Our marriage is all but legally over. She calls our current situation co-parenting. We live together. Shared accounts. Everything is civil in the house because I’m just going along with everything. She is spending money on anything the kids ask for. She has them living on fast food, even after I make dinner she will take them out to get something they want more. We are getting in way over our heads in debt. I’m just trying to stay afloat and coming up with ways to pay bills.

2 kids. (F 16) junior in HS. (M 14) in 8th grade. If we divorce I don’t know how we will be able to stay in the same school district. I can’t take my kids away from their friends. If I end this, it will be painted as my fault they have to move away from their friends. And my fault they can’t have everything they want. She will make me look completely at fault. There is way more to the story, but she has been trying to manipulate them for the last year. So I currently live a lonely life of trying to keep the peace, not say anything, and try to get through as long as I can. I’m a mess. I can’t concentrate at work. I have this constant anxious feeling in my gut. I don’t see a way out of this, and dark thoughts just keep coming in my head of taking the easy way out. I’m just going through the motions and putting on a fake smile at work and around friends. I’m in a bad place. I just keep telling myself to be a man and continue to provide for the family. Shut up about your feelings and emotions. And don’t harm myself because I’ll ruin my kids lives. And I feel like a P______ for not stepping up and ending the marriage.

I don’t know if this makes sense. My head and heart are all over the place.