hard for me to want to be in a relationship while knowing the true nature of men

MoreThanPurple · 2026-06-23T00:53:31+00:00

Well this has been fun but it’s time to lock the thread. The OP has not displayed interest in advice or learning, even from the ECs. Reading one wiki post after years on the men’s spaces is simply not enough if you aren’t willing to learn and grow from those women who are more experienced.

Jenneapolis · 2026-06-22T22:12:23+00:00

Well are you ok with being single forever then? Life is a series of choices and most times neither are perfect. You pick the one that is “better.” For me, being in a relationship with a flawed human (being a flawed human myself) is better than being single, even with its challenges.

You learn to focus on yourself and not obsess over what your partner is thinking. Because it is truly obsessive to be constantly focused on how hot your partner thinks you are for your whole lifetime. Life is full of other things.

I’m not saying it’s easy, it’s female nature to worry about this stuff, but you will grow as a person if you learn how to cope vs just giving up i.e. being single.

chamomilecloud · 2026-06-22T23:01:00+00:00

Your husband will be attracted to beautiful young women, just like you will be attracted to handsome, high status, wealthy men. I mean there is no way around that; it’s not like we never find other people attractive once we get into a relationship.

BUT most people will still find their spouse sexually attractive years after being together, because that’s what happens when you love someone. If your husband loses his job or something, will you leave him? Chances are you won’t. You will choose him, choose loyalty, and value all that you’ve built together over the years.

Men and women are so much more than the red pill stated nature. If you are not controlled by whatever instinctual urges you feel, then neither are men. You need to stop obsessing over this and just get out there and date. Find a good man. Enjoy yourself. Get off PPD and other pill spaces if you cannot control these obsessive thoughts.

Wife_and_Mama · 2026-06-22T21:48:56+00:00

i’m 21 and i’ve only ever had one boyfriend back when i was 17, it was a short relationship. we never had sex and im still a virgin.

It sounds like you definitely don't know the "true nature of men" then.

Honestly, until you get out there and date and make male friends, anything you're thinking you "know" ahout men is just stuff you're reading online, hearing from friends, or straight up making up. You have no basis for the conclusions you've drawn. Go get some life experience.

Cultural-Debt11 · 2026-06-22T21:29:54+00:00

What do you think the true nature of men is?

SunRose42 · 2026-06-22T22:03:53+00:00

Sounds like a pretty superficial view of men. If you’re thinking of empirical literature on this, all that shows is that men of all ages tend to be most attracted to women around the age of 22, if you ask them to evaluate how attractive people are to them based only on appearance.

But there is no study out there suggesting that men lose all attraction to women their own age, or that there are NO other factors other than appearance that influence how attractive a woman is to them.

Chemistry, for one, is huge. Many men of all ages, if you ask them, will admit to having felt attracted to women (sometimes VERY attracted) they didn’t like the look of on first sight purely because the chemistry was so intense. Chemistry is a function of your personalities and social dynamic, and has little to do with appearance.

On top of that, chemistry and love change how people look to you. I don’t know about you, but I’ve even had this experience with friends, where I have come to see someone as lovely and unique looking despite initially pitying their looks. It’s not always that dramatic, but the point is that when we love someone, and especially when we have chemistry with them, often that changes which features of theirs stand out to us. We become more attentive to their good features and less attentive to their bad ones.

Although men ARE visual, they are not exclusively visual. All of these things matter for them too. And if a man marries for love (someone with whom he has chemistry), and wants a stable family dynamic, there is no reason to think he’ll just lose interest in his wife and lust exclusively after young women. Some men might. But it’s far from all or even most.

I actually recommend checking out the dead bedroom subreddit. Almost all the high libido partners in there, who are not cheating, and who want MORE sex with their (often middle aged) spouses, are MEN.

InevitableKiwi5776 · 2026-06-22T22:01:31+00:00

Being attracted to 22 year olds doesn’t mean he won’t still be attracted to you as you age. That’s one thing about “the true nature of men”, they can and will be attracted to many different things at the same time.

I think the problem is you are thinking about attraction as women experience it, not as men experience it. In very simple terms, for women only first place matters and the man who is in second place is the same as the man in last place. For men, every hot girl is in the same place equally. So when a man says that the 22 yo in a bikini is hot it doesn’t mean he doesn’t also think you’re hot and hopefully you have enough RMV traits that he is also attracted to, which is what makes men want to commit and not just bang each next hot girl he sees.

And men tending to fine one age range the most attractive doesn’t mean they are not at all attracted to anyone else. That is black and white thinking.

Dense-Ad6312 · 2026-06-22T23:08:19+00:00

Marry a man 20+ years older than you, then you will always be young to him?

I would suggest you read "the rules revisited". idk if linking is allowed.

But I think the issue is that you have insecurities from growing up ugly, I had the same issue. You should work on that first, because why are you working about something that might happen in TWENTY years or more.

DarceysExtensions · 2026-06-22T23:19:13+00:00

I am a woman in my 50s. I think men are physically most attractive in their 30s.

That is an observation, nothing else. It doesn’t mean that I want to date a 30-something guy, or that I want to trade in my husband.

I assume it’s the same for most men. When they say that women in their 20s are most attractive, it’s an observation and it does not mean they are all just waiting to dump their wives.

Jeff Bezos is one of the world‘s richest men. If he wanted to marry a 22-year old, there can be no doubt he could have found quite a few willing to marry him. He married a woman in her 50s.

Marriage/committed relationships are about much more than pure physical aspects.

Dummy_Wire · 2026-06-22T23:40:18+00:00

I have a potentially interesting perspective I can offer you on a similar situation, but from a man’s side.

I was a very nerdy, overweight, somewhat effeminate adolescent boy and young man. I dated a bit, in high school and university, but never really had a drive to do it much, because I wasn’t getting much attention from the opposite sex. Then, in my early 20s, I had a major glow-up, losing weight and changing my style and all that jazz. By the time I was done, I was getting huge amounts of female attention, for the first time in my life.

And initially, like you, it made me mad. I was frustrated that I was still the same person, but now these women who wouldn’t give me the time of day before were approaching me for the first time in my life. I got bitter about it, and about the superficial nature of attraction, and about perceived monkey-branching and hypergamy and unfairness I was witnessing. It took me to a very pessimistic place, and that’s where I think you are now.

Over time though, I kind of just got over it. I met my girlfriend (of two years, now) who through the circumstances of our courtship I was pretty confident didn’t like me because of my looks or perceived social status, and that really helped. And spending time with her, I sort of was able to accept that love is real, and while the game is wicked, and your concerns are valid, to live (and to love) is to risk it all, and there are good people out there.

You seem to have correct views, and it’s just your doomer mindset that needs to shift, and I know how hard that can be. But really, the “true nature” of men (and women) can be viewed as unideal in a macro sense, but you can find someone special who will love you for you, and hopefully you’ll love him for him. The pessimistic view of “he only wants a hot 20 year old” is the same view I had of “she only wants a handsome, tall, fit, high-status guy with money” and it did me no good. Be the best you can be, and attract a high quality man who likes you for you. That’s the only advice I can give.

Cefiro8701 · 2026-06-22T22:56:32+00:00

How cruel and immature of you to lump us all into a single generalization.

AutoModerator · 2026-06-22T21:28:37+00:00

Title: hard for me to want to be in a relationship while knowing the true nature of men

Author pearflavoured

Full text: i’m 21 and i’ve only ever had one boyfriend back when i was 17, it was a short relationship. we never had sex and im still a virgin.

i WANT sex. i WANT love. but it’s hard for me to actually go out and pursue these things when i know the true nature of men.

i grew up ugly (due to acne, weight) and now im considered attractive, i know this because the men im attracted to show they are attractive to me and children compliment me etc but im not crazy attractive. i still have flaws.

i dont want to settle down with a man who wont be attracted to me when we are older and he’ll be attracted to 22 year olds. and i’m aware of “wife goggles” but that just sounds like cope to me. i want him to be attracted to ME not some idea in his head he made up.

also knowing the fact that men are only as loyal as their options

how the hell do you guys know this and still want to be in a relationship?

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Title	hard for me to want to be in a relationship while knowing the true nature of men
Author	pearflavoured
Upvotes	0
Comments	103
Date	June 22, 2026 9:28 PM UTC (4 weeks ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1ucxlxy/hard_for_me_to_want_to_be_in_a_relationship_while/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/hard-for-me-to-want-to-be-in-a-relationship-while.1583407 https://theredarchive.com/post/1583407

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