Wife would like to separate. We have two toddlers and a house together.

1millionBURNINGsuns · 2025-09-28T21:54:43+00:00

Refocus on the right things which is YOU then the kids. She doesn’t matter anymore. IDGAF what she says or does has done or is going to do.

You and the kids.

Stay in the house NO MATTER WHAT.

Stop worrying about money bs that’s 100 steps away. New passwords on everything. New bank accounts and cc for you. All the legal documents you have - take them somewhere other than your home and do not tell her. Take care of your kids MORE than ever. Take more pics and videos than ever and back them all up always. Don’t think too much just always be hitting the shutter.

She is not your friend any more in any way. She will eat your soul if you let her. She is not entitled to your anger anymore though. She is the mom of your kids that’s all. After you meet with a lawyer and draw up a cordial parenting plan then maybe use some brain energy to think about money. Until then, fuck money bc you can get more.

You can’t get time with your kids back.

Be careful.

DivorceCoachGio · 2025-09-26T15:53:18+00:00

Lots of missing info.
Start scouting attorneys and get some consults.
Based on your story and location, they'll tell you what you need to hear.

Pleasant-Mechanic-49 · 2025-09-26T11:46:47+00:00

You are the breadwinner. She will try to get the house. Either you sell it or you buy her out or reverse. But she will ask alimony and on a form of part of the house of she can pay you the remaining rest. As usual don't leave the house even if she asked you u less u plan to bleed financially while paying for 2 places and turn her as the primary parent with more future custody by default. Only a judge decision or false accusation of DV can throw you out but it needs a judge anyway

Acceptable_Piano4809 · 2025-09-25T16:00:25+00:00

She’s cheating 100%. I’m sorry but just know she’s got another guy lined up, no matter what she says. There’s no way she’s blowing this up to be Alone. They’ll swear to god, on everything there is no one else, but I’d just assume there is if I were you.

Thing is, anything you do, they’ll use it to bond over. “You wouldn’t believe what that crazy bastard did today”. “What did he do now?” They’ll bond over this w you as the common enemy.

If you give them nothing, they’ll look pathetic, and it will end sooner. But your marriage is over, it will never end w her coming back to you. Any resistance you put up will give them material to bond over. If you just move on, she’ll look pathetic and it will make them reevaluate their bond. She’ll prob end up trying to get back w you sooner if you do this, but you can’t take her back at this point. If you do, she’ll lose all respect for you regardless and they’ll be someone else in the picture next.

OctinoxateAndZinc · 2025-09-25T15:50:28+00:00

you need to speak with a lawyer immediately. We're talking before the weekend if you can. DO NOT tell your wife (once she knows you have one she should/will get one as well). Use a phone at work, new email, and pay in cash if you must. You need to get educated about the process, expectations, and outcomes.
Until someone files you're just having a fight. All money is marital money. All debit is marital debt. Consider locking down things - be ready to move cash/your paycheck to a new account. Consider canceling cards. Put on a credit freeze. I speak from experience when I say its better to ask forgiveness than permission. I could have moved about 20k at the start but my ex blew though cash like crazy during the process and we 'split' the remaining 7k. I should have just moved all of it. You will get bled dry if you allow it.
once someone files she will start doing the mental math on things and how both your lifestyles will change and she will NOT like it. If shes smart she gets a lawyer. If shes not she will have people in her ear feeding her information. Understand this: do NOT bother telling her how anything will go/play out. Anything you say will be deemed BS and she will resent you when it comes to pass.
Do not move our of your home.
Do not drink.

Barring any insanity 50/50 is the standard now. If you make more you will pay child support. Your state has a calculator, run it now and get an idea. make peace with that number. Remember that while this process can seem dauniting it has an end.

She knows your buttons and will press them if she thinks it is to her advantage. Do not let emotion run the show or it will screw you. You're going to hear things that WILL upset you (about custody, your home, assets, all your 'stuff', etc) but let it go. Its just words and she does not get to decide things. WHEN things get heated move ALL communication to email only and wait a day to reply to anything. If you let emotion do the talking it will screw you.

The first person to accept the dip in quality of life and change in income/assets is the first person to start to move on.

RedRibbon3KS · 2025-09-25T15:47:19+00:00

You need to get a lawyer asap. All the questions you have can be answered by the lawyer. I was stupid to wait until I got served 6 months later because I held out the hope that my ex would come back to her senses when she said, "I just want some space." Meanwhile everyone that has this experience (including Reddit) said that she was done and she had already lawyered up, which turned out to be true.

All the specific advice you get from here will be different because (assuming you live in the USA) each state has different laws. For me, living in California, it was 50-50 and I paid a lot of money to make sure I got 50-50 custody. I wanted more but she knows that is my priority so she fought against me getting more. Which is weird bc while we were married she didn't take care of the kids much and took every opportunity to leave us to go on girl trips. She ended up cheating on me but that had no bearing on the judgement.

My guess is you will have to pay alimony to her since she didn't make much. If you get 50-50 custody, the child support will be less or nill. But like I said, get a lawyer asap.

digcycle · 2025-09-25T15:43:06+00:00

Child support is what you owe to take care of basic kids needs and will be calculated according to the state and based on custody split. Alimony means what you owe the wife. If you’ve been married less than 10 years your chance you owe that part is lower. You may need to pay a transition alimony into she can get a job but hopefully not long term. Ultimately she needs to get a job based on her education and sustain herself. After divorce she is no longer your concern to sustain unless court ordered. Good luck and listen to your attorney. Do not move out until you have a written custody agreement and a separation agreement. Staying in the house is your leverage! You might not even have to leave. Stop funding her business. It’s not cash flowing and is a liability. Consider removing her access to your cards or limit her ability to accrue debt or spend it on non essential things.

dystinct · 2025-09-25T15:37:45+00:00

You will need to talk to a lawyer. If you want to get an idea of what spousal/child support will look like you can use an online calculator from your state. I think its pretty rare for the man to keep majority custody of the children, but we don't know your situation. I would plan on 50/50 custody at most.

Keep your head up.

Subtle-Catastrophe · 2025-09-25T15:23:51+00:00

"Not sure yet" means "yes." Go talk to the best lawyer who can take your call. I am very sorry this happened to you and your children. You're going to be ok.

Title	Wife would like to separate. We have two toddlers and a house together.
Author	BabyHams
Upvotes	10
Comments	31
Date	September 25, 2025 3:11 PM UTC (9 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1nq9dnm/wife_would_like_to_separate_we_have_two_toddlers/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/wife-would-like-to-separate-we-have-two-toddlers.1562779 https://theredarchive.com/post/1562779

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