How did you get back out there?

Sunblog-is-cracked · 2026-02-17T02:42:14+00:00

Don’t.

Become an unstoppable force and gravity will bring new energy to you. Focus on finding a replacement and you’ll doom yourself to repeat your failures.

Having a hookup buddy to satisfy your physical needs is great but you are giving your energy to someone you have no future with. What I mean by energy is your time, mental bandwidth, actual energy, connection. I promise you it isn’t worth it. If a hookup happens organically that’s great, but do not enjoy repeat customers if they do not possess the qualities you are looking for in a partner. Again not worth it. Most quick fix relationships after divorce end up more toxic than the actual divorce.

Many people will give you similar advice because we all learned this the hard way.

I lost 80 lbs and started my own business. Also as others mentioned I did at least a year of therapy just to try and figure out what the fk happened and how I avoid letting it ever happen to me again.

I promise you becoming the man you were supposed to be at your peak is more rewarding than any temporary joy you can get from a woman. And if you play your cards right you might actually run into someone who loves and appreciates you no matter your flaws

Appropriate_Breath91 · 2026-02-16T18:17:21+00:00

Firstly; I would stop worrying about what your ex is up to. She is your ex; she will forever be your ex. Keep her your ex mentally.

What she is up to has no bearing on you or your value or worth. If she’s openly telling you she’s been having sex with this person or that person; she’s trying to mess with your head.

If you don’t share children; I would really consider blocking her all together.

Anywho:

Getting out there dating at first - especially in your mid 30’s and 40’s - you’ll find most people are broken by divorce, failed relationships, toxic relationships and just life at this point.

Broken people stack up that body count pretty quick sometimes before they usually settle into series of shorter term situationships. It’s not uncommon for divorced or newly single people to bounce from year long relationship to year long relationship.

I would mentally prepare yourself for that.

If you think you can handle sex only relationships; I would be up front about it on one of the dating apps; and I’m sure somebody will bite eventually. Probably won’t be your ideal though!

And like has been mentioned in another comment; it probably won’t fill the hole you think it will. It’s a hole everybody out there is trying to fill again!!

Be safe man.

teodir · 2026-02-16T12:18:48+00:00

I was in the same place. She moved on fast and I thought the solution was to find someone to sleep with just to balance it. It doesn’t fix the real problem, only numbs it for a few hours. Go to therapy, this was the turning point, not to talk about her, but to understand myself. Go to gym, long walks, sauna, push yourself. Strict no-contact except kids & logistic. Regained my identity back, hobbies, projects, being a solid father. I didn't rushed into dating just to fill the void. Almost 7 months since i decided to divorce her and made the courage to book myself into a speed dating...it's next month and I feel confident, When I focused on myself, my confidence came back and I stopped caring what she was doing. I stopped asking how can i replace the void created and asked myself how can I become a better men, someone that I can be proud and respect. Everything improved after that.

FirelineJake · 2026-02-16T11:10:51+00:00

Honestly, the rebound body count doesn't fill the hole you think it will. I'd give yourself at least 90 days of just being uncomfortably alone with it, because the guys who skipped that step are still carrying the same weight two relationships later just with more baggage added on top.

Thereal_maxpowers · 2026-02-16T01:11:04+00:00

That was such a fucked up adventure I can’t even type it all. It’s a trial and error process of figuring out who you are, what you will and will not put up with. What you are willing to concede for who you think is the right person. And it takes balls of steel to even do it. You will encounter messed up women who think things like “men are generally cowards”. No bitch, we are deciding if you’re worth our effort and cutting off proximity to us while you show us who you are… we aren’t cowards, we will fight. But we only fight for what is good for us.

dday_throwaway3 · 2026-02-15T22:05:12+00:00

I'm eight years post-divorce. This is the best advice I've come across about reconstruction and dating after divorce. I hope it's a help to you too: https://www.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/ogjhm0/wait_at_least_one_year_after_divorce_before_dating/

Koi_Fish_Mystic · 2026-02-15T21:49:38+00:00

Sounds like it’s been more than a year for you. However, where are you mentally? Are you ready to start looking? Because in the end these women you date will pick up on the nuances of you aren’t

TheConjugalVisit · 2026-02-15T18:03:52+00:00

Still not completely there but getting closer and closer one day at a time.

Just wanted to make sure I was healed so I didn't hurt them if they are into me,,,,and I have a very high success rate with that so I've learned to be careful and not hurt them because I'm pretty picky. Broke many hearts in college because I was immature and horny.

UrAristotle · 2026-02-15T17:09:26+00:00

Gray rock whatever she is doing. It’s difficult, but it’s no longer your concern.
Get on the apps. You’re going to have 0 problem finding women happy to engage on whatever level you want to engage on.
Take your time. Don’t rush replacing one relationship with another.

Tvelt17 · 2026-02-15T17:07:16+00:00

First, its probably better to just not know things like that. What she does in her spare time isn't your business anymore.

Second, you gotta do the work on yourself to create a stable foundation. How's your job? Living situation? Car? Do you have money to date?

If any of that is lacking, work on that. Work on your mental health, too. If you're hung up on your ex, how would you ever expect to attract someone new? Gotta get over her.

Third, just get back out there in whatever way you feel comfortable. There's singles meetups, dating apps, or just getting involved in hobbies you enjoy. I had a lot of luck with Tinder, but I got a date from a co-ed soccer league I participated in and did talk to some women after a singles meet up thing. I ended up meeting my now fiancee on Tinder, but I tried out a bunch of stuff.

tonyway7293 · 2026-02-15T16:32:52+00:00

Step 1 is stop comparing yourself to your ex. She having a boyfriend, having sex, whoring it up etc shouldn’t even matter. None of that should be impacting you and if it is you need to get to a place where you simply DGAF.

What you need to also realize is your ex is in a rebound. It will be nice for her, for now. It will crash. And while she is taking the easy route, you are rebuilding. The slow steady way. And when you get to that place, you will attract quality people, not rebounds.

It will take time man, I know the exact feeling.

I have had sex a few times with various women since divorce started. Feels great in the moment…. And then, heavy thoughts come back when you are sitting in your house alone. It’s a completely empty feeling. I put that shit on pause and focusing heavy on career, gym and existing/new hobbies and friendships and family.

Gotta get to a solid foundation first man.

Longjumping-Cup-4018 · 2026-02-15T15:47:02+00:00

Stop thinking about sex and improve your own quality of life 1st. What is your current motivation?

Title	How did you get back out there?
Author	Designer_Leader6709
Upvotes	7
Comments	24
Date	February 15, 2026 10:55 AM UTC (5 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1r5bu4r/how_did_you_get_back_out_there/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/how-did-you-get-back-out-there.1573538 https://theredarchive.com/post/1573538

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