I work. My wife is a self-employed beautician. She runs a small hair salon out of our home. This is a cash business. She uses the shield of my income to hide her business. She purchases supplies on her credit card, and then I pay the balance each month. She never hands me cash for the salon products she purchases. I had concerns I was paying for these supplies. She said she offset the costs by buying things for the house. We both smoke and she buys our cigarettes with cash. I assumed she used her cash for all otherhousehold purchases as well. I believed and trusted her. I allowed her to fully manage all household finances. I never checked the mail or the joint account beyond the balance. I allowed her to take my W-2 and file our taxes via a license tax professional .

I recently took a deep dive into the joint account. My checks are direct deposited. I use a debit card for all spending. My income and spending is fully traceable. I found that not only am I paying for every household expense including daycare so my wife can work. I do 50% of household chores as well. I totaled the sum of credit card spending. She has spent and I have paid 118k over the course of the last 4 years, 30k last year alone. It is HER credit card. The credit card company refuses to speak with me when I called. I conforted her about the spending. She did make a call to the credit card company requesting the last 4 years of statements, but I am still waiting on that information. She, meanwhile, refuses me access to the app which would answer some of my questions. She has also locked down all files related to her business and our finances, such as tax returns, house, even my inheritance.

In addition, my wife has been an alcoholic for the last 25 years. She went to rehab once and has now fully relapsed. She is constantly irritated and defensive. Communication has completely broken down. I cannot even engage in the most basic surface level conversation without it escalating to a fight. She is a high functioning alcoholic and has somehow convinced her friends that I am the problem. She talks about rehab again, but I highly doubt she will go. Currently, she's trying to wean herself down. She believes her relapse was my fault, because I didn't support her. The truth is she failed to follow up with any recommend aftercare. Prior to rehab her Spirit of choice was vodka consuming a gallon a week. After 6 months of sobriety, I stupidly believed that she could just drink beer. I was wrong.

Needless to say the marriage is done and over. She has betrayed me. I am afraid she is going to refuse to get a job "on the books" in an effort to extort me for as much child support and alimony as possible. Child Care is also a complication for both of us. The child care industry is not compatible with my working hours and there is no extended family on her side or mine.

Advice/support? Help. Where do I go from here??