After watching the new film Obsession I found myself thinking less about the horror elements and more about the conversations it seems to have sparked around male loneliness, romance, and autonomy. See, the film presents a lonely young man named Bear(hah...man vs bear) who wishes for the woman he loves to love him. And not just love him back. But rather that she loves him more than ANYTHING else which turns into a horrific display of toxic codependency rather than creating a genuine relationship. The wish strips away her agency replacing it with an obsessive, codependent version of affection while the "real" woman remains trapped beneath the surface. The horror isn't simply that the wish goes horribly wrong or even in that affection without freedom turns out to be something fundamentally different from love. But also in how the male lead Bear

That idea led me to a broader question. In seeing discussions about the so-called "male loneliness epidemic," it often feels as though there two competing narratives. One emphasizes that no one's entitled to another person's affection, attention, sex, or relationship. The other emphasizes that many men experience genuine pain, frustration, and loneliness when they struggle to form romantic connections. Both are true. Wanting romance, intimacy, and partnership is a normal human desire. Friendship and family are valuable but they don't necessarily fulfill the same emotional role as a romantic relationship. At the same time, another person's autonomy must remain absolute. Because no one's loneliness creates an obligation for someone else to love them.

What I'm wondering is whether modern discussions sometimes struggle to distinguish loneliness from entitlement. A man saying, "I'm lonely and want to find a partner," is not necessarily the same as that man saying, "Women owe me a relationship." Yet public conversations often seem wary of the former because of the existence of the latter. So where should the line be drawn? Is it reasonable for a man to seek advice on becoming more attractive, confident, or desirable as a romantic partner? Is there anything inherently wrong with wanting to improve one's chances of finding love? Or does that pursuit risk treating women as a monolith with a single formula for attraction? How can we acknowledge the reality of male romantic loneliness without turning women into the solution for it? And how can we defend women's autonomy without treating every expression of male romantic frustration as a warning sign of entitlement?

Watching Obsession and seeing conversations surrounding it, it seems pretty cut and dry that love without freedom isn't love at all. But if loneliness is real, and entitlement is wrong, how do we create a culture that can recognize the difference? It's obviously toxic for a person to think "There exists a formula that will make people want me." But that's not the same are recognizing that there are traits that many people tend to find attractive. And that improving those traits may increase a person's chances of forming relationships. But if a young man feel that simply asking for advice or expressing his frustration will get him lumped in with the former, he's much more likely to turn to...someone who will give him an answer. Long time ago, I watched a video by Macabre Storytelling called "Male Dating and sex struggles: A problem in Plain Sight". That explores this very dynamic (Specifically the short bit at the 16:25 mark). Of course, I can't say for sure how prevalent these attitudes are. Hence my posting here. Do YOU think male loneliness is unfairly pathologized and remains largely unaddressed, or do you feel that those complaining about it blow it out of proportion? Any thoughts or critiques of my post are also welcome as are your thoughts on the movie.

Also I don't post here often so I hope I didn't break any rules. I'm speaking in good faith here so if there's anything wrong on my post, please let me know.