How do I heal from this

First of all, thank you all for your comments on my last post. It helped me to see how others are dealing and have dealt with this in the past. It helped me calm down a bit over the last 2 days. Well, until this evening at least. Just need advice. Maybe a lot of it. I feel like I'm in hell and I see my way out.

2 months of her talking to AP in open view. 2 months of her telling me I'm the problem and me doing everything to fix the issues she brought up. Getting validation from her that I fixed the issues the brought up to me then her telling me she doesn't care enough and that she can't loose her affair partner. She feels like our marriage is a "trap" and there is nothing I can do to fix it. Her telling me that " me trying to save things" is what is pushing her away. Her telling me that she "doesnt owe my parents shit" when I asked her to at least talk to my parents as they love her a lot and want to see her. I know some of you will see me as weak for not cutting her out. And maybe you are right. I just feel like i failed and I really wanted to fix things.

Was served divorce papers 3 weeks ago and feel like I've died inside. She still lives in our house but has been packing things to leave. Movers come out monday and as i was writing this found out she is leaving tuesday.... 5 days ealier than what she originally said. the last time i will see the person I have loved for over a decade is 4 days away. My emotions are all over the place right now. I posted earlier about my anger and rage and I don't know how I'm going to do this. Had a mental breakdown 2 days ago and I thought I was recovering from that incident but now I am feeling another anxiety and panic attack coming on.

I have no idea how to live by myself. I've been with her since I was in high school. I tied all of my self worth to her happiness due to several jobs I've lost, lots of body image and confidence issues that having her in my life made me forget. In a way, her being gone will be much better. But I'm not ready... I've been a little suicidal the past 3 months and its been way worse this week. I think her leaving on tuesday is going to break me in a way I am not ready for. I don't think I'm capable of killing myself. I know a lot of people care for me and are there for me and I can't make them sad by doing it. And a lot of you have said that it gets better. I just don't see it yet, and every day feels like its getting worse.

How do I heal from this? How do I deal with the fact that i grew up and am surrounded by a very conservative Christian group of people who see divorse as a personal failure regardless of who is at fault. How do I tell my coworkers who loved my wife who are all getting married left and right that I'm getting divorced. How do i ever become ok with loosing the one person I have ever met in my 28years alive that I loved so much that I was willing to do and work though anything for her. How do i fix myself? How do I become ok with losing my house i worked so hard for, my pet that I loved so much, my best friend who i told everything too, my self worth which was all that has been holding me together. I'm broken and still breaking and all of the pieces are falling though my fingers and I don't know how to put them back together.