How does one actually become a better man

EstablishmentHot4889 · 2026-05-08T16:10:34+00:00

Read this website from top to bottom and learn all The Relationship Skills mentioned on it with your next partner.

https://www.alturtle.com/

Listen to John Gottman: Making Marriage Work. Do the stuff he says that The Masters Of Relationships do with your next partner.

TheSteveSteward · 2026-05-07T14:42:58+00:00

Respectfully, there are three things wrong with your post.

Go to the gym and work on career are really not the obvious ways to become a better partner. They have almost nothing to do with being a better partner.

Becoming better for the new partner is totally the wrong motivation. Doing it just for someone else is not going to last. You need to want to change for yourself.

And without knowing too much about your situation, I'd question whether you have really moved on. How long has it been? How long were you with your wife? What did you do to move on? Cause if it was just gym and work, I bet you skipped over the whole processing the grief and pain and loneliness and learning to handle your own feelings and make better choices part.

Significant_Koala_61 · 2026-05-07T08:43:04+00:00

I’m am hearing you need to reset your nervous system out of fight or flight mode with processing of your flaws that was your part that lead to the fungal of your marriage, I don’t know? Sounds semi-plausible.

akihonj · 2026-05-06T12:50:46+00:00

By being brutally honest with yourself and learning where you went wrong.

Not easy to do but for argument sake you shut down before, accept that's an issue and learn to not be like that again

You got aggressive, why, what caused it, what could you do better.

Understand these things, accept your part in the relationship, be honest though, don't tell yourself you were an angel but also don't accept blame that truly doesn't belong to you.

Set firm boundaries and make them non-negotiable.

Impossible-Alarm-336 · 2026-05-06T10:50:08+00:00

My goals for becoming a better man in my new life are learning better communication and holding my boundaries. Something I’m just starting to learn. Maybe get better at not getting annoyed and irritable. Also spending less time on my phone and using that time to spend with my kids. They are the most important things in my life and I want to make sure they have a calm stable parent.

Immediate-Story2562 · 2026-05-06T04:45:43+00:00

Study human relations by read books on communication and relationships.

IrresponsibleInsect · 2026-05-06T01:58:13+00:00

Read 7 habits of highly effective people. Learn the balance between selflessness and selfishness. Be good, do nice things for others, but also have boundaries, and do nice things for you.

Communicate. Learn how to master that. Take a class on emotional intelligence. Master that too.

Take love language tests and personality tests, figure out who TF you are. Then celebrate the wins and fix the losses.

Commit to everyday small steps to being better today than you were yesterday.

Easy peasy.

vervii · 2026-05-06T00:56:47+00:00

Going to the gym and work on your career are things you do for yourself. Not for your partner. If you have no money then sure, focus on career to stabilize life for your partner but I think most women want men working less and spending more time with them and family.

I watch podcasts based on communication and relationships; jefferson fischer, Dr. John Deloney and seperateively try to focus on my own issues that led to my divorce. Lack of communication, lack of boundries, people pleasing, poor confrontation, stress management,building platanoic male friendships and fear of abandonment that lead to lying, addiction and evnetual cheating as an escape.

Realistically; first start with asking your partner how you can be better for them.

RunPeaceRun · 2026-05-06T00:37:36+00:00

As a wounded long distance relationship-marriage veteran. My first words are don’t invest on long distance if you can’t be in same city / house / tent whatever in maximum 6 months.

I fully understand people who moves on and meeting new people but I need to be honest that LDR is a suffering that causing 2 separate life and lots of money. Missing feelings are high, motivation is something that needs to be keep up all the time. Because while your life goes on other person also builds life in other side. Therefore if you plan to move together soon invest more.

It is ultimate difficulty to sustain, I felt the pain of not making two life together and divorce while still in love.

Okinawabound · 2026-05-06T00:32:18+00:00

Adult attachment theory.

rdwrer_711 · 2026-05-06T00:26:40+00:00

Therapy (with your partner if they're willing)

SomeoneInQld · 2026-05-06T00:26:12+00:00

Pay attention to your new partner.

Don't be too busy with work.

Say the things we should have said in the marriage. You look pretty today, thank you for your help.

Be nice, be there and pay attention when you are there.

I am in a similar situation as you a new long distance relationship after a divorce (still ongoing).

I get busy sometimes and she will message me. I make sure to stop and chat with her if I can pause work at that time. Give her the attention and care that our partners deserve.

You can do this.

Title	How does one actually become a better man
Author	Constant_Society8783
Upvotes	8
Comments	18
Date	May 6, 2026 12:18 AM UTC (2 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1t4x6b3/how_does_one_actually_become_a_better_man/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/how-does-one-actually-become-a-better-man.1579697 https://theredarchive.com/post/1579697

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