Settlement Offers

No-Tomorrow8150 · 2025-08-27T03:16:27+00:00

Worthless in my case and complete waste of time and money.

guy_n_cognito_tu · 2025-08-26T14:48:28+00:00

The "Cash Grab" for lawyers is a litigated divorce. Their fees for a litigated divorce are typically 5x higher than a mediated one.

Your attorney can't help it if your spouse refuses to negotiate.

sentrybot619 · 2025-08-26T04:59:20+00:00

Settlement offers can be used strategically to establish you were the party trying to settle and keep this case out of court. So when you end up at trial you can posture your opponent as the reason the court is necessary.

jimsmythee · 2025-08-26T02:23:45+00:00

Luckily for me, my now exwife showed her true colors during mediation. She wanted everything. Every last dime; past, present and future. She wanted full custody the kids.

So I said “screw it” and we had to go to trial. The judge ruled heavily in my favor.

upvotersfortruth · 2025-08-26T02:16:15+00:00

Settlement offers are very effective if done right, at the right time and with the right context. Unfortunately, we men typically send settlement offers to try stop our own pain and bring the matter to a quick resolution - which never works. Worse yet, a lot of men send a "fair" or "generous" settlement offer very early on the process - which, rather than the other side jumping at it - they view it as a starting point and, like any zero sum game - ask for more. Or worse, decide the punishing you with the process is their ultimate goal. Google: anchoring negotiations

Game Theory: For zero sum games, negotiations are "positional" not "interest based". Positional bargaining is you start low, she starts high and hopefully you end up somewhere close to where it would shake out if the judge decided. Starting high or even at the middle - is almost always a losing strategy. On the other hand, provided the timing and context are correct, making a generous or very fair offer can close the deal. On the third hand, another game you can play is the "ever-decreasing" settlement offer - basically - this is the best offer you will get and it will only go down from here. Typically this isn't optimal but sometimes your only choice after you've made a premature generous offer.

Timing: Most settlement offer are premature. You want to end it, and you send a settlement offer signaling that you're weak and you want to end it. Hell, maybe she also wants to end it - but what's her better option - she can deny you what you want and punish you through the process. Divorce cases settle under a few circumstances: (1) someone runs out of money; (2) someone gives up; or (3) the parties begin to feel an ounce of empathy toward one another again. (3) is the best scenario and is actually easy to get to in most cases if you just say "sorry". Another post for another day. If you send an offer soon, while the conflict is still high - make sure it is a lowball offer - you want them to fire back either with a high offer or a "fuck you". You're not trying to settle the case - you're trying to get information. Late in the game, you are both tired, give them something they want to close it. Timing is very important.

Bargaining Chips: This is the first analysis you should do in your case. Categorize everything into what she wants/doesn't want, what you want/don't want, what you both want, what you both don't want. Don't consult her on this, just figure it out. If she really wants the house, keep pushing to sell it, then offer to buy her out or something and let her keep it in the end. She wants the dining room table, you don't - pretend you want it so you can toss it in with no loss to you. You need as many bargaining chips as possible to get to fair. At the same time, you are deeply in love with your 65 Chevelle - of course she knows it and she'll push to sell it or take it. Emotional value is also powerful.

Underlying Willingness to Litigate; Time Limited All offers should be made with an understanding you are willing to let the judge decide, which can't be words and needs to be real. All offers should automatically expire within a period of days, at most two or three weeks. Again, with the understanding that subsequent offers will be worse - in the case of a fair or generous offer.

Credibility There's a fine line between a lowball offer and a stupid offer. If you're making stupid offers, you lose credibility - which just prolongs things. Same with pretending you're willing to litigate but not backing it up somehow.

Good luck out there.

Upstairs-Pizza-1843 · 2025-08-26T00:41:55+00:00

Sending a settlement offer into the abyss means you have a shit lawyer. Lawyers should be able to work out the details themselves with input from their clients and a settlement offer is a mutually worked on document. You don't send a SO unless you know the other side will sign it or make minor changes in good faith before sent back for to be signed.

Same argument for mediation. Why go to mediation if you have lawyers? Sometimes it is necessary to triangulate the mediator into leaning on the client who is being unreasonable, but most of the time mediation is unnecessary if you have competent lawyers who know everything the mediator knows plus 1000 facts the mediator will never know.

RiseNo3399 · 2025-08-25T23:36:11+00:00

Divorce lawyers are almost universally out to make as much money as possible off you without any consideration for the outcome

DriftwoodGrove · 2025-08-25T23:34:39+00:00

This must be when the opposing party is wealthy, right?

Title	Settlement Offers
Author	ElZorroKazador
Upvotes	12
Comments	33
Date	August 25, 2025 9:43 PM UTC (11 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1n03n6t/settlement_offers/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/settlement-offers.1560472 https://theredarchive.com/post/1560472

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