and simultaneously be ready to dump all their trauma on a hair trigger. We literally can’t be both.

Saerain · 2025-05-04T22:22:17+00:00

Yeah I'm sorry that I went through a childhood where such things made the adults laugh at you if not grow angry. There's a lot of buildup, okay.

ThatAKGuy74 · 2025-05-07T05:51:03+00:00

I've tried to open up about being SA'd as a child but because the perpetrator was a woman I was somehow not a victim, must have wanted it, probably enjoyed it, couldn't actually have any trauma and clearly the perpetrator must have learned it from a man... I was like 8 years old.. So safe to say I'm not doing that again since so called "safe spaces" are not safe if men aren't the villian.

KingMelray · 2025-05-05T13:29:15+00:00

It's unfortunately true that for most men they will not be able to lean on their wives or girlfriends for emotional support.

onetimeuseaccc · 2025-05-05T17:10:41+00:00

To women trauma dumping means showing an unattractive amount of weakness, which is often very little and the justification or the circumstances surrounding the display of weakness are entirely irrelevant

eldred2 · 2025-05-05T22:33:11+00:00

There's always an excuse to silence men when they are victims.

Camelsnake · 2025-05-05T21:59:44+00:00

It's a bias man. You know it, we know it, they know it. Feels like trying point this out with logic never works

The_UndeadAngel · 2025-05-07T16:23:45+00:00

it's a weird contradiction with the movement for them to say they want men to be more vulnerable, then complain that they're trauma dumping or forcing them to do emotional labor, but then lecturing them on why stoicism is bad for your mental health.

They complain that men aren't emotionally vulnerable while not giving them space to do so.

I get this is really a societal thing, but they don't really understand how much they still contribute to it

Semynona · 2025-05-05T17:15:42+00:00

I do not believe in trauma dumping. When someone shares something difficult they have been through, the only person who is suffering is the person reliving the traumatic experience to share it with the trusted person. If the trusted person is empathetic they might share the suffering of that person however they would feel relief and happiness to alleviate the person's suffering, not burdened. People who lack empathy do feel burdened, however the problem isn't with the person who shared their burden but with the individual who lacks empathy to that level, a sign of narcissism.

Our societies having become more individualistic those narcissistic traits have become more common, hence the new notion of trauma dumping, a way for narcissistic individuals to victimise themselves.

Where I don't agree with the thread is that I'm female and I've been censored, quieted and distanced from, very frequently with the accusations of trauma dumping for simply sharing my difficult experiences (I didn't have the easiest life), both from males and females.

And I have noticed that females are more tolerant and empathetic in listening to one's traumatic experience if that person is male, than they are towards other females where they might guarantee superficially to be on their side but won't stand hearing the details of the experience.

In short males are more likely to be judged, not believed or vilified when sharing to females than females would be (societal norm for females is to be supportive of their peers, officially..) but also when listened to without judgement are more likely to receive true emotional support from a female than a female would. But that's mainly because males almost only open to a love interest whereas females expect to be listened to and understood by other females.

In my personal experience I've received validation from females when sharing about SA experiences but couldn't share in a more therapeutic way about my experience for other females would find it triggering and too much to hear. With males it was the reverse, there was a lot of disbelief and minimising my experience, however it is with males that I've been able to talk about it more in depth to face it.

Trauma dumping is more frequently used by females to not give emotional support but I genuinely don't feel like it is more frequently aimed at males than it is at females. Mainly because it is more difficult to be an emotional support for things that could happen to us and we are scared of, than for experiences that feel very distant from what we could experience.

When a female opens to another female about SA, chances are she also had some experience of it that might trigger her especially when she has not yet processed it. The risk of being triggered by traumatic experiences from the other gender is lower making the person on average more emotionally available to hear it.

Pewdsofficial6ix9ine · 2025-05-05T14:03:32+00:00

To play devils advocate here I do think that Truama dumping can be a male issue at times because of the way some men rely on women for emotional support.

We all know a guy who probably has never opened up to anyone in his life except his girlfriend, and essentially uses her as a therapist/talks about his relationship with his mom after a month of dating

Title	“Trauma dumping”
Author	Snowstormssuck
Upvotes	204
Comments	37
Date	May 3, 2025 5:57 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates/comments/1kdlyxp/trauma_dumping/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates/trauma-dumping.1551378 https://theredarchive.com/post/1551378

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