Why

redpoynte · 2025-09-13T17:19:39+00:00

This is what I’m struggling with. How can she so easily throw away 28 years together and have no remorse? For better or worse…remember? Ya don’t just quit all of a sudden.

iqeq_noqueue · 2025-09-12T05:13:04+00:00

I mean, you should want it to work. That’s what you vow. That’s what you promise. One of you breaks that promise. Let her be the morally corrupt liar incapable of matching words and actions. Let her integrity forever bear out the truth of her fraud. Look her in the eye and say, “I showed up for you and you walked away. I’ll sleep fine at night knowing I kept my word while you quit and ran away.”

Mindless-Equal6160 · 2025-09-11T19:04:24+00:00

I know exactly how you feel I am at the same stage as you pretty much same situation. The logical part of my brain knows it's over but . The other part wants it to work and I think if I do this and do that we will get back together. But I am just kidding myself and torturing myself and i am getting sick of it . I just want to move on but I can't. People say it will get better with time, but at this moment it doesn't seem like it will happen anytime soon. I just want somebody to tell me what to do so it gets better faster, but at the minute I feel like a blind captain sailing the ship.

congo_sire · 2025-09-11T14:21:15+00:00

Don't feel bad at all, embrace that feeling when it comes up, don't shove it down or away, else it'll keep coming back for longer.

We're wired to protect and provide, so if you loved her, you can't do away with it this quickly, esp depending on how long you were married, and the fact that you have a kid together. As you said, you want your family to work or stay together.

If she doesn't want that, not much you can do but soldier on and care for yourself and kids.

In the mean time, find some events outside the house to occupy your mind with; join rec leagues, pick up a habit or two, and go on intentional dates (not casual sex, they'll set you back, trust me) every now and then.

This too, shall pass.

PurrpleCarrot42 · 2025-09-11T11:44:51+00:00

Can understand your pain, going thru gray divorce after 30 yrs being married.

Give it some time - they say it takes one month per year of being married (or in the relationship) to get over it.

And don’t beat yourself up if you’re still longing for it to somehow work out - just don’t put too much hope in it either.

It gets better, slowly but surely.

Own_Maybe9468 · 2025-09-11T10:53:31+00:00

I think cuz you haven't detached from her emotionally while she was probably long gone. Even months after divorce, I still feel the same way as you do. Every morning, the wave of emotions just gets to me. Eventually, you just learn to live with it because there is nothing you can do. My ex-wife and I still talk and have dinner together at the beginning of the divorce, but eventually, it just stops. She didn't even reply to my text when I asked her how she was doing. It is as if all the memories didn't exist before, and I was alone all along. I think this is just the weight we have to carry for our life. And yes, I have a girlfriend now. The feelings have yet to fade. No why. Sometimes, things happen, and all we can do is accept it, accept it as part of our lives.

Frito_P3ndejo · 2025-09-11T09:13:11+00:00

52 here feel your pain…changes and stresses in life and my relationship didn’t stay tethered. We have different value sets on a lot of things and probably better apart truthfully . What is nuts is I still want to try, she wont get couples therapy, just too far gone I guess. Men are fixers but not everything can be fixed. This late in life feels like the end of the world. She was gone for work for a couple days, I bought flowers and a card, wrote a letter about not giving up and left it by her bed (been sleeping in separate rooms). When she got home came directly to my room and told me tonight she wants to proceed with divorce and the terms. A real kick in the nuts. Snuck into her room to retrieve the flowers and stuff …

MonkeyBranchBuster · 2025-09-11T08:24:19+00:00

After I caught her cheating I knew I coulrn't fix the marriage but still tried to fix her and our future relationship as coparents. Gave her some honest advice and insight how men (me or her current or future lovers) think. She never budged, stated she'll never stop hating me. Zero remorse, introspection, accountability.

Eventually you have to give up.

Someone here said it, we men are fixers.

Agreeable_Current518 · 2025-09-11T06:42:07+00:00

Two things can be true. U can mourn the loss of the good that u had while letting go of the bad. Your head can disagree with your heart. Logically, you can know it’s better to move on, emotionally you can be still tied. And that’s natural, that’s ok. Either decision will feel the wonder of “what if?” U have to come to terms with that. Sometimes we have to make choices with our head and let our heart catch up.

wallydog71 · 2025-09-11T06:28:40+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Boglehead101 · 2025-09-11T06:15:32+00:00

Men are fixers.

Title	Why
Author	wallydog71
Upvotes	14
Comments	15
Date	September 11, 2025 6:06 AM UTC (10 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1ne167k/why/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/why.1561760 https://theredarchive.com/post/1561760

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